January 2017 Book List

New year, new books! I'm taking a little break from the twin posts to share a few books I've been reading lately. (This post contains affiliate links. All opinions are my own.)

I'm Judging You by Luvvie Ajayi

I grabbed this book off the library shelf because I liked the title. And I loved this book!  It's a collection of essays by a blogger.  She touches on all sorts of topics- internet etiquette, real life etiquette, social norms, racism, sexism, friendship- the whole gamut.  And it is funny!  It can be a tough read, I didn't agree with everything she said.  And she touches on some uncomfortable topics, especially the racism and sexism.  But that is good!  I read to enjoy myself but I also like to read to grow.  This book made me think and evaluate how I feel and how I impact those around me.  As I said, I didn't always agree with everything she said.  But I didn't feel attacked by her opinion.  The title is "I'm Judging You," but I didn't leave reading this book feeling like a bad person.  It challenged me to think more and aim to be a better person, but didn't leave me feeling angry at the author for ferreting out my flaws.  I recommend this one to anyone.  It also gave me some great ideas for topics to discuss with the kids as they get older.

The Girls by Emma Cline

This is sort of a fictionalized version of what happened with Charles Manson in the sixties.  It is the story of a young girl who is kind of ignored by her divorcing parents and falls in with a group of girls who seem exciting.  They live on a ranch with a charismatic man and they all do a bunch of drugs.  The story is interspersed with narration from the girl as an adult, telling her story to a teen.  I think some of the commentary on what it feels like to be a teenage girl was spot on.  Feeling like your worth is solely in the judgment of others, wanting boys to notice you, trying to fit into a group- all things I think almost every teen has gone through.  I think the writing was a bit overly descriptive, I felt bogged down and annoyed by all the clutter.  But then again that is what I imagine life on the ranch was like, so maybe it was by design.  I wish we knew more about the narrator as an adult, but overall I enjoyed the read.

The House of Secrets by Brad Meltzer and Tod Goldberg

This is a history based thriller that flows a lot like Dan Brown novels.  A main character trying to solve a mystery about a historical figure (Benedict Arnold in this one). a secret figure operating in the background, and lots of questions.  This book focuses around Hazel, a college professor who is in a car accident with her brother and father.  Her father was the host of a reality show called House of Secrets, one of those history channel type shows where they go around trying to solve ancient mysteries.  He dies in the crash and Hazel loses her emotional connection to memories, making her forget things.  It is interesting to think about how our emotions color what we remember and how we interpret situations.  I enjoyed the fast paced style of the book and I always enjoy reading about a mystery with a historical basis.  The thing is, when the twist is revealed I didn't quite get why the secrecy was needed.  I don't want to give it away what the mystery is, but suffice to say I don't think all the fuss about it was needed.  People would have understood.  This was a fun book for a vacation read.  If you like Dan Brown style books you will like this one.

The Wedding Shop by Rachel Hauck

This book follows two time lines.  The first is Haley who has returned to her old hometown and has taken on the challenge of reopening the town wedding shop.  This shop has a big history in the town, which we see from the other timeline.  This is Cora's story, taking place in the 1930s.  She's a working woman in a time most woman didn't own businesses.  We follow the ladies through their romantic challenges and just general life challenges as they try to decide the direction they want to go.  This is a Christian novel.  I chose it because I was looking for a nice Christian fiction book to read, but honestly felt like the religious parts were a bit forced and felt like an add on.  They are nice if you are looking for that, but if that part doesn't interest you it is easy to gloss over them.  This is actually just one book in a three part arc, but it stands alone just fine.  I am interested in reading the other two books, but I haven't exactly run out to get them.  I think that says a lot.  This is a nice book.  I really liked the descriptions of the shop itself and all the wedding dresses.  I liked that it sparked me to remember my own engagement time and wedding.  It was slightly predictable, but one of those books that made me feel good while I read it and left me feeling happy when I was finished.  I like books like that.

As always, I'd love suggestions of other books to read!  Happy reading!

-Kim

Twelve month update

Well we survived our first year with twins!  Go us!  I can honestly say it was not as terrible as I though it could be.  I suppose it helps to think of the expression 'Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.'  I was prepared for life to be chaos, and fortunately it wasn't!  Oh, there were moments of it for sure.  But overall it really wasn't too bad.

The girls are still doing their army crawl to get around.  I rarely see them even try to do a traditional crawl anymore.  I think even they don't see the point.  They are super fast when they want to be.  They are sitting amazingly well!  It feels like they couldn't be bothered to try to sit, they wanted to be on the go.  Then all of a sudden they realized it left their hands free to grab more stuff, and they were all about sitting!  We have a fun new development now- they are pulling up on everything.  Half of me is super excited for them and the fact that they are hitting milestones.  The other half is thinking, Oh shoot.  They can get into more stuff now.  ;)  Ali is really into pulling up and standing.  She does it as much as possible.  As per usual, Sammy can do it as well, but isn't as into it.  Ali is trying really hard to figure out how to cruise around holding on to furniture.  She isn't quite there yet.  But I know she will get it soon, and then Sammy will realize she can do it too.  Seriously, nothing is safe in our house any more.

Eating is going well overall.  When they like the food they are champion eaters. Table manners are a different story though.  They are like tiny vikings!  When Sammy doesn't like something she just throws it down on the floor.  Both of them like to slam their cups down to indicate they want more to drink.  Sigh, we are working on it of course, but it is slow going.  They are very aware of what everyone else is eating.  This means they want whatever Ben has, and that somehow the food on my plate is way better then what they have.  This is despite the fact that they eat the same things we do most of the time, the only difference being I let theirs get a little cooler.  This is the opposite of Ben, who thought anything I had was terrible.  I am trying to mix foods that are new and healthy with those I know they will eat to be sure they get enough to be full.  I have to hide the 'good stuff' at the beginning of the meal sometimes.  But I am trying to trust their little bodies know what they need.  If I only serve the healthy stuff they will be fine.  Oh, and smoothies.  Thank goodness for smoothies. :)

Nursing is going pretty well.  I am thinking the girls are losing interest.  They like the first eating of the day, and usually the one right before bed.  The rest of the day they can be pretty disinterested.  They eat a small amount or sometimes none at all.  I follow their lead on this.  I think soon enough we will wean.  I'm not in a big rush to do so, but I'm not stopping it either.  I plan to go slow of course.  and let the girls dictate the pace.  I am beyond thrilled we made it to a whole year of nursing.  It is truly a blessing.

Sleep is going pretty well too.  Overall I still can't complain.  They do well at night.  A few wake ups, but really just giving them their pacifiers solves the problem.  They know what is expected of them at sleep time, and don't fuss about going to their cribs.  They are starting to play a bit at the beginning of naps.  These girls, they think they are just the funniest two people in the world.  I don't always know what they are laughing at, but they are just giggling away at each other!  If that happens I just let it go.  I know when they get older they may take longer to move bedtime later if they talk and laugh after lights out.  We are just fine with that.  It is really sweet and I love peeking in at them.  They do love their beds though and I am very happy they don't fuss when it is time to go to sleep.

This was of course a big month with all the holidays!  Ali and Sammy did really well with all the excitement, visitors, and schedule adjustments.  They loved having Omi, Meo, and Uncle Jared staying with us.  They ate up all the attention when we were with the whole family too.  They are little snuggle bunnies and just wanted to be held and loved on, which everyone was happy to do!  Their first new years eve wasn't very exciting.  Honestly they were coming down from the Christmas fun and were a little out of sorts.  We did a netflix count down and all the kids went to bed on time.  They loved having Daddy home for winter break.  We sure kept busy this past month!

Sammy and Ali are just little balls of personality.  They are so funny!  They love to giggle and play and snuggle.  They adore meal times, they are always hungry.  They come charging into the kitchen when I move the gate for meals.  They are pulling up to stand and finding they can reach new levels of mischief.  The kids got a ton of Little People toys for Christmas and the girls love to play with them.  They still love the toy kitchen.  Any time Ben isn't looking they start digging through his trains.  (Only a year old and they already know how to pester their brother.)  Ali still loves pulling things off shelves.  Sammy is still in love with socks.  Ali has started pulling hers off more and Sammy will go right for them.  They have started to chase each other around a bit, which is just a hoot to watch.  They are dancing now!!!  I love little baby dances!  They hear music and they just start wiggling back and forth.  It is the sweetest thing ever.  We have a lot more dance parties now, and the girls are so into it.  They adore watching Ben run around and dance.

Both girls are little loves.  They are still the loudest babies ever, but it is ever so slowly going down.  Ali is still more open with her feelings.  She is quick to yell but even quicker to smile.  She is my little buddy, following me around and crawling to be in my lap.  She works hard for her goals.  She is funny and likes to be part of the action.  Sammy is still a little more reserved.  But she has a sly smile that just gets you.  She is determined, but it is a quieter determination.  She is more content to play on her own, but she still loves a good cuddle.  She is funny and loves to play.  Both girls are just a hoot.  They  love to smile, play, laugh, get into mischief, and dance.  They want to be with the group and play with their brother.  They play with each other too!  They love to giggle at each other in nap time.  They are always so excited when Pat gets home.  It is so sweet to watch them love their family!

Double trouble, always finding things they shouldn't get into.  Ali (L) Sam (R)

OSU lost, but these fans were still looking cute! (Sam (L) Ali (R)

Playtime with Daddy is the best!  (Sam (L) Ali (R))

These girls love to be out and about!  Ali (L) and Sam (R)

They adore their big bro. Sam (L) Ali (R)

I love how they end up almost on top of each other sometimes.  Sisters! (Sam L, Ali R)

These two think they are so funny. :)  Sam (L) Ali (R)

My one year olds!!

Ali and Sammy are amazing girls.  This has been an incredible year.  I love the baby days and will miss them so much, but I am so excited to get to see these two grow.  They are delights and bring joy to our lives every day.  Thank you for being such sweet girls, Ali and Sammy.  We love you so very much.

-Kim

Forgive yourself, Mama. Screen time can be just a season.

Screen time.  It can be such a hot button issue.  Studies have shown that too much isn't good for kids.  A lot of us can see from our own experience that our children's behavior declines from too much tv.  But let's be honest- screens are everywhere and aren't going away any time soon.  Kids see adults using different electronic devices non stop.  I know Ben's first two years of life were spent in the office, with us using computers.  Yes, they were for work purposes, but they were screens nonetheless.  We love our screens, specifically tv.  I don't know many young kids who don't like a good tv show or movie.  I also don't know many parents who don't appreciate the respite it can give us at times.  The thing is, there are times in life when we need that break.  We need the power of the tv to keep our kids distracted, safe, and happy.

I have had a few big times when my son watched too much tv.  The first big time was when I was in my third trimester with the girls.  This was also in winter in the Midwest.  Snow, cold, and a giant belly?  You can bet we let Ben watch some extra tv.  I was just too big to get down on the floor and do a ton with him.  Plus I was a wee bit on the tired side of life.  We ended up letting Ben watch more shows so I could get more downtime to sit.

Then the girls were born.  Life with a newborn can be a bit of a survival situation.  Life with newborn twins and a toddler is for sure.  First of all, newborns keep you busy with all the attention they need.  Second, I spent most of my day on the couch nursing babies.  I wasn't able to master the stand and walk around when nursing one baby, and there was no way I could do it with two.  So we were couch bound.  I did pin all sorts of ideas for busy bags and ways to entertain toddlers while nursing.  Honestly, Ben was not interested in any of my plans.  Helping both girls nurse took up almost all my focus too.  So the tv would go on.  Ben was just under 2.5 when the girls were born, not an age where I wanted him wandering the house or getting into things on his own.  TV kept Ben happy and safe, right next to me on the couch.

As the girls got older and better at nursing the time spent just feeding them got shorter.  But then we decided to move across the country.  Pat had to get there earlier than us to start his job, so that gave me three weeks to pack up the house with the kids.  We all know how hectic packing can be.  Boxes everywhere, things getting sorted and moved around, not to mention all the things that are normally kept tucked away coming out to be packed up.  The girls were still sleeping in our room, so I couldn't even use nap times to pack places I didn't want little ones in.  Enter the tv.  Once again, some shows kept Ben safe and happy while I ran around like a crazy woman.  Oh, and towards the end we had to pack up Ben's toys.  What else was he supposed to do?  Then after all that packing and getting to our new place, we had to unpack.  Same idea- I needed to get a ton done while keeping little ones safe and out of the way.

These are just my examples of when screen time became a major part of our lives.  I'm not thrilled that Ben spent so much time in front of the tv.  But you know what?  It was for a relatively short period of time in the grand scheme of things.  I do think there were a few benefits of all the tv watching.  One is the obvious that I was able to get a ton done without 'helpers' slowing things down.  I was able to make sure Ben was safe and happy when I couldn't play with him.  I was able to focus on getting good nursing sessions in with the girls while they were newborns.  And I was able to rest as needed through the end of my pregnancy and the early days with the girls.  TV gave me a chance to mentally recharge during a very busy time of life.  I think it also helped Ben with the move.  The characters on Ben's shows became his friends, and he was able to take them with him on his move.  It gave him some consistency during a time of major upheaval.  He got not one but two new siblings, then six months later moved to a whole new state.  That is a lot for an adult let alone a two year old.  Knowing he could relax and still have something familiar with him gave him a sense of constancy in a changing time.

Okay, so we had some really good reasons to over-do the screen time.  That doesn't mean I didn't feel a ton of guilt about how often my boy was sitting in front of the tv.  It also doesn't mean I don't feel guilt when I think back on those times.  I do have a few strategies to deal with that.

1) Remember this is just a season.  Having a newborn, a family member with an illness, moving, busy times at work.  Theoretically these times don't last forever.  They may feel like it, but the time passes and we either go back to normal or adjust to the new normal.  You aren't using the tv as a babysitter out of laziness or a desire to not do what is best for your child.  You are trying to do what is best for the whole family, and sometimes that means a less than perfect pass time for your child.  That doesn't mean you don't love your child.

2) Focus on quality.  Just because your child is watching a lot of tv it doesn't mean you have to give them free range to watch anything at all.  We made sure Ben always watched age appropriate tv.  We did do a lot of fun tv.  (I can still name recite the catch phrases for every member of the Paw Patrol.)  Besides fun tv I tried to utilize as much educational tv as possible.  I really think Ben learned a lot from these shows.  Super Why is great for reading and letter recognition.  Team Umizoomi talks about math concepts.  Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood is awesome for emotional development.  (Not to mention having several episodes on new siblings!)  Veggie Tales introduced religious ideas, while the Wonder Pets taught Ben about team work.  Sesame Street is still a classic.  And Pinky Dinky Doo taught Ben how to think through different the elements of a story. Yes, working on these concepts with an adult and without a screen would probably be best.  But that doesn't mean kids aren't getting something out of these shows.  You can find some educational apps and youtube videos to watch.  I think Ben learned all his letters from an ABCKidTV youtube video, despite my trying to teach him the same information.

It is important to remember that these times of too much tv don't have to last forever.  Once you have passed the survival time in life, or just adjusted to a new normal, you can come back from the screen time!  I think there are two main ways to come back from too much screen time.

1) Cold turkey.  Just turn off the tv.  It can be hard, but it sends a fast message that you are serious.  I have found that going cold turkey means the transition back to less screen time is faster.

2) Step down slowly.  This is what we ended up doing.  I started cutting shows slowly.  I didn't turn on the tv until later in the day and I tried to limit what we did watch to just after afternoon nap and during long nursing sessions.  I personally had a hard time turning off the tv too, not just my son!  Being in an all new place felt lonely, and the sound of the tv helped fill some of the emptiness as we adjusted to our new normal.  I was able to swap out shows, switching cartoons for adult shows that are still okay for children to see.  (Things like cooking shows or science and nature programs, etc can still be fine for children to watch- no bad language, adult situations, or violence.)  These shows didn't hold my son's attention as much.  He usually looked at it for a moment, then went about playing.  Having the tv still on limited some of his complaints about watching shows and made me feel less alone as a stay at home mom in a new state.  In time we all got our new routines going and were able to get the tv fully off.

Look, we all know we don't want our kids just zoning out in front of the tv all day.  But sometimes life puts us in a place where we need to utilize it as a tool.  We all have times when we are in survival mode.  During these times we can focus on quality and choose to forget about quantity for a bit.  Once the season of craziness has passed, we can get back to normal and scale back the screen time.  You are not a bad mom because your child watches too much tv sometimes.  As my mom told me: If your worst parenting decision is too much age appropriate tv, you are doing just fine.

-Kim

Be sure to check out all the ladies in the BFBN today as they talk about all things screen time!




Chronicles of a Babywise Mom: Rules for Balancing Screen Time
Wiley Adventures: {How We Do} Screen Time
Mama's Organized Chaos:10 Benefits of Screen Time for Your Toddler
Twinning Babywise: Television and The Dark Side
Let's Be Brave: Screen Time Alternatives
The Journey of Parenthood: Redefining Screen Time Limits as Kids Age

A year in pictures- Ali and Sammy

I love looking back at the pictures of Ali and Sammy every month.  It is so much fun to see how much they have grown and changed!  I love the cute stickers you can get to denote what month babies are in, but I am way to cheap to buy those.  The simple piece of paper worked pretty well for Ben.  He started messing with it as he got older, but I was able to use it if I was quick.  The girls made that a challenge pretty early.  That's okay though, it just reminds me of the unique challenge of photographing twin babies.

I love these girls so much.  I am so blessed to have them in my life!

Brand new! (Ali L, Sammy R)

Sammy and Ali

Sammy

Ali

Sammy (L) and Ali (R)

Ali

Sammy

Sammy (L) and Ali (R)

Sammy

Ali

Ali (L) and Sammy (R)

Sammy

Ali

Ali (L) and Sammy (R)

Ali

Sammy

Ali (L) and Sammy (R)

Sammy

Ali

7 months! Ali (L) and Sammy (R)

Ali

Sammy

8 months! Ali (L) and Sammy (R)

Ali

Sammy

9 months! Sammy (L) and Ali (R)

Ali

Sammy

10 months!  Ali (L) and Sammy (R)

Ali

Sammy

11 months! Sammy (L) and Ali (R)

Sammy

Ali

1 year old! Sammy (L) and Ali (R)

Sammy

Ali

I adore looking back on these pictures.  It is so amazing to see how much the girls have grown and developed!  They were such sweet little things when they were born.  They are still super sweet, but their personalities have just exploded!  They have brought so much joy to our lives.  We love you girls!!

-Kim