BFBN: Manners Matter

It's a Babywise Friendly Blog Network pinterest day!  Check out our pinterest board for lots of great posts from all the ladies.  Today we are all writing about virtues.

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My title may seem confusing, because as I said we are talking virtues today.  Are manners really a virtue?  I know I often think of kindness, generosity, patience, etc when I hear the word virtue.  But really, I do think manners fit in to this.  Let's be real, it is hard to act with kindness and respect towards others or yourself if you are being rude.  Manners allow for civil discourse, which allows other virtues to shine through,  So yes, manners are a virtue and they matter.  I fully admit I am no Emily Post by any means.  I am not perfect at them, and I am for sure no expert.  I also know that different situations call for different types/levels of manners.  But at the end of the day using your manners and being polite show respect for those around you and respect for yourself.  They allow us all to function in society with a level of kindness and decency.  Because of this I really emphasize manners in Ben.  I plan to focus on it with him and the girls as they grow.  (I admit though, I give the three month olds a pass on manners, despite the large numbers of times they have burped at me.)

Ben is two and a half, so we are starting with the most basic of manners- the magic words.  For us this includes four main phrases- please, thank you, hello, and goodbye.  

Please and thank you.  Everyone knows these magic words.  They show general appreciation and respect for those who do something for us.  I think they are so important for kids to learn, as a lot of their interactions with adults involve asking for something.  Getting Ben to say please was pretty easy.  All we did was not give him what he wanted until he said please.  Kids are smart, they can figure out pretty quickly how to get what they want.  Of course we do have situations where he says please and we still have to say no.  In these cases we try to remember to thank him for saying please and acknowledge his manners, but the answer is still no.  So far it hasn't derailed him from using please.

Thank you is a little harder, which makes sense.  It comes after you have already gotten what you want.  The motivation to use that magic word isn't as great.  But Ben is getting better at it.  I try to remember to make Ben say thank you before he actually gets what he wants.  I know that technically isn't how the exchange is supposed to go, but it helps motivate him to use thank you more.  I know repetition with this will solidify the need to say thank you.  Thank you and please are and will be mainstays in our home at all times.  

Hello and goodbye.  These are not generally thought of as the magic words.  Back when Ben was born I read a book called Bringing Up Bebe.  It's one of those books about how the French do everything better than us. ;)  I enjoyed it and recommend it.  (Note: I have no affiliation with it, I just liked it.)  One thing it talked about was manners, and how please and thank you are command words.  They both involve situations where the child usually gets something.  Hello and goodbye are acknowledgement words.  They are simply used in interactions between people.  By using hello and goodbye Ben has to stop what he is doing and be aware of another person.  This helps children start to think outside of themselves a bit.  They don't get anything for it, they just interact with another person.  We really focus on him doing this with adults.  Now, Ben is two.  So we don't always actually get a hello or goodbye out of him every time.  I don't overly force this one, I try to keep in mind how young Ben is.  My hope is that in time we will build up to making eye contact and eventually feeling confident speaking with his peers and adults with respect.

This is just the start to our manners journey with the kids.  As I said I am big on being polite, so we will build off of these!  

Be sure to check out what all the other ladies have pinned on the Babywise Friendly Blog Network pinterest page!

-Kim

Scooter!

Guess who got a scooter this weekend?  An amazing neighbor has a four year old grandson and is eager to get rid of some things he has outgrown.  Um, yes please!  Pat and I were thrilled by the clothes she brought over.  Ben was most excited about his new scooter!  He doesn't quite have riding it down yet, but he is loving pushing it around.  I knew I would be chasing him around a lot this summer, but I think I'm going to have to pick up the pace with him on his scooter! 

He looks like such a big kid with it!!  This is going to be a wonderful summer.

-Kim

Three months old!

Ali and Sammy are 3 months old!!  Wow, another month went by fast.  They are growing so much!  They are just getting more and more fun too.  Both girls are smiling a ton, and they are starting to laugh too!  Sammy will just sit and giggle, which is hilarious to watch.  Ali adores when you talk to her and say her name.  They are both cooing, which is sweet to hear.  I think they 'talk' more than Ben did at this age.  A girl thing maybe? 

Both girls are eating and sleeping well, which is a blessing.  We have settled into a nice little routine.  You know I love my schedules, but my sweet girls are pretty flexible, which is awesome.  They are able to go out and about for Ben's activities and still keep smiles on their faces.  They bring to joy to everyone they meet!

I couldn't pick just one favorite photo from this morning's session.  It is still hard to get two babies to smile or look at the camera at the same time.  Oh, and not fall over in the process. ;)  Fortunately I got what I think are some good ones.

I know, Ali is bored here. :P

I got their attention!

Ali was over it, but Sammy was still watching me be silly!

Sammy!

Ali!

Sweet smiles

Happy baby!

I am so blessed to have such sweet, happy babies.  They remind me so much of Ben in that way!  I love you girls so much.  We are so lucky to have you in our lives!!

-Kim

River picnic

I have a new favorite activity to add to our repertoire.  Pack a picnic dinner, and head to the river!  Yes, this is basically like when we go to the state parks.  But this one we do on a week night.  We enjoyed it so much it might become a habit.  I love that I don't have to worry about dinner.  I love to cook, but even I enjoy a no-brainer, easy to do, fun dinner on a regular basis.  Ben always loves getting out, and I enjoy that we are not messing up the house!  

Ben wasn't super in to the eating part of the activity, but I'm not surprised.  I mean, he's two.  What is better, sitting with your parents and eating, or playing?  Playing!  We ate pretty quickly and then Pat and Ben headed to the water.  They did their boy thing of throwing rocks and sticks.  I know we are a broken record on this type of outing.  Every time we are by water the boys throw rocks and sticks into it.  It never seems to get old to them though.  I guess it is just a boy thing.  We'll see what the girls think of it, but right now I am enjoying walking around with them in the stroller.  I love girl time!

We are so lucky to have this great area literally 3 minutes from our house.  It makes for a perfect week night outing.  We can enjoy some fun for an hour or two, and still get home in time to feed the girls and get everyone in to bed on time.  Wins all around.

Father and son.  I love that they share such a great bond!

I get in there and throw a few rocks too.  It is pretty fun. :)

Ali blowing some bubbles.

Sammy found it all to be quite funny.

We decided to really live it up this particular day, and we actually said yes when Ben asked for an ice cream cone!  We just got one, because in the past Ben hasn't really liked ice cream.  This time he enjoyed it!  We were super lucky it was only about 65 degrees outside though, because Ben was soooo slow eating it.  Somehow we have to get him to speed it up before summer when it will melt much faster!  He loved sitting at the kid picnic table at the ice cream shop and enjoying his cone.  He needs a little work on actually eating the ice cream; he mainly just touched his tongue to it.  It was pretty funny to watch.  Pat and I 'helped' him eat it to speed things along.  Just doing our parently duty, right? ;)  

I love this little guy.  And I am loving that the girls are starting to be awake on some of our outings!  I know the stroller and fresh air make them sleepy, but it is giving me a fabulous peek at times to come, running around with my three sweet blessings!

-Kim

Normal weekend outing

What?  A nice day this weekend?  You guessed it, we Cartwrights headed to our usual outing- hiking in the state park!  It was beautiful out, almost hot compared to what we have been having!  Ben did an awesome job of really walking pretty far.  It's great that he can handle longer distances.  We have to stick to trails with the girls in the stroller still, but that doesn't mean we can't have a lot of fun!

Ben and Pat of course found some sticks and rocks to through in the river.  (We have to check that off the boy to-do list every time we go out in nature. ;) )  The girls were awake for part of the walk, and seemed to enjoy themselves as well!  Throw in a picnic lunch and an ice cream cone and we had the perfect Cartwright weekend outing.

A great view.

My best boy!

Doing the boy thing. :)

Sammy!

Ali!

-Kim

BFBN: Tips for managing different personalities in your home- Guest Post

It's a Babywise Friendly Blog Network trade day!  I am over at Mama's Organized Chaos discussing the schedule we have for Ben and the girls at two months.  I hope it helps people see that schedules are possible, even with a 2.5  year old and twins!

Today I am lucky to have Carrie from Wiley Adventures posting.  She is talking about managing different personalities in your home.  As we all know we have recently gone from one to three kids, so working around different personalities with kids is new to us.  We are still getting to know the girls.  But we know that despite the fact that they are twins, they are two unique people with their own little personalities.  As they grow I want to work with their unique selves and not try to lump them together just because they were born at the same time.  Carrie has some great insight on how to do this!

-Kim

 Tips For Managing Different Personalities in Your Home

t would be so EASY and so CONVENIENT if all of our kids fit a mold wouldn’t it? Even more convenient would be if our kids fit our own mold, or had the same personality as we do. As a parent one of the most baffling things can be when your child’s personality is different from your own. Because this is so often not the case, it is important to parent towards DEVELOPMENT not towards CONVENIENCE.

A simple way to do that is to ask two questions when thinking about your kids personalities (or even when thinking about your own or your spouse’s personalities):

1. Is your child task oriented or relationship oriented?

Does your child push against bedtime because they cannot stand to see that project go unfinished or finish that book to see what happens? They are probably task oriented.

Does your child want to make every day a social gathering or event? They are probably relationship oriented.

Knowing what is behind their MOTIVATION can really help when you are interacting with them throughout the day. This can help you frame your expectations and even your language when you approach them in different circumstances.

For example, task oriented people tend to love charts and lists to check off. Make a bedtime chart and for every night they go to bed on time, give them a sticker or a check mark for a job completed. For the relationship oriented child, pair them with another sibling to help with chores or other tasks. Give them someone to talk to.

2. Is your child an introvert or an extrovert?

Do people energize or drain your child?

Recognizing what FUELS your child is vital to how you interact with them. If your child is an introvert and has been around people all day long, they are likely to be fussy and exhausted whereas a more extroverted child might be more energized and happy. And visa versa is true as well. If you have an extroverted child who hasn’t really been around people in a couple days, they might be more drained and might need some people time.

Thinking through these things are not so you can cater to your child necessarily, but being aware of how your kids function and work can really help you work WITH your child’s personality instead of AGAINST it.

Related Post:

Loving your Kids Different Personalities

Carrie blogs at www.wileyadventures.com. She is married to Kyle and has four kids: Laura Kate (7 years), Shepherd (5 years), Fischer (3 years), and Archer (15 months). 

Be sure to check out all the other ladies of the BFBN to see what they have to say today!

Bounce Town

While Pat was on spring break we took Ben and the girls to Bounce Town!  I was very excited to take Ben there.  It is actually in the same office park as Omi's office, but so far Ben has shown absolutely no interest in bounce houses.  We have had the opportunity for Ben to try them out at assorted events and he has always given a resounding no.  Neither Pat nor I had ever been to Bounce Town though, and we wanted to take advantage of the fact that we could kind of have a spring  break for once.  (Working in the accounting/bookkeeping field spring break is usually spent with me super busy at work!) We packed up the kids and headed over.

Ben did enjoy it at first, but being the cautious kid he can be he wanted to kind of look around and take everything in.  He liked walking around with Pat, and he loved the energy of the place.  But he did not want to actually go into any of the bounce houses.  Bounce Town has several rooms with lots of things to jump in, and we found a little bounce meant for toddlers.  Being the awesome parents we are we went ahead and plopped Ben right inside.  That didn't go so well.

A very angry Ben.

Fortunately there were activities that didn't require actually going in to any bounces.  Ben loved tossing footballs and basketballs around.  He also really loved just running back and forth in the the big rooms.  We played a couple of games of skeeball.  Ben really seemed to be enjoying himself, so we didn't think we had wasted our money in going there.  Of course Ben was missing what we thought was the main point of a place like Bounce Town- the bouncing.  He was having a lot of fun, which was the purpose of our outing.

Let me give you a hint- overhand skeeball is harder than it looks. ;)

I had to grab a selfie with my boy!

He ran the whole time!

We were all having a lot of fun.  While we were glad we went, Pat and I were thinking we would wait a little longer before coming back.  Then, in typical little kid style, everything changed.  Literally, we had ten minutes left in our block of time and Ben climbed into a bounce house.  He decided he loved it!!  

Happy kid!

Bounce Town was a hit.  We were so glad Ben finally got into a bounce house and liked it!  We will be going back at some point.  I think it will continue to be a two parent outing at this point.  It is a big place and I want Ben to be able to run about freely, which is hard to do when I am chasing him and carrying his sisters.  Pat and I are both super proud of Ben for finally giving the bounce houses a try,  It is nice that he is cautious most of the time, but we want him to be willing to try new things.  It's so fun to see him grow up and participate in all these big boy activities!  

Oh yes, and the token picture of the girls:

Living it up, as always.

They had a lot of fun too. ;)

-Kim

Easter Egg Hunt!

We had our weekend of Easter fun the weekend before Easter.  Saturday we attended the Bunny Hop.  Sunday we took Ben to his first Easter Egg hunt!  We were fortunate that a family from church hosted a potluck hunt for the kids in the congregation.  It was fun for Ben, and nice for Pat and me to meet some more church families.

The first part of the day we just hung out and ate some yummy food.  (Side note- almost everyone added bacon to their food.  It was amazing. :) )While we were eating and visiting, the Easter Bunny stopped by to see the kids!  He brought treats as well.  Ben was thrilled to get to see the bunny again.

After the Easter Bunny made sure all the kids had some treats, we were ready to go out and hunt for all the eggs!  This was a small group of kids, and most of them were in the same age range.  I was pleased about that because it meant everyone got plenty of eggs, and no one went nuts or caused any problems.  It was the first hunt for a lot of the kids, so it was cute to see them out there.  Ben was pretty happy to grab just one egg and play with it, and another kid started tossing the eggs.  Everyone figured it out pretty quick though.  Ben wanted Daddy to hunt with him, and I stayed by the girls and took pictures.

I think we already have more pictures of the girls in their car seats than we have of Ben from a full year of using that seat.  Second child problems, huh.  Lots of traveling around and napping on the go so big brother can still go to activities.  At least they can say they went to their first egg hunt at two months old instead of 2 years. ;)

After all the eggs were gathered we headed back in to open them up!  Ben was so excited to see what he had.  He got candy, stickers, and other little toys.  It was wonderful.  

After all the eggs were opened (and collected to use again next year- smart hosts!) we headed home.  The girls needed to eat and Ben needed to nap.  It was a wonderful first egg hunt.  We had a great time hitting up all the Easter fun.  I am so happy we got it all done the weekend before, giving us Easter Sunday to just relax with family and really enjoy the day.  As Ben gets older he just gets more and more fun!  I can't wait until we have all three little ones out there running around!

-Kim

Bunny Hop

The weekend before Easter we really went for it with Easter activities.  A nice thing about my staying home with the kids is that I can get all our home chores done during the week.  This leaves the weekends open for fun!  

We started our weekend at church where they had an Easter brunch.  It was a great reason to bring the girls to church to meet people too!  I love supporting this sort of church activity, even if we are slackers when it comes to actually attending service sometimes. Ben was super excited because, well, bacon.  Kids got to eat for free, but of course Ben scammed bacon from Meo, me, and Pat.  He is so our kid in that respect. ;)  Meo was happy because she got to sit and hold the girls.  

A little blurry, but my boys and their bacon. :)

The boys, Meo, and Ali! (Sammy was still asleep)

After our yummy brunch we went to the Bunny Hop!  This was actually our first year doing the Bunny Hop, and I'm so glad we did it!  Ben was so excited by the cow at Chick-fil-a, we thought he for sure would love to see the Easter Bunny.  And he did!  We got to the hop a little  before it started, and I am so glad we did.  There was already a line to see the bunny!  We got to see him arrive, escorted by the fire department. Oh yes, Ben was pumped about that.  The line moved along really well, so we didn't have to wait too long.  While we did wait Pat and I took turns standing in line with the girls, and Ben got to check out some real bunnies.  They were so cute!  It was a chillier day, so some of the bunnies were cuddled up with blankets.  A couple of little ones were actually in the big pockets of their owners hoodies.  It was adorable.

After petting all the bunnies, we got a chance to meet the Easter Bunny!  Meeting the bunny was pretty quick.  I mean, you don't have to give a list or anything like with Santa.  A couple of hugs and pictures and we were on our way.  But Ben really was thrilled by it.  He was jumping up and down and just so happy!

Hugs!

Too excited to sit still :P

Another hug

After seeing the Easter Bunny we stopped by the library for Ben to play.  This was important though, because the girls took their first bottles!  Well, their first bottles since they had to supplement in the hospital.  I am so happy we are doing well nursing, but I want to make sure they can take bottles too.  I was a little worried, the bottles were a bit on the chilly side.  And they flowed a lot faster than what happens when nursing, but the girls did well!  They did eat, which is what counts.  It was a little messy and slow, but it is so comforting to know they can take a bottle.  Good job, ladies!

After the girls got to eat and Ben got to play, we visited the rest of the hop.  Basically it is Easter trick or treating.  Stores downtown have different treats the kids can come in a get.  Ben loved it.  Pat ended up taking him into most stores, and Ben seemed so happy to be walking around with his Daddy.

Heading in for treats!

The girls napped after their bottle success.

When we were hopped out we headed home for some lunch.  It was a great activity!  I think we will be doing it in future years as well.  We were able to have a lot of fun, but still rest up that afternoon.  This was good because the next day was Ben's first Easter Egg Hunt!  Pictures from that coming up soon.  :)

-Kim