The story of the move: How it came about and packing

As I mentioned earlier, we have packed up and moved across the country!  I know this has come as a surprise to some people.  Honestly it was a bit of a surprise to us!  We had tossed the idea around a little, but I wasn't entirely expecting it to actually happen.  The reasoning is pretty standard.  Pat had been looking around for a new job.  We had toyed with the idea of moving somewhere else.  I loved where we used to live, and really I didn't want to leave it.  But what I just wanted isn't what is most important.  What is most important is giving our family the best opportunities Pat and I can.  My only stipulation for moving was that I wanted to go somewhere we already had family.  It can be hard to move to a new city, especially with three small children.  I like to know I have people I can call on in an emergency who are required to help out. ;)

Towards the end of May Pat decided to take a look around at different options.  In June he applied to the new school he is now at.  We were excited when he got an interview, but we didn't make any decisions or think too hard about it then.  I mean, who knew what would happen, why over think it?  The interview went well, so I admit I started to over think a bit.  It was a big move if we decided to go it.  Honestly I wavered a bit on whether or not I wanted Pat to get the job.  Getting it would be a great opportunity.  He would make a good career move.  We would have a good excuse to get a new place.  (I loved our home but our family was getting too big for it!) We could move to a new area and explore a great place we had heard good things about.  But it would mean leaving home.  I liked our life in our old place.  I felt like the kids and I were really hitting a good stride with friends, activities, and had a good routine in place.  Plus Ben was enrolled in preschool.  But those are things we could rebuild in our new place.  I decided to pray about it and see where God led us.

We found out at the end of June that Pat got the job!  I was so excited for him.  But then we had a tough decision to make- do we take a chance and go for it?  Or do we stay with where we were.  There were endless discussions about this.  I went back and forth a lot.  Pat was great and let me think on it.  He really took my input on how a big move like this would impact our family to heart.  Fourth of July weekend we made the big decision- Pat would take the job and we would move!  (Fourth of July is turning into a big time of announcements for us!)

Once the decision was made things moved quickly.  Pat had to be available for work starting July 26.  That did not leave us a lot of time to get things done!  First we threw together our garage sale to get rid of as much as possible.   I had hoarded all our baby stuff after Ben was born, knowing we were going to have more kids.  As the girls were done with things I was just saving them until I could sell them in my moms group resale.  So we had a lot of things to go.  Then Pat had to make sure he had all his ducks in a row to head out.  As I mentioned earlier, I only wanted to move to places we had family.  Fortunately for us my aunt and uncle live in the area we moved to, so we were able to stay with them while we transitioned.  Pat left on his cross country drive on June 20.  After two weeks of sorting, cleaning, organizing, and selling, we still had a lot to do.

Once Pat was on his way it was up to me to, well, pretty much finish everything else up.  I had pack up our house and find a way to get all of us to the southwest.  I am so grateful that Meo and Omi were able to help out.  It is hard to pack with three little ones around!  Ben still needed attention, the girls needed attention.  Plus I had to pack the bedrooms.  This was hard because the only time I had was during nap time, which means someone was sleeping in the rooms!  Meo and Omi also had to come to Ben's last swim lessons.  (They were parent and child lessons, so someone needed to be with the girls while I was in the pool with Ben.)  And in general they just gave the kids the extra attention they needed during a stressful time.  (And me too!)

The kids were really champs during all this.  Ben missed Pat a lot.  We had a lot of talks about how it was okay to feel sad.  It was hard to have him so far away.  And moving would be very different.  I didn't think he would fully understand that we were going away and not coming back basically, but I worked with him to help with this transition.

After three weeks of busily packing up our lives, we headed out!  I really appreciate all the help I got from family and friends during those busy three weeks.  Being the only parent present can be tough, even though I am used to staying home with the kids all day.  We managed to have some fun though.  Ben got really into his imaginative play.  He gave me some challenges with that- a lot of things I thought of to use in our costumes was already packed!  I think we did pretty well with limited resources though.  The girls did very well with all the changes too.  They were pretty happy to play on their play mat.  Poor things kept getting a smaller and smaller play area as the piles of boxes grew!  Overall it was a busy, kind of stressful time of packing and prepping.  But we got through it well and were ready to find our new home.

Coming up next: Road Trip and settling in!

-Kim

August 2016 Book List

A cross country move can't keep me from reading!  I did have to pull out an old favorite to reread, but that is like hanging out with an old friend.  Here is one all time fave and three new books I read this month. (This post contains affiliate links.  All opinions are my own.)


Ready Player One by Ernest Cline


This was a reread this month.  I adore this book.  I would put it up there with one of my all time favorites.  I randomly checked it out of the library and could not put it down.  Then I made Pat read it.  Both of us loved it, which shows how good it is because we can have really different taste in books!  It is set in the future, where a virtual reality world called OASIS is basically everything for most people.  Oh, the real world is still there, but you can go about your life almost entirely in this virtual reality.  The creator of the world of course became the richest person in the world.  When he died he left a quest of sorts to find the heir to his fortune and company.  No one was able to find even the first clue, until a kid manages to figure it out.  Then the chase is on!  This book is action packed with 80s trivia and fun facts.  (The OASIS creator was really into the 80s)  Even if you don't remember all of the 80s, it is still so fun to read.  Cline really has a way of weaving arcane trivia into the story that make you feel like you are a part of the club.  On the main level this is kind of a good guys versus bad guys story.  There is a corporation who has professional people hunting for the clues.  They want to take OASIS and make it more of a money maker.  This would of course make life really hard for those who basically need the system to do everything.  The book also makes you think about how we portray ourselves online compared to real life, and what biases we have that we don't realize.  I have read this book several times already and plan to keep it as an all time fave and reread.

Armada by Ernest Cline


Ernest Cline did not disappoint with this one.  I have to admit, I was not quite as taken with it as I was Ready Player One.  I think that is because this one was very heavy on alien/sci fi type video games and movies, which aren't really something I'm super into.  But even with my bias, the book was really good.  The plot is basically a teen is super good at one of those multi player video games that people can log in and play all over the world.  (Yeah, can you tell I'm not into video games like this?  I don't know that much about them.) He is so good he is one of the top ten players in the world.  In the game you control drones to fight off aliens that are invading the planet.  Well it turns out conspiracy theorists are right- this type of game exists to train civilians in the event of an actual alien invasion.  You guessed it, an alien invasion is imminent.  Ernest Cline's commitment to specific details about video games, aliens, and sci fi in popular culture really make it a great read.  His books make you feel like you are a part of collective history, which I enjoy.

Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher


This was a YA for the month.  In it the main character receives a set of tapes in the mail.  On them a girl named Hannah tells the reasons why she killed herself.  There are thirteen people that contributed to her decision, and she addresses them on these tapes.  After listening to the tapes they are to be passed on the the next person.  It is an interesting book on how a single incident might not be a big deal, but when they snowball a whole new picture is created.  It is a little sad, but it made me think beyond myself.  I might not think anything of my interaction with a person, but a negative word from me could be the breaking point for them.  I think it could be a good book for teens to read to remember that their words and actions have power.  We can't control what other people do of course, but I didn't like how the book seemed to imply guilt where I don't think it belonged.  But it never hurts to remember a kind word can go a long way.  And just being aware of others is a good thing.

 Kitchens of the Great Midwest by J. Ryan Stradal


This was an interesting one.  The story follows along the life of one main character, Eva.  However we really only get her first person narrative in one early section.  Besides that it is more about the side stories of various people she encounters in her life than Eva's actual life.  In that respect the book almost reads like a series of short stories.  But they all tie together in that Eva touches their lives.  Eva's big thing is that she is a cook.  A truly brilliant cook in fact.  She has an innate talent and manages to create a really different dining experience.  I love cooking and reading about it, so that part of the book was fun for me.  But even if you aren't into food the story is still enjoyable.  It is interesting to look at some one's life from the outside, the way we do most people in real life.



There you go, four of the books I read this month.  As we settle in to our new town I am eager to get to the library and find more new ones.  Let me know any suggestions!

-Kim

Happy Birthday Ben!

Three years ago today was one of the greatest days of my life.  I was blessed to give birth to the sweetest little boy in the world.  Ben has been a light and a gift in our lives from the start.  I had no idea I could love so much until I met him.  I can't believe three years have already gone by.  It feels like yesterday we were finding out we were expecting for the first time.  Now my first born little baby isn't a baby anymore.  He is three!!

Brand new!  My sweet little baby boy.

One year old!  Always such a happy kid.

Two years old!  Loving cake and loving life.

Three years old!  

These three years have been amazing and I couldn't ask for anything better.  We love you so much, Ben.  Thank you for being the wonderful person you are.

-Kim

Transitions: Helping my child move across the country

Moving is a big deal, regardless of how old you are.  But when are two (almost three) and moving not only out of the only home you've ever known, but to an entirely different part of the country it is an even bigger deal.  While I know we are making a great decision for our family in this major move, I was worried about how it would effect the kids.  Now I am for sure no expert on this.  But we did just go through it and so far the kids are doing well!  Okay, the girls don't really care, seeing as they are only seven months old.  We did completely change Ben's work though, so here is how I tried to help him through the transition.

1) Really talk up the new place.  I found any reason I could to explain why our new town was going to be amazing.  I told Ben all about how it would be warmer.  We would be closer to two of his cousins.  I told him our new town would have parks.  He would get to have his own room.  We would have a new house with a little more room for his toys.  And the best thing of all- Daddy was already there!  That made everything about our new place exciting.  I watched my tone when I talked about the move.  Moving is a big old pain a lot of the time, but I tried to use happy and excited tones whenever we talked about it.  I didn't want Ben to catch on to my frustrated moments and equate them with where we were going.  This was a great adventure!

2) Show real images of the new location.  We made sure to Skype with Pat every night so Ben could see where we would be going.  I think this helped make it a more concrete location in Ben's mind, and not just some unknown we were heading toward.  Of course it isn't always possible to have someone else go ahead and be waiting at the new destination.  But I think showing pictures of real places where you will be going would work as well.  We also pulled out pictures of the family he would be seeing more often and talked about them frequently.  My goal with this was to have Ben feel like he knew this family, even though in the past we would only see them every couple of years.

3) Make a plan for a fun event in the new place as soon as possible.  For us we were pretty lucky- Ben's birthday was two weeks after we moved.  We talked about how his birthday party would be in our new home.  We planned his birthday party there.  (Again we are lucky.  Since he is turning just three years old he was pretty happy with swimming, cake, and presents for his party)  I don't think it has to be as big as a birthday party.  Plan a trip to a favorite restaurant, or maybe another fun activity like mini golf.  Maybe a big family movie night once everything is unpacked.  Anything that your child can look forward to.  This also gives you something fun to think about in the middle of all the planning.

4) Involve the child in the packing process.  This can be hard if the kid is young, like Ben.  But I had him help me put his toys in boxes.  Yes, I sometimes had to go back during naps and repack a little more efficiently.  But he knew his items were being packed up because he did it.  I also let him play in the boxes.  What kid doesn't love a box?  We made tunnels and forts, and tried to make the whole thing as fun as possible.  I also talked ad nauseum about what I was doing as I packed.  What I was packing, why I was packing it, and when we would open it again.

5) Maintain what consistency you can.  All through the packing process we still kept naps and independent play time going.  We still went to playgroup.  We finished Ben's swim lessons.  Yes, it meant packing took a little longer.  But Ben got to keep his structure, which little ones really need.  I also made sure to pack his sleep friends with us in the car to have on the road.  Yes, it meant bringing a few extra things in the car.  I think it was worth it for Ben to feel comforted and sleep well on the road and when we got to our new place.  I tried to pack his favorite shirts and socks in his suitcase to have right away.  I brought some favorite dvds to watch in the car.  I feel better when I have my favorite things with me, so I assume he does too.

6) Talk about how it is okay to be sad.  I encouraged Ben to tell me when he was feeling sad about the move.  He would often tell me he was sad because he missed Daddy.  Whenever he did this I would stop what I was doing and sit down to talk with him.  I told him it was okay to feel sad, but explained why we were going through the changes we were.  I think allowing Ben to express his feelings and reaffirming that it is okay to feel sad and less than happy about the changes helped him out.

7) Show examples of changes that the child can relate to.  We got lucky here.  Ben adores Toy Story, and in the first movie Andy moves!  Ben really related to this, and his Buzz and Woody were car friends on his move just like with Andy.  We also watched Inside Out a lot during the packing process.  I'm not sure how much Ben related to Riley's move, as she is older than he is.  But he recognizes the feelings characters, and it helped him put words and understanding to what he was going through emotionally. I know not everyone is in to screen time, but it worked for Ben.  The library has a ton of books on moving and making these kinds of changes.

8)  Make a point of saying goodbye.  On our last day and night at our old house Ben and I talked about how we were leaving soon.  We took the time to say thank you to our old house for letting us live in it.  We said we had enjoyed living there, but it was time to move on.  When Ben asks about the old house now, I remind him that we thanked the old home and said goodbye.  He still misses it, but I do think it helped give a sense of closure.

These are the eight big ways I tried to help Ben adjust to moving across the country.  Of course these aren't the only ways.  And we haven't been here very long, so I know we are still in the process of transitioning.  Ben will miss our old home, that is only normal.  I think talking about it is the best thing I can do to help him out.  I want him to know it is okay to feel sad.  I also like to remind him of all the good that is coming from our big change.  Most important, I remind him of how loved he is.  I remind him that he is safe with his family.  Kids are resiliant and able to handle a lot!

-Kim

It's a Babywise Friendly Blog Network pinterest day!  Everyone is talking about transitions.  Be sure to check them all out!

Valerie- Chronicles of a Babywise Mom
Natasha- let's be brave
Katrina- Mama's Organized Chaos
Carrie- Wiley Adventures
Emily- The Journey of Parenthood

Seven month update and schedule

I am not kidding that this month flew by.  Of course packing up your whole life and moving across the country kind of keeps you busy.  The girls did really well with all the changes. I am so proud of them.  They weren't overly thrilled with all of it.  They are very social little girls and love to have someone talking to them.  The thing is, it is hard to pack while two little babies want you staring only at them!  Fortunately Meo was able to come over and give them the attention they needed.  I am happy to report that despite a chaotic home with packing going on, then sleeping in new places on a three day road trip, the girls have stuck to their schedule and done so well!  They sleep and eat without any real issues.  Go girls!

The girls got into the Olympic spirit!  (Ali left, Sammy right)

The big thing the girls are into this month is rolling.  They are all about rolling from their backs to their fronts.  They love playing on their bellies!  This is a little new to me as Ben was never really into hanging out on his stomach.  I don't really remember him just hanging out and playing that way much at all.  Ali especially loves it.  She was the first to consistently roll from back to front.  Sammy was big on laying on her back with her feet in the air for a long time.  (That was Ben's favorite thing to do.)  Now they are both all about being on their tummies.  Both girls have learned to lay their heads down comfortably.  That seems like a silly thing to have to learn how to do, but it is important!  They can roll both ways, front to back and back to front.  Sometimes they just cry out until I flip them back on their backs though.  I remember Ben going through a stage where he 'forgot' how to roll that way, so I'm not worried about it.  In fact I think it is kind of good.  I don't want them figuring out how to get mobile yet!

The jumper got packed up, so we haven't had much time in that.  They still love their bouncers.  They did get tired of them in the final days before the move.  But there was just too much going on that they couldn't be on the floor as much.  They are bearing some weight on their legs.  They love bouncing on laps.  And they are starting to sit up a bit!  They still need someone right there with them, they tend to tip easily.  But they are on their way!  We did start solids this month.  We haven't gotten too far into it though.  They didn't show a ton of interest.  And honestly I didn't think they fully showed all the signs of being ready.  And that was just fine with me.  Really it was good that they weren't ready yet.  We were so busy packing it was a break for me that I didn't have to worry about feeding them solids.  As we get more settled and they are showing more signs of readiness we will dive back in!

They are just the sweetest little girls.  They are looking more and more alike, but they are so not the same person!  Ali is currently our little outgoing baby.  She loves to smile and gives her smiles away with real joy.  She laughs deeply from her belly and loves looking at people.  She can be quick to get angry, but she is very quick to get over it too.  She tends to be our louder girl.  She has a voice and likes to use it!  She is often the first of the two to try new things.  She loves grabbing toys and works to get them!  Sammy is still a little more reserved.  She has a great smile, but you have to earn it a bit more.  I can tell from the look in  her eyes when she thinks something is funny, but she takes a little longer to give the big belly laugh.  She is slow to get angry, but she can hold a grudge!  Neither girl was thrilled with the road trip, but I swear Sammy took almost a week to really forgive us.  I know it sounds crazy to think a six month old can hold a grudge, but while she would smile at us her eyes still told us she remembered that drive.  She is determined.  She is usually the second sister to try something, but I think she likes to wait to make sure she can do it.  She will work to get her toys too, she is just a little more strategic about it.  The girls complement each other well.  They seem to enjoy being near one another and interacting.  I love watching them play.

No schedule changes this month.  We kept everything as consistent as we could to counteract the major location change.

7:30am: Wake and nurse
9-11am: Nap
11am: Nurse
1:45pm: Nurse
2-4:30pm:Nap
4:30pm: Nurse
6:45pm: Nurse
7pm: Bed

They are doing really well with the schedule!  They stay awake most of the midday period now.  If they are tired they need a little extra attention.  They occassionally catch a nap in the car, but not as often!  We are able to get out some mornings and have them nap on the go, which is a wonderful thing.  We can get Ben to activities and just get things done that can't always wait for the midday awake period.  They don't have a formal independent playtime, but they do spend time with their toys on their own on the floor.  They go to naps and bed readily and wake up happy.  They still nurse well, which is a huge blessing.  This next month we are going to work on building up our new routine in our new town!  I'm going to add in solids more consistently, and hopefully get them into the jumper once it is unpacked.  Ben adored that and I think the girls will too!

Alison!!

Samantha!!

I am so lucky!  (Sammy left, Ali right)

The girls really are a joy in our lives.  While I wouldn't necessarily recommend packing up and moving with an almost three year old and six month old twins, the kids really made it relatively easy.  The girls adjusted well to a changing environment, slept well, and kept up their good spirits.  I just love being with them.  They are so fun, each in her own way.  They are both little loves that just make everyone smile.  I am so so beyond blessed to be their mother.  I don't know how I got so lucky, but I am thrilled I did!

-Kim

Seven months!

Sammy and Ali are seven months old!!

Samantha!

Alison!

My sweeties!

The girls are so smiley and fun.  Their little personalities are really shining through now.  We are so lucky to have them in our lives!

-Kim

Babywise Favorites: The Dream Feed

I love my sleep.  I knew when I had babies that my precious sleep would be interrupted.  I was fine with that, and was willing to make that adjustment for my sweet little ones.  But the thing is, I really do love my sleep, so I wanted to maximize the sleep I could get.  Like lots of new moms I researched a ton on newborns.  I learned that most newborns have one long chunk of sleep in their twenty four hour period.  I knew what I needed to do was try to line that long chunk up with when I would be able to sleep too.

Starting out this was reasonably easy to do.  Newborns tend to have later bedtimes, in that they nap so much during the day their big stretch of sleep starts later at night.  I would put my baby to bed at the same time I went to bed.  They usually napped off and on in the evening, then we would all go to bed together after their final feeding.  That worked really well for the first several weeks.  Eventually it wasn't working as well.  My children were too alert and distracted to sleep in the living room with us until late bedtime.  It was time to get them to bed at an earlier hour, but I still wanted that long period of sleep to line up with my own sleep.  Enter the dream feed.

The dream feed is pretty simple.  After your baby goes to bed at an earlier time, around 7 or so, you go back and feed them again around 10.  They pretty much sleep through this feeding.  (Oh to be able to eat and sleep at the same time like a baby.  They are really doing things right. ;) )This disrupts the sleep cycle just enough to restart it, and allows you to make sure the baby has a full belly.  What hopefully happens at this point is that you get to go to bed and enjoy a longer time period of uniterrupted sleep that coincides with your baby's long time period.  Everyone gets good sleep!

I loved the dream feed with Ben.  It just made sense to 'top off the tank' before I went to bed.  I kept the lights low in his room, let him eat, and put him back to bed without him waking up most nights.  With the girls it was a little harder.  It's a lot harder to do the gentle up and down when you have to pick up one girl, bring her to the nursing spot, go get the other and bring her to the nursing spot.  Then get the nursing pillow on and the girls on the pillow, and finally feed them.  They would wake up during this process sometimes.  They usually fell back to sleep while eating, so I didn't worry too much about that initial wake up.  In order to help them stay asleep after nursing Pat would come up and gently move each girl to the bed.  It was a process of sorts, but it worked for us.  They would have a full belly, and we could all go to sleep!

I have found figuring out when to drop the dream feed to be a bit of a trial and error process.  With Ben I thought he could go without it a few times and he disagreed.  It took a few attempts to drop it.  When I would skip the dream feed, he would wake up between 3 and 4 looking to eat.  I didn't want to go back to middle of the night feedings, so I kept the dream feed.  I would try skipping it, it wouldn't work, and we would wait another week or so.  Finally at 19 weeks I skipped the feed one night and he still slept all night long!  We never looked back and he did really well.  With the girls I wasn't looking to end the dream feed.  Honestly with the busy-ness of three little ones I enjoyed the quiet time to snuggle with my girls.  But they had a problem with early waking.  After trying some other ways to get past the early waking, it was suggested to me that they were ready to drop the dream feed.  I tried it one night, and it totally helped!  The girls slept through their early wakings and we never did the dream feed again.  Interestingly, they were also 19 weeks old when that took place.

The dream feed helps when babies are only sleeping 4-5 hour stretches for their long sleep.  It allows you to line your sleep up with theirs better, without having to go to bed too early.  This is so vital when you are in the newborn days.  Any stretch of sleep is a good thing!  When the long stretch of sleep lengthens you get to sleep longer.  As your baby gets older ending to dream feed can actually help the sleep cycle so your baby can get past the early wake ups that can be so frustruating.  Who knew one little feeding could do so much for the sleep of an entire family?

-Kim

Check out my other Babywise Favorites!
Daily Wake Time
Independent Playtime
The Pause

Rocketship park!

At the beginning of the summer Ben and I set the goal to go to every park district playground in our town.  Sadly this goal got set aside in order to prepare and carry out our big move.  We did hit up one last good one before we headed out of town though- the Rocket ship Park!

I have to say I am a little bummed to be leaving all the great playgrounds in the area.  That park district really themed some of them out!  You can see the awesome rocket ship.  That thing is 30 feet tall!  We went out early one morning before the girls' first nap, so we had the whole rocket to ourselves.  It was pretty great.

Rocket ship!

Ben was so excited when we pulled up!  After our pirate play he had been asking to go on a ship.  I couldn't find any parks close enough with boats to play on.  A rocket ship isn't the same thing as a boat, but Ben found it to be pretty amazing.  He raced right off as soon as I had our crew out of the car!

Part of the rocket can be reached by stairs, and Ben had no problem climbing up those.  The upper level had more of a ladder to get up.  I was happy the girls were pretty content in their stroller and that no one else was at the park, as I was able to help Ben up the ladder to reach the very top!  He really enjoyed running around up there and looking out the window.  He ran around giggling for quite some time!

I admit when I helped Ben up the ladder I didn't really think about how I would then get him down.  There was a big slide to get to the bottom, but sometimes Ben isn't that into that sort of thing.  He was very good when it was time to go home.  He took the slide down, and I was so proud of him.  I could tell he was proud of himself too.  When he got to the bottom he looked at me with a big grin and said, "All by myself."  I love the sense of accomplishment in his eyes!  He faced the challenge of the big slide and totally nailed it.  Go Ben!

I am going to miss the fun parks we found around our old place, but I am excited to explore our new home.  I know we'll find more great places to play!

-Kim

We are on the move!

We're hitting the road!

Big news!  Team Cartwright is trading in the midwest for the southwest!

Pat got a new job so we have been packing up and are now in the process of moving.  You may have noticed I haven't had as many posts about our fun activities. That's because there haven't been as many with the packing going on.  Ben, Ali, and Sammy have been real troopers through this whole process.  It isn't easy packing up a house around an almost three year old and six month old twins, but they really didn't put up much of a fuss.  A big thank you to Meo and Omi for all the help too!

Helping out by finishing the popsicles in the freezer is the best way to help. :)

Yeah... these two didn't quite get the 'help' part.... :P

This big boy packed his toys!  

Good thing his toys are sturdy.  He took toss it in a box literally!

So happy to be a big helper!!

Blogging will be a bit slow as we make this transition and settle into our new place.  It is a big change for us, but one we are super excited to make.  I can't wait to share all our new adventures!!

-Kim

Babywise Favorites: Independent Playtime

I love independent playtime.  The first time I heard about it I thought it was genuis and knew it was something I wanted to do.  Heck, it was something I knew I wanted to do before I had even heard the term for it.  What is independent playtime?  Exactly what it sounds like.  It is a time where your kids play by themselves.  All by themselves, without you having to run interference.  I love it.

I do want to say that I love playing with my kids.  Don't get me wrong.  We had them because we want to be with them!  That being said there are times when practically I have to get things done without little helpers.  When I had Ben at the office it was very helpful to have blocks of time I could dedicate to getting work done.  Even now I do work at home and need time without being distracted.  There are also sometimes chores that need to get done without kids around, either for safety, for practicality, or just sanity.

There is more to independent play than just getting the kids out of your hair for a little bit.  I honestly do think it is good for kids to learn how to play by themselves!  Think about it.  What if for your whole life you had someone with you to play with, someone to tell you how to play, what to do next?  Then you were on your own and had to figure things out.  It would be hard!  We need practice at that kind of skill.  Pat and I are trying to raise future adults.  Adults need to be able to amuse themselves at times.  It goes beyond that too.  Adults need to be able to face problems on their own and work towards solutions.  Having time on their own gives kids a chance to grow and practice these skills.  I think it also teaches patience and natural consequences.  I am never far away while Ben is in playtime, so he can call out to me if he needs something.  If it doesn't seem like an emergency (and it never is), I try to wait a minute or two before I go in there.  I respond verbally to let him know I heard him, but I let him practice waiting for a moment.  It is so hard for a toddler to wait!  I like having this practice where he is safe in case he decides to have a tantrum.  Ben went through a period of throwing his toys out of the play zone.  Guess what?  That means you don't have toys!  This is a great lesson of cause and effect.  We had a series of weeks in which Ben only had soft toys in play time because he threw them so much.  But he learned from it.  

So how does it work?  It is really pretty easy.  When we started I plopped Ben down in the pack and play with some toys and left the room.  Basically that is all you need to do.  Okay, you need to make sure the toys are safe and appropriate to be played with alone.  And yes, I was always within at least ear shot.  (Part of the point is that the child can't see you.  I do peek in a lot though, it is so cute to see what Ben gets into!)  I also tend to put fun music on.  At the office and here at home Ben has independent play in the same place he naps.  Having the fun music helps differentiate between sleep time and play time.  It also helps muffle some of the sounds I am making.  

This playtime has kind of come and gone in Ben's schedule.  I started it when he was around 9 months old.  We built it up over time.  At first he only played alone for five minutes.  I would realy praise him for it and he quickly made it up to about 45 minutes.  Then we got busy with other things and it slipped away a bit.  We went through a period when I used it when I needed to, but I wasn't super consistent.  This worked for us because as I said, Ben was pretty good at playing on his own.  Where it became a great tool was when we were transitioning to one nap.  Ben has always been on the higher end of sleep needed, so he held on to that morning nap for a good period of time.  Well he started to not need a full nap every morning, but he really did need some down time.  So I started his independent play during the time slot he normally had morning nap.  The lights were bright, music was fun, and he had toys in his pack and play with him.  But if he was really tired he could lay down and take a power nap.  It totally worked!!  He took about a twenty minute nap for the first couple of weeks, and eventually moved to just playing.  

Currently Ben has his playtime every morning while the girls are napping.  This is doubly helpful for me because I have two time periods in my day that can be child free- morning nap for the girls while Ben plays and afternoon nap for all three.  Score!  I am a much better mom when I have moments like this to get done what I need to do.  We can skip playtime when needed.  On weekends Ben sometimes uses that time to get one on one time with Pat.  We also skip it for morning activities when they come around.  But if we miss it too many days in a row I know Ben needs to get back to it.  We all need time to recharge our batteries on our own, and this is what playtime give to Ben.  If he is stressed, tired, or overwhelmed he actually asks to go to playtime!

Ben is still taking his independent play in his crib.  Yes, I think he is getting a bit old for that.  I have asked him if he wanted to switch to room time as babywise suggests, but he has said no so far.  (The kid loves his bed.  I don't blame him, bed is one of my favorite places too.)  This has been a blessing as we go through some changes here at home.  I know his bed is completely safe for him to be in without direct supervision, and I don't have to worry about the rest of the room for the moment.  I do plan to switch him to room time very soon though.  In the meantime the kid is so busy I think having a limited space to be in is actually good for him.  He has to sit and play and think a bit, not just run run run like he does most of the time.  

The girls are also starting independent playtime a bit late.  Honestly with three kids our schedule feels busy enough. I haven't had a time to put in independent play.  I do try to set them up on there own with their mobiles and toys, they just aren't in a seperate room or play area.  They aren't mobile, so it works for us.  They are still together, and especially as twins I want them to have time on their own, not just as a unit.  They are second kids though, so some of the lessons of having to wait or entertain themselves come about naturally as I have more kids to take care of.  

I love independent playtime.  I love the skills it imparts and the freedom it gives me.  I love the flexibility it has.  It has been a great tool I can pull out as needed in the season of life we are in.  

-Kim


Check out my other Babywise Favorites!
Daily Wake Time
The Dream Feed
The Pause

Ali and Sammy do solids!

The girls have had their first solid food experience!!  As I wrote in my solids post, we use baby led weaning (BLW).  Solids is a somewhat controlable first, so I was excited to set up a time to give the girls their first bite!

We started the girls on carrots.  This is for two main reasons.  One, we started Ben on carrots first and I love keeping tradition.  Two, we had carrots in the house already.  I know, these are the important ways we make decisions.  All I did was boil up some carrot sticks so they would be soft should the girls actually get them in their mouths.  Then I cooled them off and popped them on the trays!  

We still have to work out the logistics of how everyone is going to fit around our table, so I wanted to use the little seats we had for the girls.  We had a little chair that Ben used at the office, and there is a tray side to the activity chair.  This was also a great set up for pictures.  You know, the important part.

We set the girls up and of course Ben wanted to get in on the fun.  He pulled his special chair over and sat down with the girls.

Ben is happy to be in on the fun!

Par for the course with our kids, all three would not smile in the same picture.  I might need to learn photoshop if I ever want a picture of all three of them looking at the camera and smiling!

Happy girls!

Ben was very interested in what we were doing.  I was thrilled that he said he wanted to eat with the girls!  Then he found out they were eating carrots.  He said, "Blech!"  Yeah, helpful big brother there.  Little does he know he eats veggies in many of his other foods.  (Insert evil laugh here :P ) The girls didn't seem to notice Ben's aversion to the food they were getting.  They were intrgued by what was on their trays,

First food!

They did a really good job!  They both were able to pick up the carrots and bring them to their mouths.  I think they each got a little taste, but I'm pretty certain neither actually ate much.  Even theough I like BLW and do it with my kids, I am not immune to the worry of my precious babies choking!  In fact I plucked a piece out of Sammy's mouth out of habit.  Oops.  

Toy over food

Giving it a go!

Pretty quickly Ali got distracted by the toys on her chair, and Sammy followed suit.  We decided to wrap things up and let the girls get back to playing.  I am pleased with the first attempt!  They got a chance to manipulate food and practice bringing it to their mouths.  Actually eating it will come in time.  We are going slow right now.  I think the girls need a little more practice sitting up.  They both also seem very happy with just nursing.  It is nice not to have to rush the solids.  We give them a chance to eat like this every other day or so .  Our grocery bill appreciates them taking their time getting into solid food.

My sweet girls are getting so big!  I can't believe I have two more solid eaters in my home!

Sammy!!

Ali!!

-Kim

Dress up!

The other night Ben and I were hanging out with Ali and Sammy, catching up on some Blaze and the Monster Machines, and it was some sort of medieval adventure.  I wasn't paying a ton of attention because, well, because kids tv.  Ben turned to me though and said "Ben knight."  I of course said yes, you're a knight.  I mean, normally he says things like this and I give a confirmation and we go about our day.  He kept saying it though.  Finally he looked at me and said, "Make me knight!"  Poor kid, it took me long enough to figure out he wanted to dress up as a knight.  Play dress up?  I am so on it!!

I asked Ben what he felt he needed to be a knight.  He said he needed a sword.  We had some blocks out so I was able to put one together for him.  Then he said he needed a shield.  Well, hello pot lid.  Perfect!  Then he needed a hat.  This one was a little harder.  Fortunately we have a great colander that hasn't actually been used for its intended purpose for over a year. ;)  It might not look like much, but to Ben it was perfect!!  He was so proud of his knight outfit.  He referred to himself as Sir Ben for the rest of the evening.  I was of course Sir Mommy.  I asked him if the girls were Lady Ali and Lady Sammy.  Well I think I have imparted some feminist wisdom on him because he said no, Sir Ali and Sir Sammy.  (Okay, he said Sir Girls.  They are kind of unit to him still.)  We had so much fun being knights!

Sir Ben!!

We did have to add a belt to hold his sword after a bit.

My little hero

 After playing for a bit I realized the block sword was not the best.  It kept falling apart.  After Ben went to bed I found some little pieces of wood and fashioned a better sword that wouldn't fall apart.  The next morning we went right back to being knights!

Is my kid the only one who insists on wearing winter jammies in summer?

The next evening Ben decided we needed to be pirates.  The kid is challenging my costume skills!  For this one we needed hats, vests, and swords.  Fortunately for me Ben went with his knight hat as a pirate hat.  I was able to get us vests and we already had our swords.   (Poor Sammy was completely freaked out by my hat.  I don't think she is made for the pirate life.)

Arrrrggghh!

It was getting on bed time, so I didn't have a chance to get us many accessories.  We were able to use our imaginations though.

Pretend eye patches!

Pretend hooks are way safer than the real thing

I am just adoring this new imaginative play phase!  Dress up is so much fun.  And at this young age Ben is very forgiving with what I am able to come up with.  I am going to have to step up my game a bit.  (Hello, pinterest.  Glad I can waste more time on you.:P ) I can't wait to see what he wants to be next!!

-Kim

Babywise Favorites: Daily Wake Time

I thought I would start a series on a few of my favorite aspects of babywise.  I'm not claiming to be a babywise expert or anything.  I am for sure not a parenting expert.  But these tools have really helped me out as a parent.

Baby Ben!  Happy in his bed. :)

One of the first things I used from babywise was the daily wake time.  Ben was a hungry baby.  He took a long time to consistently go three hours between nursing sessions.  As he was my only baby, it worked for us to  nurse on demand for a period.  However, it was frustrating to me to not know when he would want to eat.  Getting to work in the morning varied as sometimes Ben would want to eat at 8am, other times 7am, or 8:30am.  That would also change how quickly he wanted to eat once we got to the office.  I worked for Omi, so this wasn't a huge deal, but it bothered me.  I found that if I fed him at the same time every morning regardless of his nighttime wake ups the rest of the day fell into a more consistent pattern.  This was awesome, and is what babywise tells us will hopefully happen.

Daily wake time was one of the first things I started with Ali and Sammy.  We had a lot of visitors the first few weeks, so I didn't push for nap times too quickly.  It is important to feed on demand in the early weeks, and we did so, but I still needed some consistency to the day for Ben's sake.  The daily wake time helped give us that.  The girls fell into a good pattern very fast, and that was awesome for our family.  Once I wanted to work on naps and longer wake times it was much easier, because I already had a starting point for our days.

How do you start using a daily wake time?  Well, this is one of my favorite tools because it is kind of simple.  Pick a time you want to do the first day time feeding of the day.  Of course there are several factors that can come into play with that.  Is there a time you need to be at work?  What are the wake times of the other children in the house?  Are you a morning person?  I have found that with newborns I liked starting at 8am.  This way I could theoretically sleep until then as well.  In those early weeks it is all about getting the sleep you can.  Ben's current wake time is 7, but if everyone is quiet in the house it can go til 7:30.  This gave me a chance to still sleep in a bit, but get some one on one time with Ben before having to feed Ali and Sammy.  I really think having this morning time helped Ben transition to having siblings, and still helps him by making sure he gets his mommy time without his little sisters around.

I know that an 8am wake up time is kind of late for a lot of people, but that is part of why I choose it too.  I knew from Ben that wake times tend to inch earlier and earlier.  In time I want the girls up by about 7, 7:30am, but no earlier.  Starting with an 8am wake time gives us a cushion to move around.  The reason for this is morning naps and wake times.  I wanted to have a set morning nap time and as babies get older they can handle a longer wake time.  With a late daily wake time I can push the wake time earlier to increase wake time instead of just moving nap time later.  Again, this lets the pattern for the day stay a little more consistent as wake times get longer.

Maintaining the wake time isn't always easy in the early days.  The girls went through times of waking up early.  Anything before the wake time I treat as a middle of the night wake, meaning I fed them if needed, or I replace pacifiers or use other methods to soothe them back to sleep.  It also means that if the girls did happen to still be asleep at the wake time I had to wake them up.  Yes, this is hard sometimes!  I just wanted to sleep too!  But trust me it is one of those hards that is so worth it.  Ben sometimes wakes up before his wake time, but he hangs out happily in his bed until we come to get him.  If he does sleep in later at this point we let him, as he must need the sleep.  Once the morning nap is gone I have found that sleeping later doesn't really impact the rest of the day.  The girls are already in a good place with their wake time of 7:30am.  They still wake up early sometimes, but they usually coo happily to themselves until we get them up.  Oh sure, sometimes I am up too early with the kids, but honestly that is the exception.  The kids' wake times allow me to either sleep until they wake up, which is super nice to not have to get up until 7am, or I can get up and get ready for the day before they get up without having to be up with the sun.

Ali and Sammy, always happy when they wake up!

It might sound selfish, but I really value my sleep.  I am a better mother if I am rested, and the kids are happier if they are rested.  The daily wake time is a huge help in making sure we all get the sleep we need.

-Kim


Check out my other Babywise Favorites!
Independent Playtime
The Dream Feed
The Pause