"Well put one back!" Our twin story.

"We have two."

"Well put one back!"

"It, it doesn't work that way..."

Sadly, these are some of the first words I spoke when I found out we were having twins.  If my daughters ever read this- I'm sorry.  You were loved and wanted, but you were not expected.  Let me back up and start a little sooner than that doctor's appointment.

In the spring of 2015, Pat and I got to thinking it was time to think about having a second child.  We adored Ben, and knew that we wanted him to have a sibling.   Ben was an easy baby and a delightful young toddler, so we were eager to have another baby.  We had decided to wait a little longer to make sure we were in a good spot financially to have a second baby.  Eventually though, we got tired of waiting.  When is it ever the perfect time to have a baby?  We weren't getting any younger, and we did want our kids relatively close in age.  Totally tmi, but we decided to just go with don't try/don't prevent and see what happened.

Since we weren't trying per se, I wasn't really expecting to be on the lookout for pregnancy signs.  Plus with work, tutoring, and running around after a toddler I wasn't thinking too hard about it  Because of all this I really didn't think I was pregnant.  Then I had the moment when I thought hmmmm....

Well sure enough, we were expecting.  We were very excited.  I wanted to tell our parents pretty early.  When were expecting Ben we were actually still living with my parents, and were traveling to see Pat's parents for the holidays.  We didn't know if morning sickness or any other symptoms would hit, so we decided to tell my parents pretty early.  Our first doctor's appointment was scheduled for a week after we got back from visiting Pat's family.  We couldn't imagine calling them a week after we had seen them in person to tell them big news we kept from them the whole time.  That just seemed rude.  We ended up telling our parents and siblings at just five weeks.  It made Pat more nervous than me, but as I said it made sense to do it that way.  This time around Pat thought we should wait, and I am very glad we followed his hunch.

I scheduled my first doctors appointment, excited that Pat could be there for it.  I didn't know what to expect with the first pregnancy, and thought they would just do a blood test, take a history, and send me on my way.  I didn't know they could hear the heart beat and see the flicker that early.  Pat was sick for the first appointment with Ben and I told him to stay home.  We were both a little disappointed he missed the excitement of seeing the flicker of the heart beat.  This time I made sure he could be at the appointment.  We decided to bring Ben with us too.  Ben wasn't talking much then.  I wasn't worried he would spill the beans.  I thought it would help him understand a new baby was coming if he was there every step of the way.

We were pretty relaxed about the appointment.  I mean, we had done this once before.  I didn't have any problems with the last pregnancy.  In fact I am one of those annoying women who feels pretty good during pregnancy.  I adore it and we were so happy to be having another kid.  Ben had been a delight as a baby, and we were still completely enamored with him.  Having another kid was going to be amazing.  We even joked with the nurses that we wanted another baby just like Ben, just a newer model year.  Pat had said, "We don't care the gender, as long as there is just one in there."  You see when your sister in law has twins, you make jokes like this.  Pat also has twin cousins.  We had seen people have twins and knew it could be tough.  But really, we weren't going to have twins ourselves.  I mean, the twins in Pat's family were all fraternal.  This means in order for it to be hereditary it would have to pass along the maternal line.  Obviously I don't share a genetic line with Pat's sisters or cousins.  I couldn't think of any twins in my family to give us reason to think we were having them.  And come on, Pat's sister had twins!  What are the odds another set would come into the same family?

Alright, we were all relaxed, having fun and congratulating Ben on becoming a big brother.  The doctor came in and I laid back on the table to do the initial ultrasound.  The image had just popped up on the screen when the doctor said,  "We have two in there."  My mouth dropped open and I replied, "Well put one back!"  My doctor looked surprised, "It, it doesn't work that way..."

The mood in the room had quickly shifted to one of disbelief.  Honestly it kind of blurs for a bit here.  Pat and I asked the doctor to explain again what she just said.  My doctor pointed out the two different flickers, and then let us hear two different heartbeats.  I couldn't stop staring at that screen.  There were definitely two little blobs in there.  They were very close to each other, but they were there.  Twins.

Looking back there were a few signs that maybe we should have expected something different.  I did test positive early, which makes sense because twins means more hCG.  My stomach also started sticking out what felt like right away.  I know at the beginning that is mainly bloat.  But still, I remember distinctly thinking that they weren't kidding when they say you start showing sooner with the second kid.  I feel a little better knowing I had two babies in there.  ;)  Of course hindsight is always 20/20, so I didn't even consider that we were having twins.  But we were.

We had a bunch of questions to start out with.  My first, after of course asking if the doctor was sure, was what kind they were.  I try to remember this when people ask me questions about what kind of twins I have now.  I mean, I knew the main differences between fraternal and identical but I didn't know you can't always tell right away.  There is a lot you learn when you are the ones actually having twins.  My doctor told us probably fraternal actually, as those are the most common.  There are some factors that can up your chances of having fraternal twins.  I was over thirty, but not yet old enough for that to really be an issue.  And as I said we didn't have fraternal twins in my maternal line.  Later we would find out that they are identical.  This means we were part of the lucky 3 out of 1000 to have their little zygote split into two babies.

We left that appointment shocked to say the least.  I was in such a daze by it all I forgot to stop and get my blood work done before I left.  My doctor told us at that early stage you really just treat it as a singleton pregnancy.  That was good, I knew what to do with that, and it would give me time to process what was happening.  The whole thing didn't feel real.  It was like someone was going to jump out and say, "Just kidding!"  My doctor did come up to me as I was making my next appointment, and I almost wondered if she was going to tell me she made a mistake.  Nope, it was to let the receptionist know I needed the twin sheet to start setting appointments.  It just became that much more real.

I had to leave to go back to the office after this appointment.  The office where I worked with Meo and Omi.  All I could think was don't google yet, don't google yet, don't say a word yet.  There was plenty of time to google later.  And I wasn't ready to share the news with anyone yet.  I thought I was keeping it nonchalant, but apparently I wasn't.  Meo and Omi were pretty certain Pat and I had a huge fight or something.  This was not the case, and they found out the reason for my strange behavior soon enough.

Having a baby is amazing.  When you really sit and think about all that goes in to creating a whole new life, you can't help but be in awe of it.  We have the extra special gift of getting to see two new lives created.  Somewhere between days four and seven, my little one decided she had two much awesome to be one person, and split into two to become my Ali and Sammy.  I can't imagine life without my two sweet girls.  We are so blessed to be their parents.

-Kim

Check out another twin story from Cole at Twinning Babywise!  You can also read her twin birth story and Ali and Sammy's birth story

Twin Questions: One year later

It's no secret that when we are out and about the twins get a lot of attention.  People love babies.  Two babies are even more fun.  Most of the time I don't mind the attention. I understand where it is coming from, and try to be mindful of where the questions are coming from.  Sometimes it can be frustrating, especially when I am in a hurry or the kids are acting up a bit.  I have found I get a lot of the same questions over and over.  I answered the most common questions I got back when I was pregnant.  They haven't slowed down since the girls were born.  Here are some of the most common questions I got this past year.

Q: Are they twins?
A: Yes, yes they are.  I know, this one sometimes bugs me because I am walking around with two babies who look exactly alike.  Yes, they must be twins.  But I suppose I could be baby sitting.  I know of some families that have a younger kid that is tall for their age and an older who is on the shorter side, so they are the same height despite a two year age gap.  Granted the girls are still babies so that is unlikely for them.  They could be cousins, or I could be a nanny.  It's always good not to make assumptions.  I think this question is really more of an opening to talk about twins and the kids in general.

Q: Are they boys, girls, or a boy and a girl?
A: This is one that can be easy to take offense to if you are in a less than thrilled mood.  But again, I kind of get it.  Babies really can all look the same.  To me they are looking quite feminine, so sorry if I look confused when asked that.  (Come on, every baby is beautiful to their mother.) Again, I see this as an opening into further conversation.  And people don't want to take chances of offending someone by just assuming one gender or the other.

Q: Are they identical or fraternal?
A: They are identical.  No, we haven't done the genetic testing to fully confirm.  The way they were in the womb (mo/di if you speak twin) would strongly suggest identical, but leaves wiggle room for fraternal.  My doctor was very certain they were identical based off of the placenta examination.  Quite honestly I don't see how they could look and grow so much alike if they weren't identical.  They hit almost all their milestones at the same time, and they have remained within a few ounces of each other for their whole life.  And come on, they look so much alike! :)

Q: Did you know you were having twins?
A: Well not right away of course!  But yes, we found out at our first doctors appointment.  I know back in the day people didn't know until they had the babies, or perhaps they figured it out when they get extra big extra fast.  But in most pregnancies around the US I have to assume women find out pretty early they are having twins.  If they have any prenatal care they probably know.  It is hard to hide two babies in there.

Q: Do twins run in your family?
A: I usually just answer no to this one.  I mean, that is the answer because current research says that identical twins don't have a genetic link that runs in families.  (I know, there are lots of anecdotal stories that say otherwise, but I just know what I learned from my doctor.)  The longer answer is a little more interesting.  No, twins don't run in our family.  At least they didn't.  Yes, Pat's sister has twins.  This is just an amazing coincidence.  The short answer is the easiest, but if we have the chance to spend some time and actually talk with people it is a fun story to share!

Q: Did you have help getting pregnant?
A: Yes, this one gets asked quite a bit.  I still want to reiterate that it is no one else's business how someone chooses to grow her family.  But no, we didn't have help.  Our twins were spontaneous.  This question and the previous two usually tie together.  I think people are just curious about how twins happen, especially identical twins.  It is kind of a crazy thing to think about.  One moment you have one embryo inside of you.  Then for suddenly it splits in two and forms two whole, complete separate human beings. It is pretty amazing.  I try to answer this one as honestly and politely as possible, but if you want my advice don't ask someone this unless they are a close friend or family.  Even then maybe wait for them to bring it up.

Q: Do you ever sleep?
A: This one usually comes after they see Ben with me too.  And yes, we do sleep!  Honestly the sleep thing was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be.  This is part luck, we do have kids that like to sleep.  But a big part of that is following the babywise ideas.  I worked hard to get my kids to learn how to sleep and get on the same nap schedule.  It is possible to sleep with three kids three and under.  You can read some of my tips here.  Having twins does not automatically equal never sleeping again.

Q: Do you breastfeed?
A: Yes.  It is possible to breastfeed twins.  There are many reasons why it might not work, but we have been able to make it over a year.  I am a bit uncomfortable with this question.  I feel I shouldn't be, because there is nothing wrong with how I feed my babies.  But these are my breasts people are asking about.  I also think while yes, breastfeeding is wonderful and I do think the best I can give my babies, fed is best.  I completely understand getting this question from other moms or moms to be.  When you are in the baby stage of life, you are constantly gathering data on how to be the best mom you can be.  How you feed your babies is a big part of that.  Then I do like to answer this question to give a big old yes!  It is completely possible to nurse twins.  I want to encourage any mom out there who wants to try nursing!

Q: How do you tell them apart?
A: They dance differently.  Okay, that isn't really my answer.  (Although side note- they do have different dance moves and it is adorable.  I'm still trying to get a good video of it.  They get a little camera shy.)  I was very worried that I wouldn't be able to tell them apart.  And at times it can be hard.  I am lucky in that I dress them most days, so I know who is who at a glance.  But from across the room I might not know right away.  Overall they do look different to us.  I do use a few physical markers to help confirm I have the right baby.  (Yes, I think it is normal to doubt yourself sometimes!)  Ali's hair is a little thicker.  Sammy has a tiny bump on one ear.  Really we just have to look at them and we can tell them apart.  They are their own distinct people and we know our kids now.  So all the women out there pregnant with twins worrying you won't be able to tell them apart- you will!  But don't feel bad, I didn't believe it either.

Q: Are you having any more?
A: Depending on what has gone down before you ask this I might just yell "NO!" at you with this one.  No, we think we are done.  But as I've said before, family planning is the business of the family, well, planning it.  I look at our family and think we are all accounted for.  I do reserve the right to change or mind at any point.  (I'm pretty sure God gets to make the final call on that anyway:) )

Q: You sure have your hands full!
A: This isn't a question, but it is rare that I am out and don't here this one.  I'm not entirely sure what to say to this one.  I like to think it is a positive thing, or at least meant that way.  Like, "You are busy, but you are doing it!  Go you!"  Sometimes it is surely said with an almost schadenfreude tone.  That bothers me.   Here is the deal.  One, yes I have three kids three and under.  We are in the little kid trenches and it is busy.  But that isn't a negative.  I love my kids.  They are good kids and I am happy with where we are.  Two, who cares how many kids I have?  I'm not asking you to take care of them or have any interaction with them.  I know I bring them out in public, but if they are acting up we leave.  It isn't anyone else's business how many kids we have.  Three, we have three kids.  That isn't that many!  The average family in the US has 2.5 kids.  That means some people have to have more than two.  I think this comment is a reflex from some people- not meant to be mean, but not thought out.  I smile and nod most of the time.  I mean, it is true.

Q: Better you than me!
A: People.  People.  This might be meant as a joke but think it through.  It sounds like having three kids and twins specifically is seen as a bad thing, a punishment, or a horrible way to go through a few years.  It isn't!  Children are a blessing, and we are very happy to have them.  It feels like you are saying my life must  be horrible and you are glad you aren't me.  Well I am glad you aren't me too.  My children are amazing and I am so fortunate to have them and be their mother.  It is your prerogative to think this, and I am glad you prefer your life.  You should, it's yours.  But for real, don't say this to someone's face.


Q: I knew twins...  My friend has twins... My twins are now ___ old...
A: Having twins seems to bring out everyone's twin stories.  This one is a mix.  I like hearing from people who have twins that are older than my own.  I always ask if they have any tips.  I adore seeing moms of twins who are out and about without their twins, perhaps their kids are even all grown up.  I love my babies but seeing someone who has come out the other side is helpful!!  This sort of comment also makes me want to remind people to choose their moment.  I know I sound mean, but if my kids are fussing, or we seem to be in a hurry, or it is clear that we just need to be moving along and get home, please don't stop me to tell me about some twins you knew thirty years ago.  I don't care.  I understand that we relate as humans through shared experiences.  I am not trying to be rude if I just kind of smile and nod as I go about my business.  I am just trying to keep three little people from losing it on an unsuspecting public.  Otherwise, let's talk twins!  I have a ton of adorable stories from my little people.

Q: You have a beautiful family!  You're doing a great job.  What cute kids!
A: Yes, another non-question.  This one is great though.  Thank you to all the people who have said this to me over the past year.  It might not always be true.  My kids might be, well, acting like kids.  I might be a mess.  But this sort of comment has always come right when I needed it.  We all know being a mom can be tough,  I think sometimes you don't really know if you are doing a good job until your children are all grown up.  Parenting can be isolating, draining, frustrating, and just plain exhausting.  It is worth every moment, but that doesn't mean I always feel blissed out all the time.  Hearing someone say something nice like this can be just what I need to keep it together a little longer.  It reminds me that no, my children aren't trying to make me crazy on purpose.  My tiredness has a purpose.  These little people really are pretty special, and I am doing something worthwhile.  I try to remember to say this if I see a mom with little ones.  To the people who have said these things to me- Thank you.  More than you know, thank you.


Alright, those are the answers to the questions I hear most often!  I hope I haven't offended anyone by sharing what I actually think to some of these, but I want to give real answers.  I know a lot of people are curious about life with twins.  Overall I am happy to answer what questions I can.  I love my kids and I love to talk about them!

Are there any questions you would like me to answer?  Any other twin moms out there have anything to add?  I'm guilty of wanting to know all about twins too! :)

-Kim

How to Teach a Child to be Gentle With a Baby- Guest Post

I have a great guest post today.  Valerie, the Babywise Mom, is giving us her tips on how to help toddlers and preschoolers get used to interacting with a new baby.  It can be a tough transition to big brother or sister.  There is this new little person you want to play with, but they don't play right.  And everyone is yelling at you to be careful!  I really appreciate all the advice on how to help big siblings interact with the new little people in their lives.

I'm over at Wiley Adventures today.  Carrie is someone who loves to read, much like myself.  She recently posted about sharing Harry Potter with her daughter, and it got me thinking about all the books I am looking forward to sharing with my kids.  Check out my post of 8 Books I can't Wait to Read With My Children!
-Kim

by Valerie Plowman

The idea of a new baby sounds nice and even exciting to a child, but the reality is often much different than the child imagined. I mean, isn't it different than anyone imagined? The reality is that baby takes a lot of  mom's time, baby cries, and baby is a baby. Baby isn't a playmate or a social equal. Baby won't be ready to really play with the older sibling for many, many months to come. And even when the baby starts to be able to play somewhat, it still isn't a running around having a good time type of play.

Your child may be dealing with crushed dreams and might need a little bit of guidance on just how to be gentle with the baby. Here are some tips on how to go about that. 

Demonstrate How to Touch and Play With a Baby

Most children will not have natural instincts on how to correctly interact with a baby. Your child will likely need to be taught how to do so. A time-proven way to teach a child is through demonstration. Show your child how to correctly touch a baby. How do you touch? How do you pick up? How do you hand a toy? How do you hug or kiss a baby? You can have your child practice with a stuffed animal or doll before turning him loose on the real live deal.

As your child first starts to hand things to the baby, hold baby, or touch baby, you can help guide your child through the process. Literally hold his hand when he strokes baby's arm so he can feel the proper pressure you are looking for. 

When my second child was born, my oldest was 22 months old. I would show him how to do things with the baby gently and always whisper the word, "Soft." Then when he touched his sister, I could whisper the word "Soft" and he knew what I meant.

Give Positive Reinforcement When Done Correctly

When your child is kind and gentle with the baby, comment on it and thank your child. "Thank you for being so soft with your sister! She likes that." Children do not automatically know what is right and what is wrong, so when you point out when things are done correctly, it helps them catalog that. 

Allow Time for Rough Play Each Day

If your child is a mover and tends to want to wrestle the baby, make sure your child gets some physical activity each day that doesn't involve the baby. Wrestling with a parent, going for a walk, playing outside...find things to do so your child can get that strong physical movement done somewhere other than playtime with the younger sibling. 

Watch Your Child With Baby

It is great to have time each day for your children to play with each other. I even had an official "Sibling Playtime" when my children were younger. As your little ones play with each other, watch over them and step in when needed. Again, they are just learning social skills. They need guidance on what is okay and what isn't. 

Limit the Length of Time Together

If you limit the amount of time spent playing with each other, you can help reduce the chances of playtime getting rough. Figure out what is a good length and end it there. You have nap times, meal times, learning times, and independent playtimes that can help break up free play with siblings. 

Help Your Child Develop Love For Baby

Your child has a greater chance of being gentle with the baby if your child feels a love toward the baby. A simple way to help a child develop a true love is to have your child serve the baby. Human nature is such that if we serve others, we come to love them. I have also found that it is helpful to help the older child discover what is the same between the baby and himself. Even just "You both have two eyes!" goes a long way.

Relax About It

When I was pregnant with my third child, a friend of mine had twins. They were numbers five and six for her. When we walked in the door to visit them, my friend immediately handed my not-quite 16 month old one of the babies. It stressed me out! Surely my pretoddler would break the baby! But my friend wasn't worried and the baby survived without incident. This same friend now has nine children. Her babies get carried all around by older siblings of various ages, again, all without incident. 

I share that just to point out that you probably have a fair amount of room for relaxation. Babies can handle a lot and are pretty tough. Do not freak out if your child accidentally hurts the baby. Odds are the baby will cry and that will make your child upset enough without you scolding. You don't want to alienate your older child by making a big deal out of it and scaring your child from ever going near the baby again. 

Conclusion

While your child won't automatically know how to properly play with a baby, you can do a lot of simple things to help your child learn what is and isn't okay. Give it time and patience and your child will get there. Keep in mind that most of humanity has had an older sibling and has survived it. Your baby will, too.

Valerie is mother to four and blogs at www.Babywisemom.com.

Be sure to check out the other ladies of the BFBN today!

Twin Sleep- It Does Exist!

Something I heard a lot when expecting the girls was that I would never sleep again.  I fully admit to having this fear.  I love my sleep!  Ben has always been a pretty good sleeper.  We were all sleeping through the night basically every night and we were about to ruin that by having more kids.  I knew from experience it would be totally worth it.  But I also know it would be a tiring few months.  I am pleased to say it was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be!  We did sleep!  We do sleep now!  No, not every night is perfect.  But I am happy with where we are.  Overall I think things went pretty well.  I am no expert in baby sleep, nor am I an expert in twins.  But I do have a year of twin experience under my belt, along with experience helping three babies with sleep.  Here are a few tips that will hopefully help out. (This post contains affiliate links)

1) We put the girls in the same bassinet.  Yes, this goes against the AAP recommendations for safe sleep.  I understand why they have those recommendations, but every twin mom I heard from and talked to put both their babies in the same bassinet.  It was big enough; we used the whole top of a pack and play.  After spending nine months developing right next to each other in a tiny space it makes sense to me that they would find comfort being close to each other after birth.

2) Twins do sleep through each other crying!  It seems crazy that anyone could sleep with someone crying right next to them, but it really didn't seem to bother the girls.  This helped eliminate some stress when one girl would cry at night or at naps.  I could focus on soothing the girl who was crying without being super worried her sister would wake up.

3) My girls loved to be warm.  Absolutely adored it and hated to be even the littlest bit chilly.  I would have them sleep in a onesie, footie jammies, and a swaddle some nights.  In order to help them sleep even better we would use a heating pad to warm up their bed while we got them ready for bed and during the dream feed.  Note we didn't keep the heating pad in there while the girls were in the bed.  That's not super safe.  But using it before bed and during the dream feed helped transition them back to sleep, nice and warm.  We also kept the house warmer than we usually would.  Pat and I were in summer pajamas, but our girls were happy.  A nice bonus of this is that I could sleep in tanks for easy middle of the night nursing, and we didn't have any blankets or sheets on the bed.  This made it safer for me to lie down and nurse.

4) My girls adored the swaddle.  We did have to learn this one, despite being told that babies love swaddles.  Ben hated it!  He started breaking out of his swaddle before we even left the hospital with him.  We thought we were being nice by not using it consistently with the girls, but they really slept better with it.  I liked the SwaddleMe.  The velcro and stretchy material made it really easy to get nice and snug.  The velcro was a bit loud for middle of the night diaper changes, but it wasn't a big issue.  We would swaddle the girls for their last nursing before bed, and keep them swaddled through the dream feed.  It helped them settle down and stay asleep.  With twins it is easy for them to move around and whack each other while they are eating.  Eliminating this kept them sleepy and happy.

5) With twins having a night time partner is so helpful.  With Ben I handled most of the middle of the night wake ups.  I had the food, so it made sense for me to be the one to get up.  With two babies I  needed more help.  I would try to feed both girls at the same time at night.  But if I fed them one at a time I could lie down and still rest a bit while nursing.  Sometimes Pat had the hard job of comforting one girl while the other finished eating.  There were also times when both girls were just fussy and having a hard time sleeping.  It is very hard to hold and effectively comfort two newborns.  Having someone else to help was invaluable.

6) Cluster feeding is tough.  Babies just want to eat and eat, and with all my babies that desire took place late in the evening/at night.  Sadly with twins this meant sitting up and nursing them at the same time.  I don't have any life altering advice on how to get through this, other than record some good stuff on your dvr.  Mindless, guilty pleasure TV made accepting a sleepless night a little easier.

7) We are fans of the pacifier.  Yes, this means you have to wake up and pop it back in when it falls out.  I think it is way easier to quickly replace the pacifier before my babies wake fully up than deal with bigger wake ups at night.  I wasn't too worried about the girls waking each other up, but I didn't want them waking Ben up.

8) With two girls the same size we swapped clothes between them a lot.  Not with jammies or swaddles though.  I didn't want to have any worry that I wouldn't know who was who at night.  I took brief notes at night about who ate when.  Nothing fancy, just initials and times.  But it helped me know who I had fed and find patterns in the night wakings.  It might sound silly, but when you are tired and it is the middle of the night it is hard to remember these things.  Each girl also had her own side of the bassinet.  We didn't worry too much about who was put where in other aspects, like who was in which bouncer or who used which floor mobile.  But at sleep times we were consistent.  I feel weird when I sleep on the opposite side of the bed, so it I think the girls might too.

9) If one baby naps, the other naps too.  I was lucky with having identicals- they tend to have similar natural sleep needs and patterns.  Even so it can be hard when one baby is tired and the other isn't.  I did everything in my power to keep the babies napping at the same time.  I was strict in nap times and did have to use the clock for nap lengths at times.  It was not always easy.  There were some very frustrating nap periods.  But all the hard work was completely worth it!  After a few months I had twins who napped consistently and at the same time.

10) I use nap times to do any sleep transition I can.  We started sleeping without the swaddles at nap time.  We let the girls fuss a little longer if they weren't sleeping at nap time.  We also did the first transition to separate cribs at nap time.  Why?  It is selfish, but I'm already awake at those times.  It is easier for me to stay strong and keep up the changes.  I also try to protect every one's nighttime sleep.  This means making naps the 'rougher' time sleep doesn't go as well.  I like to work out the kinks before my kids need to sleep all night long.  I also like that there is a faster end time to any problems.  It is easy to feel frustrated, alone, and discouraged in the middle of the night.  Morning feels like years away and you think the crying will just go on forever.  Somehow in the middle of the day the challenges don't seem as bad.

11) Once the girls were doing well with nap times, if one of them work up early I would take them out to snuggle and rest together.  With twins it can be so hard to get good one on one time with each baby.  The occasional short nap made for a great chance to get that time.  Yes, I wanted my girls to get full naps and nap at the same time.  But every once in a while it was a real treat to have that special bonding time together.

12) Now that the girls are older they do 'talk' and laugh during nap times.  And you know what, as long as they aren't crying we let them.  If one is tired she will totally ignore her sister and go to sleep.  I pay attention to when this is happening, and keep an eye on their behavior to see if they need to get to bed earlier since they didn't sleep as much.  And we know as they get older they may keep an earlier bed time longer simply because they talk before they fall asleep.  The girls share a room and this isn't changing any time soon.  As long as they aren't fussing and do seem to be getting enough sleep overall, I don't see the harm

I think the girls are doing very well in terms of sleep.  They have consistent nap and bed times.  They stay happily in their cribs until their morning wake time if they wake early.  And they are happy to go to nap and bed times.  I can't ask for much more from my sweet girls.

-Kim

Please comment with your tips and experiences other moms!  (with singletons and multiples!)  Any twin moms have any questions?  I'm here to help if I can!

Nursing Twins: Thoughts on a year

We have made it to the one year mark of nursing with Ali and Sammy!  I am thrilled we were able to breastfeed as long as we have.  I wrote about my tips for nursing newborns previously, and fortunately nursing has gotten easier and faster since that point in time.

Before I get too into talking about nursing, I want to say that I really do believe fed is best.  I am so happy we have been able to nurse as long and as well as we have.  This is my experience and so that is what I am able to talk about.  That doesn't mean this is everyone's experience, and it does not mean it is the only way to feed babies.  There are lots of factors that going in to nursing and formula feeding, and every family has to do what is best for them.

When we started nursing the girls took a long time to eat.  Fortunately by about six months on the girls have only taken about 5-10 minutes to nurse.  The first and last sessions of the day are the longest, which is to be expected.  They are hungry when they wake up and more tired at night.  We were still nursing five times a day.  This doesn't quite fit into the traditional babywise schedule, and ignores the eat play sleep cycle before the afternoon nap.  I mention this because a common babywise myth is that you have to follow all the rules, it is very black and white.  And this is so not the case.  We adjusted the schedule to fit our needs, making it work for us instead of the other way around.  A concern with nursing before sleep time is that it will become a prop for baby, making it hard for them to fall asleep any other way.  I haven't found that to be the case with my girls.  I made sure to nurse in a different room, and just moving to the bedroom woke them up enough if they had fallen asleep.  Like I said, it worked for us.

I found I liked having more nursing sessions during the day because it took some pressure off.  With Ben, if he had a bad nursing session, it was easy to add in another one to make up for it.  With two babies and a toddler, it isn't always so easy to get off schedule.  More frequent feedings meant it was easier to make up for any poor sessions.  It gave less of a chance for the girls to get too hungry and need additional nursing.  It also allowed me to worry less about timing.  We could stretch nursing sessions out a bit if we need to and the girls would be just fine.

I actually have used my nursing pillow for the whole year.  I have the My Best Friend Twin Deluxe Nursing Pillow, and I love it.  I was never that into a nursing pillow with Ben, but with the girls I love it.  I found it worthwhile to even take it in the car with us if we would be gone through a nursing session.  I think it helped the girls settle into eating time by having a designated place that was just for eating.  It helped me feed them both at the same time.  Once they got pretty quick at eating dual nursing wasn't as much about saving time.  But it was so helpful to have both babies occupied at the same time.  That left just Ben free, and he could handle that.  It also let me have my hands free, which is a huge perk!  I was able to help the girls out if needed, referee their fights, and still help Ben if he brought things to me.  I highly recommend getting a good nursing pillow if you have twins.  It has been worth every penny.

A change we did make to our nursing style was to switch to only nursing on the floor.  Around seven months old the girls started to get antsy if they were done eating before their sister.  Before that they would just hang out and snuggle, but after seven months they wanted to get back to playing!  Never ones to just sit back and wait, they quickly learned how to roll off the pillow and get back to playing.  By sitting on the floor they are, of course, closer to the ground if they suddenly roll over.  I am able to help them down easily and they can get back to playing.  It sounds a bit strange, but it works!

We have been very fortunate in that we didn't have any major issues with nursing.  One thing that did come up is biting.  Both the girls did bite a few times.  There are a few big ways to deal with biting.
1) Yelp.  This one works well because it can be an honest reaction to getting bitten.  The idea is to startle the baby into letting go, and hopefully getting them to realize that biting hurts you.  I didn't want to try this with the girls because I didn't want to scare whomever wasn't biting.  And overall it just isn't my favorite technique.
2) Smoosh.  When baby bites you smoosh them into you.  This works with the body's natural response system.  If you try to pull something out of someone's mouth, they will bite down harder.  But if you push in the natural response is to let go to get whatever you have in your mouth out.  (It also kind of makes it hard for baby to breathe, so they let go.)  This worked well with Ben.  He quickly figured out he would get a giant head hug if he bit me and didn't bite.  However with both girls on the nursing pillow I couldn't quite get the angle right for this method to work.
3) Stop feeding.  This one worked for us.  If one of the girls bit me I would stop her sessions and put her down.  I would let the non biter finish, then finish up the biter.  So in reality the offender only had to wait a few minutes to get back to her meal, but it was long enough.  My girls did not like wanting to eat and not being able to.  It took a few times of biting, but the girls quickly figured out biting equals no more food.  This worked well for my babies.

Another change that took place after seven months was that I stopped worrying about who at from which side at each meal.  Before that I would have each girl stick to one side a day.  Once we started solids consistently and they each ate quickly, it really seemed like it didn't matter which side they were on.  I would pay attention to it if one of the girls seemed to be having a string of short meals, but overall they were pretty consistent.  I think this is a bonus of having identical twins- they tend to have similar appetites.

A time when nursing behaviors did change was during teething.  This was when, despite being identical as I just mentioned, personality differences really came out.  Ali was all about nursing when she was teething hard.  She didn't like to eat solids and just wanted milk.  Sammy on the other hand did not want to nurse much during these times.  She wanted the solid food to gnaw on.  If I noticed this happen I would pay attention  to which side the girls ate on and switch back and forth to maintain supply in both breasts.

Okay, so I realize some of this makes it sound like nursing twins has been a breeze.  We have had a great go of it.  Oh, there were a few minor hiccups, but overall it was just a natural as breathing.  Yeah... this is not always the case.  As I said I am thrilled that we have made it a year with nursing.  But I don't want to be putting pressure on other moms to feel they have to do the same.  I honestly am not sure we would have made it as far if I wasn't with the girls all day every day.  I didn't have to worry about pumping or bottle feeding.  I could make adjustments to the girls eating schedule as needed, and I could be sure that I maintained supply through consistent nursing.  There are many factors that make nursing hard, and twins just add to that.  I do think babywise and having a schedule helped out.  It helped me make sure nursing was a priority.  I started hoping to go just a few weeks nursing exclusively, then a few months, then a few more.

And now here we are at a year.  It wasn't always pretty.  Any nursing mom can tell you that it isn't all sunshine and roses.  Oh yes, there are moments where you feel so connected to your baby as they peacefully nurse.  But then there are moments where you wonder why you are doing this.  The girls grab at me, leaving little bruises and scratches from their tiny fingers and finger nails.  They mess with each other.  Sometimes accidentally, bumping each other or swinging an arm around.  Sometimes on purpose, reaching out to touch each other's faces or grab at each other's meals.  (Yes, I've tried to explain to babies that they are separate systems.  You don't get more if your sister doesn't get to eat!  I don't think they believed me.;) )  It can be emotionally hard to nurse twins.  There are times when I have to comfort one baby while the other eats happily.  It if physically awkward to pick one girl up and not disturb the other.  It is very hard when both of them are unhappy.  I mean, who do you comfort first?  It isn't necessarily any easier when they take turns being upset either.  It can be mentally draining.  I think for nursing even a single baby it can be tough to take just sit and focus on feeding.  At the beginning I counted, and I would literally spend eight hours or more of my day just nursing babies.  As someone who likes to be doing things, it is tough to remember that you are doing something, just by sitting there.  Two babies means even more to be done- more laundry, more messes to clean up, more to do.  I really had to work to remember that I am being productive and taking care of my family by sitting still and nursing.  Thankfully the girls eat quickly now, so that part for sure got easier.  I don't want to scare anyone out of trying to nurse their twins.  But I do want anyone going through it to know they aren't alone when they think, This is hard.  It is, and any unhappy thoughts you have about it are normal.  But it is worth it.

There are moments in nursing twins that you just have to laugh.  Our sessions sometimes look like something you would see in a viral facebook video.  This is how it goes down.  I get one girl and bring her over to the nursing spot.  I leave her sitting on the floor with a toy, hoping she will stay put.  Sometimes she does, score.  Usually not.  I go and get the other sister, and put her in the nursing spot.  I go and get the girl who crawled away already.  I remember to take down the gate between the living room and the hallway so Ben can get where he needs to be.  I try to grab my phone, some water, and anything else I will need in case the girls decide to settle in for a long feed.  I grab my nursing pillow and put it on.  I get one girl (they have both crawled away by now), and put her back in the nursing spot.  I quickly grab the other escapee and manage to sit down.  I get one girl on the pillow, and then the second.  They nurse.  Once they are finished they launch themselves into a roll, with absolutely no concern about the fact that they are about a foot off the floor and will fall right on their face.  I manage to control the fall and help them get down to the floor.  I try to entertain whomever is done first, especially if the gates aren't up.  I try to encourage the slow eater to eat faster, then feel guilty for telling a baby to chug.  First finisher gets bored and starts to get away from me.  Second baby finishes and launches herself off.  I quickly remove the pillow and scramble to get all the gates back in place while redressing.  It can be a to-do.  Some days you just have to laugh (and be grateful there usually aren't witnesses to the madness).

Let's talk gear.  As I said, I adore my nursing pillow.  Love love love it, would recommend it to all twin moms.  That was the main thing I have needed over the past year of nursing.  I have found it helpful to always layer a tank top under a top shirt.  This way you can take off the top shirt and just pull down the tank to  nurse, leaving your stomach covered.  If you nurse in public and would like you can use a cover, but really with nursing two babies at once everything is all out there.  I even just use a regular bra, because everything is out when nursing two.  This does save some money, nursing tanks and bras can get pricey!

The pros of nursing twins? You need less stuff.  You can take care of both babies at once.  The food is always ready, always formulated to your baby, and with you wherever you go.  My favorite- it's free!  The cons? It takes time.  It can be hard to get away from your babies.  You are always on call.  It can be emotionally and mentally draining.  Oh, and you can get bit.

Overall, I don't think I would change a thing with how nursing my girls has gone.  Okay, not true.  I would totally eliminate the biting if I could.  Other than that I think it has been a great run.  I know nursing isn't for everyone.  And nursing twins can be twice the pressure.  (Two babies needing you all the time for basic nutrition!)  I want to encourage other twin moms to do what is best for them. I think one of the most important things for a baby is a healthy mom.  But if nursing is the way you want to go know that it is possible!  You can do it, twin moms!

-Kim

Please comment with your tips and experiences other moms!  (with singletons and multiples!)  Any twin moms have any questions?  I'm here to help if I can!

Schedule update: One year old twins and a three & a half year old!

We now have two one year olds in our house!  Ben is cruising along at three and a half years old and busy as ever.  The schedule hasn't changed too much in the past month, but we have made a few tweaks.  The holidays gave us a chance to try a few new things, and I'm liking how we are doing!

Here is our basic outline of the day:

7:00am- Ben up! We spend a few minutes together and get his breakfast going.
7:15am- Ali and Sammy up!  I get them to the living room and nurse.
7:30am- Ali and Sammy play while I make their breakfast.  Ben helps now, which is super sweet. (But means it takes a few minutes longer)

7:45am- Everyone sits to breakfast.  We try to facetime with family during this time.  The kids eat a better breakfast with someone besides me to look at. ;)

8:30am- Done with breakfast, kids play while I clean up.  I try to squeeze in some reading time and play with the kids.  

9:00am- Ali and Sammy to first nap.  Ben and I do a one on one activity now.  I choose it and I try to make it educational.  My goal is at least ten minutes of directed activity, but if he is in to it we stretch it a bit.  After that he does his independent play while I get some work and chores done.
11:00am- Ali and Sammy wake up and nurse.

11:30am-1:45pm- This is still our busy time.  If we have early activities we head out to those and then get home for lunch around 12:30 or so.  If we are just doing our own thing we usually do an early lunch.  We go to libraries, parks, and do any errands we might have.  Home time is spent reading and playing with the kids.  We are trying to get as much outdoor time as possible too!
1:45pm- Ali and Sammy nurse and head to naps. Ben gets a snack if we did an early lunch.
2:00pm- Ben to nap.

4:30pm- Everyone is up!  I let them up any time after 4.  Ben is pretty good about staying in his room if he wakes up early, but most days I still have to wake him up.  I try to stretch the girls a bit as sort of an independent playtime.

4:30pm- The kids get a small snack.  I don't like that they eat so close to dinner, but the girls at least cannot make it to dinner without a little something.  Ben usually just gets some milk.  If everyone is happy I will skip the snack.  Some days just a few bites are what keep the girls happy and playing til dinner.  This is when Ben gets to watch a show too.
5:30pm- Dinner time!  We all eat together.  If Pat is working late or the kids are really having a hard time waiting til dinner time I start them off early, but we aim to all eat together.
6:00pm- Family play time!  (And baths on rotating nights.)
6:45pm- Jammie time for Ali and Sammy, then they nurse.

7:00pm- Ali and Sammy to bed for the night.

7:10pm- Ben starts his bedtime routine.  

7:30pm- Ben in bed for the night.

As the girls are getting older we can be slightly more flexible with their schedule.  We can shorten their morning nap to get to more activities.  And they are can move their solid meals around a bit if I give them a little snack.  This really frees us up to go more places.  We have also started the slow move toward weaning by dropping the post afternoon nap nursing session.  The girls were not happy to have to nurse then and have been so much happier in the post nap time without it.  As a bonus they are nursing better at the other time of day.  As I said we aren't rushing to wean, but it is the first step!

I've added in the directed activity for Ben and he has been doing so well with it!  It has been great practice for him to have to sit still and do what he is told for a bit.  We do puzzles, crafts, color, work on letters and numbers, and do work on other concepts through play.  I think the special attention helps him keep a happy attitude throughout the day, and we are working on things he will need in preschool.  Ben has also been super into helping out lately.  He loves to help me with any chores I am doing and with the cooking.  It does make things take a bit longer at times, but I appreciate his interest in what I am doing!

This schedule is really working for us right now.  Ben is doing really well with his extra attention, and it makes him so much more patient with his sisters!  The girls are so much fun, playing and getting into everything.  I've added in a planning session every evening too.  Just taking five minutes to jot down the plan for the next day makes everything go much more smoothly.  We deviate from the schedule as needed, but having a game plan helps me make sure everyone's needs are met.

-Kim

January 2017 Book List

New year, new books! I'm taking a little break from the twin posts to share a few books I've been reading lately. (This post contains affiliate links. All opinions are my own.)

I'm Judging You by Luvvie Ajayi

I grabbed this book off the library shelf because I liked the title. And I loved this book!  It's a collection of essays by a blogger.  She touches on all sorts of topics- internet etiquette, real life etiquette, social norms, racism, sexism, friendship- the whole gamut.  And it is funny!  It can be a tough read, I didn't agree with everything she said.  And she touches on some uncomfortable topics, especially the racism and sexism.  But that is good!  I read to enjoy myself but I also like to read to grow.  This book made me think and evaluate how I feel and how I impact those around me.  As I said, I didn't always agree with everything she said.  But I didn't feel attacked by her opinion.  The title is "I'm Judging You," but I didn't leave reading this book feeling like a bad person.  It challenged me to think more and aim to be a better person, but didn't leave me feeling angry at the author for ferreting out my flaws.  I recommend this one to anyone.  It also gave me some great ideas for topics to discuss with the kids as they get older.

The Girls by Emma Cline

This is sort of a fictionalized version of what happened with Charles Manson in the sixties.  It is the story of a young girl who is kind of ignored by her divorcing parents and falls in with a group of girls who seem exciting.  They live on a ranch with a charismatic man and they all do a bunch of drugs.  The story is interspersed with narration from the girl as an adult, telling her story to a teen.  I think some of the commentary on what it feels like to be a teenage girl was spot on.  Feeling like your worth is solely in the judgment of others, wanting boys to notice you, trying to fit into a group- all things I think almost every teen has gone through.  I think the writing was a bit overly descriptive, I felt bogged down and annoyed by all the clutter.  But then again that is what I imagine life on the ranch was like, so maybe it was by design.  I wish we knew more about the narrator as an adult, but overall I enjoyed the read.

The House of Secrets by Brad Meltzer and Tod Goldberg

This is a history based thriller that flows a lot like Dan Brown novels.  A main character trying to solve a mystery about a historical figure (Benedict Arnold in this one). a secret figure operating in the background, and lots of questions.  This book focuses around Hazel, a college professor who is in a car accident with her brother and father.  Her father was the host of a reality show called House of Secrets, one of those history channel type shows where they go around trying to solve ancient mysteries.  He dies in the crash and Hazel loses her emotional connection to memories, making her forget things.  It is interesting to think about how our emotions color what we remember and how we interpret situations.  I enjoyed the fast paced style of the book and I always enjoy reading about a mystery with a historical basis.  The thing is, when the twist is revealed I didn't quite get why the secrecy was needed.  I don't want to give it away what the mystery is, but suffice to say I don't think all the fuss about it was needed.  People would have understood.  This was a fun book for a vacation read.  If you like Dan Brown style books you will like this one.

The Wedding Shop by Rachel Hauck

This book follows two time lines.  The first is Haley who has returned to her old hometown and has taken on the challenge of reopening the town wedding shop.  This shop has a big history in the town, which we see from the other timeline.  This is Cora's story, taking place in the 1930s.  She's a working woman in a time most woman didn't own businesses.  We follow the ladies through their romantic challenges and just general life challenges as they try to decide the direction they want to go.  This is a Christian novel.  I chose it because I was looking for a nice Christian fiction book to read, but honestly felt like the religious parts were a bit forced and felt like an add on.  They are nice if you are looking for that, but if that part doesn't interest you it is easy to gloss over them.  This is actually just one book in a three part arc, but it stands alone just fine.  I am interested in reading the other two books, but I haven't exactly run out to get them.  I think that says a lot.  This is a nice book.  I really liked the descriptions of the shop itself and all the wedding dresses.  I liked that it sparked me to remember my own engagement time and wedding.  It was slightly predictable, but one of those books that made me feel good while I read it and left me feeling happy when I was finished.  I like books like that.

As always, I'd love suggestions of other books to read!  Happy reading!

-Kim