7 Ways to Encourage Toddlers to Embrace their Natural Scientific Tendencies- Guest Post

Today is a Babywise Friendly Blog Network (BFBN) trade day!  I am over at Chronicles of a Babywise Mom today.  Twin naps.  Guys, they can be tough.  Getting one baby on a solid nap schedule is tough, two can be tougher.  I have outlined how I went about getting my girls on a solid nap schedule.  Trust me, all the efforts are worth it.

Today I have Katrina from Mama's Organized Chaos talking about one of my favorite things- kids and science!  You all know I think we need to be encouraging our little scientists.  Katrina is giving us some great tips about how to actually do that.

As always, be sure to check out all the BFBN ladies to see what they have to say!

-Kim

Why? Why? Why? Why?

This question probably sounds familiar if you have a young child! While it probably gets annoying at times to answer question after question, it is an amazing quality that children exhibit- curiosity! From birth, our babies are little scientists as they figure out how the world around them works. They may not know the word gravity yet, or what it means, but they test it's presence every day as they drop items on the floor, and even test jumping off of things themselves. Our babies don't know what adhesion, cohesion, and surface tension mean, but they certainly test the capabilities and properties of water as much as they can. They learn and they absorb so much knowledge through open play that allows them to explore their natural curiosities.

Why is the basic question of science, and our children are natural born scientists! Our children form hypotheses and test them without even knowing it! Our children are little observers, just as the best scientists are. I think it is so important to celebrate these natural tendencies, and encourage them to embrace these qualities. As parents this can be unknown territory, especially if you were not a fan of science. But, the reality, is that it is so easy to help our children embrace their natural scientific tendencies, and I bet you love science more than you realize (just maybe not that high school chemistry class) LOL!

As a scientist myself, I find it fascinating to watch as my toddler shows exceptional scientific qualities. I bet your little one exhibits these qualities, too! When I think about what it takes to be a good scientist, I come up with a handful of qualities. Does your toddler exhibit any of these?

- Notices details
- Enjoys making observations
- Is curious about the world around them and how things work
- Enjoys exploring
- Likes to be challenged
- Appreciates nature and loves being outside
- Attempts to solve problems

There are more qualities, of course, like being patient and determined and organized, but those things are for the adult scientists, and come with age.

I bet your child, if given the chance to show these qualities and behaviors, would exhibit at least 6 out of the 7 qualities mentioned, if not 7 of 7! The key, however, is allowing them to keep these natural tendencies of theirs, by encouraging the above behaviors. You don't have to love chemistry to help your child keep their scientific skills alive and thriving!

Here are 7 basic ways you can help your child embrace their natural scientific tendencies (without getting all pinteresty with science experiments):

1. Go outside and enjoy nature. Yes, you can go to the playground, but on the way there, take a walk and explore. Sit in the grass and watch the birds. Pick up rocks and sticks. Sit on the sidewalk and watch the ants crawling. Encourage free time outside that is exploration based.

2. Let your child get dirty. Allow them to interact with nature in an uninhibited way. Yes, supervise to make sure your 1.5 year old isn't eating rocks, but allow them the freedom to play in the mud and squash it between their fingers. Get your rain coats on and splash in the puddles. Children are learning so much when they have the freedom to get dirty! They might just find a worm, or a frog and start making observations! You never know what knowledge a little dirt will impart on your child!

3. Allow your child the freedom to solve their own problems. Try not to step in any time your child hits a roadblock. You can give suggestions and offer things to think about and to try, but don't just step in and solve the problem for them all the time. Let your child struggle a bit. The struggle of solving a problem can lead to amazing learning experiences, and your child will grow up knowing they are capable of figuring things out. I think this step is extra important in today's cell phone age where we have information at our hands in a moments notice. We need to start young and teach our children that they can't always look everything up. Sometimes they need to solve a problem on their own.

4. Encourage them to find answers to their questions. This ties right into the above idea of allowing our children to solve their own problems. When they ask us a question, it is easy to always answer it. Sometimes it's ok to ask them what they think the answer is, though! It is even better to give them a way to find the answer to their questions on their own. Help them break down the question by asking them questions that lead to the answer. For example, when my daughter asks "What is that noise?", I start by asking her what she thinks it is. If she doesn't know and says "Help please", I start asking her questions. I ask if it is inside or outside? Sometimes, after answering, this question is enough to get her to venture a guess, and most of the time she knows the answer! If she doesn't venture a guess, I "guess" and ask her to tell me if I'm right. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? At 2 she can often answer what it is right off the bat, and if not, she eliminates items with me as we determine what it is together.

5. Make observations and ask questions. As a parent it is important to model this behavior yourself. Talk with your child as you go about your daily life. Ask questions about the world, and make lots of observations. Try to be detailed. Make note of the big green frog, and talk about it! Talk about the spots on its back, and the sound it makes. So much more comes from that, as opposed to just saying "oh a frog" and being done with your observation. Note the details!

6. Provide independent play. Nothing fuels problem solving, exploration, and observations more than independent play. When you aren't right by your child's side, they are much more likely to attempt to solve their own problem, try things in different ways, look at things in a new light. It is not uncommon for children to default to their parents when they are around. They know that mom will come solve everything, so they don't bother to attempt. Pretend you are busy, or even better, establish a routine of independent play! Your child's ability to solve problems will sky rocket!

7. Allow creativity. Scientists think outside of the box. That's how problems get solved. But we need creative solutions in order to solve the creative problems of the world. So, while you teach your child to color in the lines, also show them that they can color outside the lines and even add their own drawings. Let them do things their way. Often times, you'll learn a little something from your child, and learning from our children is one of the many gifts they'll give us as parents!

Other Posts of Interest:

Let Your Toddler Get Dirty

Independent Play- Our Progression

Reviving Independent Play "Room Time"

8 Independent Table Activities for 2 Year Olds

My Little Outdoor Helper- 2 Years Old and Helping With Family Responsibilities

Play Categories to Include for Every Toddler/Child

Strong As a Mom- A STEM Loving Mom

Like it? Pin it!

Katrina has a 2 year old daughter and blogs at Mama's Organized Chaos. She's a mama that breastfed, used cloth diapers, did sleep training, and loves Babywise!

How to Teach a Child to be Gentle With a Baby- Guest Post

I have a great guest post today.  Valerie, the Babywise Mom, is giving us her tips on how to help toddlers and preschoolers get used to interacting with a new baby.  It can be a tough transition to big brother or sister.  There is this new little person you want to play with, but they don't play right.  And everyone is yelling at you to be careful!  I really appreciate all the advice on how to help big siblings interact with the new little people in their lives.

I'm over at Wiley Adventures today.  Carrie is someone who loves to read, much like myself.  She recently posted about sharing Harry Potter with her daughter, and it got me thinking about all the books I am looking forward to sharing with my kids.  Check out my post of 8 Books I can't Wait to Read With My Children!
-Kim

by Valerie Plowman

The idea of a new baby sounds nice and even exciting to a child, but the reality is often much different than the child imagined. I mean, isn't it different than anyone imagined? The reality is that baby takes a lot of  mom's time, baby cries, and baby is a baby. Baby isn't a playmate or a social equal. Baby won't be ready to really play with the older sibling for many, many months to come. And even when the baby starts to be able to play somewhat, it still isn't a running around having a good time type of play.

Your child may be dealing with crushed dreams and might need a little bit of guidance on just how to be gentle with the baby. Here are some tips on how to go about that. 

Demonstrate How to Touch and Play With a Baby

Most children will not have natural instincts on how to correctly interact with a baby. Your child will likely need to be taught how to do so. A time-proven way to teach a child is through demonstration. Show your child how to correctly touch a baby. How do you touch? How do you pick up? How do you hand a toy? How do you hug or kiss a baby? You can have your child practice with a stuffed animal or doll before turning him loose on the real live deal.

As your child first starts to hand things to the baby, hold baby, or touch baby, you can help guide your child through the process. Literally hold his hand when he strokes baby's arm so he can feel the proper pressure you are looking for. 

When my second child was born, my oldest was 22 months old. I would show him how to do things with the baby gently and always whisper the word, "Soft." Then when he touched his sister, I could whisper the word "Soft" and he knew what I meant.

Give Positive Reinforcement When Done Correctly

When your child is kind and gentle with the baby, comment on it and thank your child. "Thank you for being so soft with your sister! She likes that." Children do not automatically know what is right and what is wrong, so when you point out when things are done correctly, it helps them catalog that. 

Allow Time for Rough Play Each Day

If your child is a mover and tends to want to wrestle the baby, make sure your child gets some physical activity each day that doesn't involve the baby. Wrestling with a parent, going for a walk, playing outside...find things to do so your child can get that strong physical movement done somewhere other than playtime with the younger sibling. 

Watch Your Child With Baby

It is great to have time each day for your children to play with each other. I even had an official "Sibling Playtime" when my children were younger. As your little ones play with each other, watch over them and step in when needed. Again, they are just learning social skills. They need guidance on what is okay and what isn't. 

Limit the Length of Time Together

If you limit the amount of time spent playing with each other, you can help reduce the chances of playtime getting rough. Figure out what is a good length and end it there. You have nap times, meal times, learning times, and independent playtimes that can help break up free play with siblings. 

Help Your Child Develop Love For Baby

Your child has a greater chance of being gentle with the baby if your child feels a love toward the baby. A simple way to help a child develop a true love is to have your child serve the baby. Human nature is such that if we serve others, we come to love them. I have also found that it is helpful to help the older child discover what is the same between the baby and himself. Even just "You both have two eyes!" goes a long way.

Relax About It

When I was pregnant with my third child, a friend of mine had twins. They were numbers five and six for her. When we walked in the door to visit them, my friend immediately handed my not-quite 16 month old one of the babies. It stressed me out! Surely my pretoddler would break the baby! But my friend wasn't worried and the baby survived without incident. This same friend now has nine children. Her babies get carried all around by older siblings of various ages, again, all without incident. 

I share that just to point out that you probably have a fair amount of room for relaxation. Babies can handle a lot and are pretty tough. Do not freak out if your child accidentally hurts the baby. Odds are the baby will cry and that will make your child upset enough without you scolding. You don't want to alienate your older child by making a big deal out of it and scaring your child from ever going near the baby again. 

Conclusion

While your child won't automatically know how to properly play with a baby, you can do a lot of simple things to help your child learn what is and isn't okay. Give it time and patience and your child will get there. Keep in mind that most of humanity has had an older sibling and has survived it. Your baby will, too.

Valerie is mother to four and blogs at www.Babywisemom.com.

Be sure to check out the other ladies of the BFBN today!

Letter from Gramma- Guest Post

Well, we have survived the first year of having twins.  Go us!  I can't believe a whole year has gone by.  It is so true what they say sometimes, the days are long but the years are short.  I feel like the girls were just born yesterday, but that we've had them forever.  So yup, all the cliches are holding up here.  :)  I've decided to take a couple of weeks and look back at all things twin.  I really love blogging because it helps me organize my thoughts and keep a record of our lives.  Things can get pretty hectic, especially with three kids, and I don't want to forget this amazing year.

To start off with we have a guest post from Gramma!  Gramma has a unique point of view in that both of her kids have twins.  And no, there is no genetic reason why we both should, just pure chance.  Can you imagine having one set of twins as grandchildren, then finding out you are getting another?  I'm not sure what the odds are on that, but I would think not very high.  I asked her to write a bit about her thoughts when she found out Ali and Sammy were on the way, and a bit on her perspective of the girls' first year.  Thank you so much for writing, Gramma!!

Here is what she had to say:

I remember when we first found out you were expecting what was to be your second baby (our 5th grandchild) and teasing you about possibly having twins (since Lindsay had a set of twins) and we all laughed (Kim and Patrick perhaps a bit uncomfortably).  Even though the timing was a bit earlier than anticipated, we were so excited for you and for the new addition to the family.  We knew you would be great parents to this new life you had created together.

Imagine everyone's surprise when ultrasounds and other tests showed there were, in fact, two babies!!!!  Of course, I can't even begin to understand your shock/joy/terror/anticipation (and many more emotions I'm sure), but we were thrilled for you knowing your family would be complete, that Ben would have two little siblings to help care for/play with/boss around.

Apparently our kids don't mess around with having kids.  First Lindsay has a baby and 2 years later has twins, then you have Ben and a little over 2 years later have twins as well.  How many grandparents can say that each of their children has a set of twins?  It's amazing and wonderfully magical!

I know you were happy that you had a sister-in-law Lindsay to lean on during the pregnancy and after the twins were born, having gone through it in the not-too-distant past.  And Lindsay was happy to lend what expertise (are we ever experts as parents?) and reassurances she could to you.  I know that this shared experience has made you two closer and I am delighted to see that.

I somehow never doubted that all would go well with both the pregnancy and birth and that mother and both babies would be healthy.  Sometimes one just feels that instinctively and that was the case with me.

You two did such a great job preparing Ben for the babies and making him on one hand feel special that he was the big brother and on the other hand that this was just normal life and the babies weren't going to take anything away from his relationship with the two of you.  Ben didn't seem too impressed by the new additions and mostly just ignored them; however he always made sure they had their binkies, their burp cloths, and their loveys with them which was pretty special!!!  As the girls have grown, Ben has overall been gentle with them, has allowed them to crawl over him, has learned to share most toys with them (of course, he still needs his own "big boy" toys, which is only right), and straightens up after them which is hysterical.

Our only regret is that we don't live closer and can't see them and their big brother Ben as often as we would like.  I know we've missed a lot being so far apart, but you two have done a great job of keeping us up to date and in touch with picture, videos, phone calls, and Skype.  Thank you for that!

These new additions to our family have been loved from the moment we knew of their existence and it has been a joy to see them thrive in their first year of life.  They are beautiful, snuggly (which is a grandmother's dream of course), funny, loud, giggly, sweet girls and we are so lucky to have them in our lives.  

Thank you for your great letter, Gramma!

Gramma and Sammy!

Gramma and Ali!

-Kim

BFBN: Crib to Bed Transition: Staying in Bed- Guest Post

It's a trade day!  The ladies of the Babywise Friendly Blog Network are swapping blogs on all sorts of topics today.  I am over at Twinning Babywise talking about baby led weaning and how having twins impacts using that method.

Here I have Emily from The Journey of Parenthood!  We recently switched Ben from his crib to his big boy bed.  So far he is following the rules and doing a great job.  But I am already looking down the road at when the girls switch beds.  Emily has gone through the transition with three kids and has some great tips to make the change easier!
-Kim

Transitioning from a crib to a bed is a BIG DEAL. The crib has four sides. It has clear boundaries! It's where you child has slept their entire life and feels comfortable, safe and content.

I am a big believer in NOT rushing the crib to bed transition. If it ain't broke don't fix it. I'd keep my children in the crib for as long as possible! We always do the transition because we have another baby on the way and will need the crib. In that scenario I recommend doing the transition during 2nd trimester of pregnancy. You don't want to throw too many changes onto your toddler at the same time and doing the switch mid-pregnancy gives the toddler plenty of time to fully adjust before their little baby brother or sister arrives. 

I have transitioned all three of my kids from the crib to the bed with minimal issues (We just recently moved our current toddler so I don't have a post on that yet but you can read about my oldest child's transition here and my middle child's here!). The crucial concern parents have about moving to a big kid bed is: "will my child STAY PUT?!?!"

Here are some tips to help with this transition and to ensure you ALL get some sleep without a toddler escaping their bed:

1. Build Up the Big Kid Bed: This is my #1 tip about switching from the crib to a bed. TALK IT UP people! Make it a HUGE deal! If you have a new baby on the way also talk about how the crib will be for the new baby and how special it is that he or she is going be a big brother/sister etc. Get them excited for their new bed and they will LOVE it!
2. Have Consistent Discipline: This is something you need to have in place prior to the transition. If you've been slacking a bit on a consistent discipline routine then get back on it and make sure your child knows that if they disobey Mommy or Daddy then there are consequences and make sure they know you will follow through with those consequences!
3. Lay Down the Rules: Decide with your spouse what rules you want to enforce with the new bed and then communicate those to your child. No standing, no jumping, no getting out of bed etc. Give then clear expectations and explain the consequences if they choose to disobey. 
4. Clear the Room: Remove temptations! Make sure there aren't toys on the floor where your child will be tempted to get out of the bed and get them. Have a clean room so it's rather boring for them! Set them up for success!
5. Keep Things Similar: Your child is comfortable in their crib so you want to shadow that experience as much as possible. If they are used to white noise, keep it. Black out curtains? Keep em. If they sleep with a lovey, be sure to bring him along for the big switch too! 
6. Watch and Respond: A video monitor is so crucial for this transition. You want to be able to watch your child like a hawk and RUN into their room the second they step foot out of the bed. You want to catch them in the act so they will understand they aren't supposed to get out. If they are out and playing and then you get onto them later they will not make the connection as well as if you get onto them the instant they step foot out of the bed.
7. Be Stern, Be Firm, Follow Through: When the toddler gets out of the bed be firm with them in reminding them of the rules. Remind them also of the discipline action you will take if they choose to get out of the bed again. Then it's so important to actually follow through. I like to give that one time of me just getting onto my child so they understand fully what I'm expecting and what will happen if THEY choose to disobey. Then the second time? I follow through with the disciplinary action.
8. Praise: Just as you built up the big kid bed, you gotta keep the excitement going! When they have stayed in the bed and it's time to get up SHOWER them with praise! Make them feel like the biggest big kid ever!

Like any transition it takes several days for a child to get use to their new sleep environment. Don't be surprised if it takes them longer to fall asleep (my recent child took over an hour at naps to finally fall asleep for several days when we transitioned) or if they are hesitant about things. Keep encouraging them and keep sticking to the plan and before you both know it the crib days will be a distant memory (or a current bed for a new baby as you start the whole process over again!). 

Emily is the mother of three (Kye, Britt and Tess) and is eagerly awaiting the completion of their family through the blessing of adoption! You can follow her at The Journey of Parenthood...

BFBN: Honey are you sitting down? We're having TWINS!- Guest Post

It's a BFBN trade day!  I'm over at Mama's Organized Chaos giving my bath time confessions.  Here today I have Cole from Twinning Babywise.  She is telling us her twin story!  I love hearing about how people found out they were having twins.  Really I love the story of finding out about any baby, but twins often take us by surprise.  Cole's story is great!  And be sure to check in with all the BFBN ladies to read some great posts today!

-Kim

I called my husband on the way home from the appointment:

Eddie, are you sitting down? There are TWO. We’re having TWINS.

Seriously?! Are they conjoined?

What? Conjoined? No. They are separate. There are just two of them.

It’s still hilarious to me that my husband’s first thought when I told him we were having twins was that we were having conjoined twins. Obviously, right?

But really, the fact that that’s where his mind went just goes to show how unprepared we were for this news. It wasn’t like we’d always hoped for twins. We had a one year old and a two year old at the time; twins was our worst nightmare!

That’s not to say being pregnant with twins hadn’t crossed MY mind. This pregnancy was different from the very beginning and I just knew it. I felt pregnancy symptoms almost immediately and they were much stronger than my prior two pregnancies. In fact, at one point I was talking to my mom about how different the third pregnancy was and jokingly said “Is this how all 3rd pregnancies are or am I having twins?!”

But of course, I didn’t actually think I was having twins. That would be crazy!

The First Appointment

I made my 8 week appointment and counted down the days to see that little heartbeat, just like I had with my other two pregnancies. On the day of the appointment I was nervous. I am always nervous before appointments for the first 12 weeks.

I watched the screen as she moved the ultrasound around…

No baby.

I don’t mean “no heartbeat.” There was literally no baby. No sack, nothing. Just black on the screen.

According to my last period date, I should have been eight and a half weeks. There should clearly have been a baby there. I’d tested positive on a pregnancy test almost 3 weeks prior. Plus, I felt pregnant!

My midwife told me to make an appointment for the week following. I spent the next week completely convinced and utterly horrified that I was having a phantom pregnancy. Have you heard about those? It’s when someone wants to be pregnant so badly that they convince themselves they are. Women experiencing a phantom pregnancy commonly show all the pregnancy symptoms despite the fact that they are NOT pregnant. This was me! I felt sopregnant.

So that’s the mental state I was in when I laid down on the bed and stared at the ultrasound screen where there were now not one but TWO babies with little tiny hearts beating away.

I’m having twins.

How It Happened

In retrospect it all makes sense. My cycle had not regulated yet because it was only the second one I’d had – prior to that I was nursing my son and had no cycle. I must have ovulated very late – somewhere around day 25 or 30. When I tested positive on the pregnancy test, I was only 3 weeks pregnant. Normally you would not test positive this early, but since I was having twins, my HCG was doubled. At my first appointment, I was only 5 weeks pregnant or so, which is why there was nothing to see.

Having twins had never seriously occurred to me. They do not run in my family. I have never had fertility treatments. I do not have any of the main “risk factors” for twins – like being over 30, overweight, or African American (although I am on the taller side, which can slightly increase your chances). Identical twins are thought to occur completely by chance, but my twins are fraternal. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME?

However it happened, it’s been the most amazing thing. It’s uniquely special to not only fall in love each day with your baby but to watch your babies fall in love with each other. My twins are only seven months old and I can already see an incredible bond forming.

Just a Small Note About Worry

At each stage, I’ve worried about having twins. I worried about miscarriage. I worried about pre-term labor. I worried about needing a c-section. I worried about not being able to breastfeed twins. I worried about keeping sane with four kids three and under. It’s not that these worries weren’t legitimate – lots of twin moms do go into pre-term labor and lots of twin moms do have a c-section – but what can be gained by worrying? Getting pregnant with twins was completely out of my control – it just happened to me – and having them (and the two others!) is teaching me every day to just roll with the punches. It’s been a huge lesson in learning to SHUT OFF THE WORRY. I was given these twins and I have both the strength and the capacity to mother them – no matter what life brings. If all babies are a blessing, then twins are just a double helping. Sure, it can be chaotic and at times feel like A LOT, but what a special addition they’ve been to our family!

I think Kimberly would agree, TWINS ARE THE BEST.

**If you’d like to read our twin birth stories, you can find Kimberly’s here and mine here. Then hop around our blogs for more and more twin stuff!

The Wonder Weeks Book Review- Guest Post

It's a BFBN trade day!  I'm over at The Moses Home today talking about why I try to maintain a normal schedule when my kids have a minor illness.  Here today I have Katrina from Mama's Organized Chaos!  She wrote a great review of the Wonder Weeks book.  It's amazing to learn how babies learn about the world around them!

-Kim

I remember it vividly- I was finally pregnant, and I happened to be at Target. I thought I'd stop by the book section and get a few pregnancy books. I couldn't wait to read about the bundle of joy inside of me. I love knowing facts and details. I bought two books. One of them was What to Expect When Expecting (an amazing book). The other book, I returned so fast, I don't even remember the title. It was the most negative book I'd ever read. It detailed every possible thing that could go wrong during pregnancy, along with all of the things I needed to avoid, etc. It was not something I wanted to read. I am all about knowing the facts, but I am also focused on staying positive and realistic. As the book was written it simply put unneeded and unwanted worry on expecting moms. When I returned the book, I also returned to the pregnancy book aisle. I found that many of the books focused on the negatives. So, I stuck with the one good book I'd found and did the rest of my reading and research online. About a month before my due date I realized I should probably start reading up on my baby, instead of just the pregnancy. I found two phenomenal books: Babywise, and The Wonder Weeks. I've decided to start doing book reviews of the helpful books that I find. So, today I'll be starting with The Wonder Weeks.

The Wonder Weeks concept and idea is just fascinating to me. This book outlines 10 developmental milestones that occur in a baby's first 20 months of life. The idea is that these developmental milestones actually occur at roughly the same time for babies (within a few weeks). With predictable leaps in babies development, this book is incredibly eye opening as a parent. The book details the earliest week that these leaps typically occur. You can literally look at a calendar and predict when they will occur for your child. During these leaps, your baby is extra fussy as they work through these life altering changes that are occurring in their brains. When the leap is over you'll be able to see your baby showing new skills!

My experience: I found that the app coupled with the book was an amazing combination. I detail below what each has to offer. The combination put my mind at ease. All of the sudden (literally out of the blue) Caroline would be extra fussy, and I had no idea why or what had changed. Without fail, 100% of the time, I would check the wonder week calendar, and Caroline would be entering or already in a leap. It was shocking to me how predictable these leaps really were! Once I realized that Caroline was in a leap, I'd read the chapter for that specific leap in The Wonder Weeks book. Reading about the skills she was developing put everything into perspective and allowed me to remove myself from the frustration of the "fussy period", and be more understanding that it wasn't my fault or her fault or anyone's fault...it was a normal mental development that was occurring. I was also able to read about the new skills that might be popping up, and see them happening right before my eyes. Truly amazing. Once I realized that the concept of this book seemed to really be on point, my husband and I would read about the next leap ahead of time so we knew what skills we were looking for. We enjoyed reading the chapters together every evening, and discussing our daughter's progress.

The App: I think the app is now $1.99. It is the ONLY app I've ever paid money for, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. The app is a quick reference to keep tabs on where your child is in their developmental cycle. You can enter your child's birth date and track where they are in relation to the leaps that are outlined in the book. The app gives a quick summary of the skills that may be developing during this leap. I used the app mostly for the ease of the calendar and tracking.

The book suggests to base your child's development based on their due date. I entered 2 "children" into the app: Caroline based on her due date, and Caroline based on her birth date. I always found that my daughter entered leaps perfectly based on her birth date. I tracked them both for about 6 months, and once I realized our trend to be based on birth date, I stopped tracking based on due date all together. I'd recommend doing this to see how the calendar lines up for your specific child. 

The Book: The book is a must buy. It goes into a ton of detail about what is happening with your baby's development. There is a separate chapter for each wonder week (or leap). Each chapter consists of 4 sections:

• This Week's Fussy Signs: This section outlines what behaviors and clues to look for indicating that your baby is about to make a developmental leap.  There is a diary section where you can check off the signs you've noticed to help you keep track of things.
• The Magical Leap Forward: This section discusses the new skills and abilities your child may acquire during the leap. Again, there is a diary section with a checklist . This was probably our favorite part of the book! We loved reading about all of the new skills that our baby would soon acquire!
• What You Can Do to Help: This is an amazing section, that gives you ideas for games, toys, and even focused activities that are catered to each stage of development. This is also one of my favorite parts to read through and gave me some great ideas!
• After the Leap: After the leap, your baby will start to be happy, and more independent again. This section lets you know when to expect this. 

The chapters also have real life experience quotes from moms and dads, along with fun facts on things like brain changes, sleep tips, top toys, and more! As an example, in wonder week 12, there is a brain change fact that states "At approximately 10 to 11 weeks, the head circumference of babies dramatically increases". I just loved seeing everything put forward in such a positive light with lots of fun facts. Babies have a lot of ups and downs and it can be hard on parents when they don't know what's going on. This book really does help you to understand what's happening in your baby's development and how you can assist to make things easier on them. I highly recommend grabbing a copy! We'll even be re-reading this when baby #2 comes along one day- it was that interesting and there are way too many facts to simply remember for the next go around. It is definitely an in the moment read and well worth your time (even when sleep deprived)!

Other Posts of Interest:
The Wonder Weeks "Grey Period"- What is it?
Wonder Weeks- Leap 6
Baby Brains

Katrina is a mom of an almost 2 year old daughter (Caroline). She is a former engineer and high school chemistry teacher, turned stay at home Babywise Mama! Head on over to Mama's Organized Chaos to read more.

BFBN- 8 Ways to Reward Your Children for Good Behavior- Guest Post

It's BFBN trade day!  I'm over at The Journey of Parenthood talking about how I stay mindful while getting a lot of twin attention.

Today I am lucky to have Valerie from Chronicles of a Babywise Mom!  The kids have been so good with all the changes and crazy days during this move.  I have been looking for ways to reward them for their good behavior, as well as encourage it to continue.  Val has 8 great ways to reward our kids that are easy to do.  I'm so happy to have this list to add to my bag of tricks!

As always, check out all the BFBN ladies for some great posts!

-Kim

Positive reinforcement is a powerful way to encourage good behavior. You might think "reward" and worry it will either take too much effort or that your child will come to depend on it. Rewarding your child for choosing to do the right thing should be a natural part of life and does not need to be something big. You want to help your child recognize what behavior is appropriate while also helping your child learn to be self-motivated to make right choices.

1- One-on-One Time

A great reward that any child loves is one-on-one time with a parent. You might go out for a treat, go to a movie, or simply go for a walk. You could do a dance party in the family room. You could bake cookies. Children love the undivided attention of their parents. It has been said that children spell love T-I-M-E, so spending time with them is a great way to show your love and appreciation for them. You can get more ideas for one-on-one time at my post here, The Why and How of Parent/Child Dates. 

2- Verbal Affirmation

One of the best tricks I have observed that teachers use in the classroom is to point out a child's good behavior. "I really like the way Suzie is sitting quietly in her desk." This not only gets Suzie to sit even more quietly, but it gets the other children in the class to do the same. This can be used at home, also. "I really like the way you helped clean up your toys so cheerfully! Thank you." Words of affirmation are powerful. One important thing to remember when offering verbal affirmation is to praise the effort, not the end result. 

3- Hugs

Giving a hug is a great way to show your child a big "thank you" for making the right choice. A tip I once read with hugs is to never be the first to let go. Since reading that, I have put it into practice. Sometimes my child hugs me for several minutes without letting go. Show that physical love to your child. 

4- Do Something Nice Back

If your child goes out of her way to do something nice for you, she will love it if you return the favor. You might do a chore for her, write her a note, make her a special treat, or draw her a picture. Think of some act of service your child would appreciate and do it. This can be a tricky one because a parent is pretty much always serving her children, but with a little thought, you can come up with something that will show your child a big thank you for her good behavior.  

5- Presents

Sometimes you might do a plain old gift for being good. This is one I use sparingly. I don't want my child thinking that any time he is good at the store, he gets some candy at the end. I also don't want her motivation for being good to be a gift. A gift can be a fun surprise, but do not be surprised if your child starts telling you of the latest good thing he did and wondering when he will get a present for doing so. For more guidance on showing love through gifts, see my post here. 

6-Ask How Your Child Feels

When my children make a right choice, I always like to ask them how it made them feel to do the right thing. They always smile and describe a happy feeling. I point out that is Heavenly Father telling them He is proud of them for making the right choice. You can point out the good feeling even if you are not religious. "Notice how happy your heart feels? That is how you know when you have made a right choice!" I love this method because it helps the child start to recognize how to tell the difference between right and wrong even when there isn't an adult right there to lead. It is also a great source of reward and helps lead the child toward intrinsic motivation. 

7- Set Goals 

If your child is consistently having trouble with a certain behavior, you might find it helpful to set a goal and find a way to work toward it. You might make a goal to stay in bed until you come get her after a nap. You could make a sticker chart to fill up. You could create a paper chain (or pre-make one and take one off for each day). You could build a Lego tower, with one piece each day she stays in bed. Have a reward for when the goal is reached and work toward it. 

8- Privileges

Sometimes you can offer an extra privilege for correct behavior. Maybe a little extra television time one day. Maybe an extra story at bedtime tonight. Perhaps you will go for a walk together. Think of something your child will find meaningful to get a bit extra of. Think of things as a positive consequence for doing the right thing. 

Conclusion

Rewarding positive behavior is a very fast and effective way to encourage your child to continue to choose good behavior in the future. It doesn't have to be big or elaborate. Experiment to see what is most meaningful for your child, and mix things up every so often so the reward isn't always the same thing. Happy training!

Valerie is a mother of four, ages 4-11, and blogs at www.babywisemom.com. 

BFBN: Dads: Doing things their awesome way- Guest Post

Today is a BFBN blog trade day!  I have Katrina from Mama's Organized Chaos blogging here today about letting Dads do their thing.  This is something I have to remember to be working on.  I spend the most time with the kids, so I tend to be the 'primary' parent.  Moms often are, especially when kids are less than a year old.  I am the one with the food, so the girls really need me right now.  Add to that a type A personality and I can often forget that different doesn't mean bad.  I wrote  how to go about backing off and giving dad a chance to take the lead a bit here.  Today Katrina does a great job of explaining why it is so important to let dads do their things.
-Kim

Here's the thing about dads. There are those that stand mostly on the sidelines, and there are those that jump in and parent wholeheartedly. Often, they end up getting criticized no matter which path they choose. Either they don't do enough, or the things they do aren't done "correctly". When this happens, a lot of dads end up backing off and defaulting to mama as the go to parent (and not doing enough). It is a viscous cycle! The thing is, though... dads don't do things incorrectly. They just do them differently than mama. And that's ok.

My husband is pretty hands on. Our daughter is almost 1.5 years old now. He often tells me that things came more natural for me with regards to parenting. Maybe, maybe not. The real reason that I seem to "know what I am doing", however, is that I do it 24-7. It is my job and my entire life! He goes to work and catches up on the whole parenting thing in the evenings.

As moms, we all know that things change on a daily basis (what works and what doesn't), and that we've had all day and all week to figure out the best way to do things. So, it is with good intentions that, when our husbands come home from work, we mention to them what "works". They are often glad to get the headlines so they can feel like they know what they are doing. The reality, however, is that they do know what they are doing. Sometimes we just need to let them parent and figure it out. 

Some things need to be consistent- the rules and boundaries. These things should be discussed as a couple so that both parents agree and are on the same page.

Other things can be done differently at different times. They way in which we bathe our children, get them dressed, what we do before nap time, how we play with a certain toy, the feeding process, the outfit selection, etc. All of these things and many, many others are what I'd refer to as the fluid parts of the day. If dad does them one way, and mama does them another- all will be ok in the world!

Dads need to feel a sense of ownership in order to feel that they also "know what they are doing". Things come natural to them as well, but often times they don't have as much time to figure things out before mama steps in. And, if you have an "expert" in the room...why not default to them? It's easy for dads to default to us and trust us. We married these men, however, because we know they are smart an capable. So, we need to let them problem solve and do things differently. Men are usually pretty good problem solvers!

My husband brought this up to me one evening as we were discussing this whole parenting thing. I was upset because, in the moment, I felt like he wasn't stepping up enough. Here's what happened: 

He was going to give our daughter a bath. He asked her to come several times, and she wasn't listening. I was staying in the other room letting him deal with the situation. I waited. Nothing new happened. Then she came over to mama, so I got involved. I told her to go to daddy to take her bath. Since she'd already been asked several times, when she didn't listen I simply picked her up, brought her in the bathroom, got her undressed and put her in the bath. I was upset, because now I was doing the bath and I felt like my husband hadn't stepped up.

He later explained to me that he really was going to come get her. He was giving her a chance to come back. That chance was just longer than what I would have allowed. It was the same tactic that I would have used. I just wouldn't have (and didn't) let it go on as long. The reality is that we use the same parenting styles (which is an important part of being consistent). It would have been alright, in that situation, for my husband to wait a little bit longer before coming to get her. I didn't recognize this in the moment, however.

He later read an article about how dads to things differently, but not incorrectly. He sent me the article to read. Here is the link in case you are also interested to read it! All I could think of was that he is an amazing dad. He is hands on. He does step up. He tries and he does SO well! I feel like I am pretty hands off when he's dealing with things. I don't feel like I am the mom that tells dad how to do things. Unfortunately, I do it enough that he notices it and it bothers him at times. I was so glad that he told me, because I never want to make him feel like he is doing things wrong. 

So, it is with a conscious effort that I now take a backseat on purpose at times. I want him to see that I trust him. I want him to see how amazing he is with our daughter. I want him to feel like he knows what he is doing- because he does. He just doesn't know the exact way I would do it! No one would (but me)! It's a pretty tall order to expect someone to do things just like you do them. So, even though I thought I was good at this, I was told (and also realized) that I am not as good as I thought or want to be! Most of us mamas can probably improve in this area and let the reigns go a bit. Not to mention we could probably learn a thing or two from our amazing husbands as well!

BFBN: Tips for managing different personalities in your home- Guest Post

It's a Babywise Friendly Blog Network trade day!  I am over at Mama's Organized Chaos discussing the schedule we have for Ben and the girls at two months.  I hope it helps people see that schedules are possible, even with a 2.5  year old and twins!

Today I am lucky to have Carrie from Wiley Adventures posting.  She is talking about managing different personalities in your home.  As we all know we have recently gone from one to three kids, so working around different personalities with kids is new to us.  We are still getting to know the girls.  But we know that despite the fact that they are twins, they are two unique people with their own little personalities.  As they grow I want to work with their unique selves and not try to lump them together just because they were born at the same time.  Carrie has some great insight on how to do this!

-Kim

 Tips For Managing Different Personalities in Your Home

t would be so EASY and so CONVENIENT if all of our kids fit a mold wouldn’t it? Even more convenient would be if our kids fit our own mold, or had the same personality as we do. As a parent one of the most baffling things can be when your child’s personality is different from your own. Because this is so often not the case, it is important to parent towards DEVELOPMENT not towards CONVENIENCE.

A simple way to do that is to ask two questions when thinking about your kids personalities (or even when thinking about your own or your spouse’s personalities):

1. Is your child task oriented or relationship oriented?

Does your child push against bedtime because they cannot stand to see that project go unfinished or finish that book to see what happens? They are probably task oriented.

Does your child want to make every day a social gathering or event? They are probably relationship oriented.

Knowing what is behind their MOTIVATION can really help when you are interacting with them throughout the day. This can help you frame your expectations and even your language when you approach them in different circumstances.

For example, task oriented people tend to love charts and lists to check off. Make a bedtime chart and for every night they go to bed on time, give them a sticker or a check mark for a job completed. For the relationship oriented child, pair them with another sibling to help with chores or other tasks. Give them someone to talk to.

2. Is your child an introvert or an extrovert?

Do people energize or drain your child?

Recognizing what FUELS your child is vital to how you interact with them. If your child is an introvert and has been around people all day long, they are likely to be fussy and exhausted whereas a more extroverted child might be more energized and happy. And visa versa is true as well. If you have an extroverted child who hasn’t really been around people in a couple days, they might be more drained and might need some people time.

Thinking through these things are not so you can cater to your child necessarily, but being aware of how your kids function and work can really help you work WITH your child’s personality instead of AGAINST it.

Related Post:

Loving your Kids Different Personalities

Carrie blogs at www.wileyadventures.com. She is married to Kyle and has four kids: Laura Kate (7 years), Shepherd (5 years), Fischer (3 years), and Archer (15 months). 

Be sure to check out all the other ladies of the BFBN to see what they have to say today!