7 Ways to Encourage Toddlers to Embrace their Natural Scientific Tendencies- Guest Post

Today is a Babywise Friendly Blog Network (BFBN) trade day!  I am over at Chronicles of a Babywise Mom today.  Twin naps.  Guys, they can be tough.  Getting one baby on a solid nap schedule is tough, two can be tougher.  I have outlined how I went about getting my girls on a solid nap schedule.  Trust me, all the efforts are worth it.

Today I have Katrina from Mama's Organized Chaos talking about one of my favorite things- kids and science!  You all know I think we need to be encouraging our little scientists.  Katrina is giving us some great tips about how to actually do that.

As always, be sure to check out all the BFBN ladies to see what they have to say!

-Kim

Why? Why? Why? Why?

This question probably sounds familiar if you have a young child! While it probably gets annoying at times to answer question after question, it is an amazing quality that children exhibit- curiosity! From birth, our babies are little scientists as they figure out how the world around them works. They may not know the word gravity yet, or what it means, but they test it's presence every day as they drop items on the floor, and even test jumping off of things themselves. Our babies don't know what adhesion, cohesion, and surface tension mean, but they certainly test the capabilities and properties of water as much as they can. They learn and they absorb so much knowledge through open play that allows them to explore their natural curiosities.

Why is the basic question of science, and our children are natural born scientists! Our children form hypotheses and test them without even knowing it! Our children are little observers, just as the best scientists are. I think it is so important to celebrate these natural tendencies, and encourage them to embrace these qualities. As parents this can be unknown territory, especially if you were not a fan of science. But, the reality, is that it is so easy to help our children embrace their natural scientific tendencies, and I bet you love science more than you realize (just maybe not that high school chemistry class) LOL!

As a scientist myself, I find it fascinating to watch as my toddler shows exceptional scientific qualities. I bet your little one exhibits these qualities, too! When I think about what it takes to be a good scientist, I come up with a handful of qualities. Does your toddler exhibit any of these?

- Notices details
- Enjoys making observations
- Is curious about the world around them and how things work
- Enjoys exploring
- Likes to be challenged
- Appreciates nature and loves being outside
- Attempts to solve problems

There are more qualities, of course, like being patient and determined and organized, but those things are for the adult scientists, and come with age.

I bet your child, if given the chance to show these qualities and behaviors, would exhibit at least 6 out of the 7 qualities mentioned, if not 7 of 7! The key, however, is allowing them to keep these natural tendencies of theirs, by encouraging the above behaviors. You don't have to love chemistry to help your child keep their scientific skills alive and thriving!

Here are 7 basic ways you can help your child embrace their natural scientific tendencies (without getting all pinteresty with science experiments):

1. Go outside and enjoy nature. Yes, you can go to the playground, but on the way there, take a walk and explore. Sit in the grass and watch the birds. Pick up rocks and sticks. Sit on the sidewalk and watch the ants crawling. Encourage free time outside that is exploration based.

2. Let your child get dirty. Allow them to interact with nature in an uninhibited way. Yes, supervise to make sure your 1.5 year old isn't eating rocks, but allow them the freedom to play in the mud and squash it between their fingers. Get your rain coats on and splash in the puddles. Children are learning so much when they have the freedom to get dirty! They might just find a worm, or a frog and start making observations! You never know what knowledge a little dirt will impart on your child!

3. Allow your child the freedom to solve their own problems. Try not to step in any time your child hits a roadblock. You can give suggestions and offer things to think about and to try, but don't just step in and solve the problem for them all the time. Let your child struggle a bit. The struggle of solving a problem can lead to amazing learning experiences, and your child will grow up knowing they are capable of figuring things out. I think this step is extra important in today's cell phone age where we have information at our hands in a moments notice. We need to start young and teach our children that they can't always look everything up. Sometimes they need to solve a problem on their own.

4. Encourage them to find answers to their questions. This ties right into the above idea of allowing our children to solve their own problems. When they ask us a question, it is easy to always answer it. Sometimes it's ok to ask them what they think the answer is, though! It is even better to give them a way to find the answer to their questions on their own. Help them break down the question by asking them questions that lead to the answer. For example, when my daughter asks "What is that noise?", I start by asking her what she thinks it is. If she doesn't know and says "Help please", I start asking her questions. I ask if it is inside or outside? Sometimes, after answering, this question is enough to get her to venture a guess, and most of the time she knows the answer! If she doesn't venture a guess, I "guess" and ask her to tell me if I'm right. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? At 2 she can often answer what it is right off the bat, and if not, she eliminates items with me as we determine what it is together.

5. Make observations and ask questions. As a parent it is important to model this behavior yourself. Talk with your child as you go about your daily life. Ask questions about the world, and make lots of observations. Try to be detailed. Make note of the big green frog, and talk about it! Talk about the spots on its back, and the sound it makes. So much more comes from that, as opposed to just saying "oh a frog" and being done with your observation. Note the details!

6. Provide independent play. Nothing fuels problem solving, exploration, and observations more than independent play. When you aren't right by your child's side, they are much more likely to attempt to solve their own problem, try things in different ways, look at things in a new light. It is not uncommon for children to default to their parents when they are around. They know that mom will come solve everything, so they don't bother to attempt. Pretend you are busy, or even better, establish a routine of independent play! Your child's ability to solve problems will sky rocket!

7. Allow creativity. Scientists think outside of the box. That's how problems get solved. But we need creative solutions in order to solve the creative problems of the world. So, while you teach your child to color in the lines, also show them that they can color outside the lines and even add their own drawings. Let them do things their way. Often times, you'll learn a little something from your child, and learning from our children is one of the many gifts they'll give us as parents!

Other Posts of Interest:

Let Your Toddler Get Dirty

Independent Play- Our Progression

Reviving Independent Play "Room Time"

8 Independent Table Activities for 2 Year Olds

My Little Outdoor Helper- 2 Years Old and Helping With Family Responsibilities

Play Categories to Include for Every Toddler/Child

Strong As a Mom- A STEM Loving Mom

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Katrina has a 2 year old daughter and blogs at Mama's Organized Chaos. She's a mama that breastfed, used cloth diapers, did sleep training, and loves Babywise!

No touching: Why I don't make my child hug

This post originally appeared as a guest post on Wiley Adventures in May 2016.  

 Every knows this scenario- A distant relative (or not so distant) comes to visit, and wants to give your little one a big hug and kiss.  The child in question says no and tries to run away.  Often we see the child getting hugged and kissed anyway.  But in real life what should we do?  For me- if my child doesn't want to hug or kiss you, he doesn't have to.  I know not everyone agrees with that, but I will not allow my child to be forced into hugging or kissing anyone.

Why?  It comes down to one basic thing: it is his body.  He has a right to choose who he shares that body and affection with.  It's hard to think beyond our perspective sometimes.  When we want to hug a child it's because we love them so much and want to share that with them.  It can be hard to see it from the child's perspective.  I think about when I visit my nieces and nephew.  I love those kids.  I have known them their whole lives.  I have changed their diapers. I get pictures and updates from my sister in law.  I know all their developments, big and little.  But to them, I am someone they only get to see a couple of times a year.  So while I feel like I know them really well, they may feel like I am a stranger, and not want to hug.  I know I don't want to hug strangers, so why should they?  I feel the same way with my son.  I know his relatives who live far away love him and have seen tons of pictures of him.  That doesn't mean that he has the same knowledge of them, and it doesn't mean that he is as eager for hugs.

I am trying to teach my kids to trust their instincts and stand up for themselves.  If they are uncomfortable with a situation, I want them to be able to step back and say no.  This is especially true when protecting their body is at stake.  I think it is very confusing to tell them they can say no to people touching them, but sometimes they have to just let themselves be hugged against their wills.  When you are a small child, this is very hard to understand!  And no, I don't at all think they have the emotional capacity to think of the other person's point of view.  Yes,  I will try to explain that great aunt whomever is safe and just wants to share the love she has for him in the form of a hug.  But it is going to take them time to reach that understanding.  I also try to think about what it is like when you are that little.  Someone way bigger and stronger than you wants to hug you, which basically is holding you against your will.  You can't fight back, you are too small.  That is scary!  I don't want my child feeling afraid of physical affection, and forcing it upon someone is no way to promote healthy touch between people.

I also don't try to guilt my child into hugging someone.  I don't mind trying a couple of times to suggest he give hugs.  But I do not think it is fair to tell a two year old that they are hurting a grown adult's feelings by not hugging.  The adult should be, well, the adult in the situation and accept that the child does not want to hug.  Sure, it stings a little.  No one like to be rejected.  But I feel that using this technique to get a hug is teaching the child that they should feel ashamed or guilty when they try to protect themselves.  That is not right.  They have to right to decide who touches them and how in these situations.  

Don't get me wrong, I insist my child acknowledge others.  As I wrote about here, it is good manners and important to speak with others.  High fives, fist bumps, hellos.  These are all fine to push a little.  As adults sometimes we have to shake hands with and greet people we don't really want to.  But rarely do we have to hug someone we truly don't want to.  And when we do (probably a similar situation as I led with, a distant relative with a penchant for big hugs) we have the emotional capacity to understand why we are doing this and why we can still say no to others touching us.

So no, my child might not hug you.  I will ask him if he is sure he doesn't want to, but at the end of the day it is his body and his decision.  I want him to know that his mother backs him up.  He is learning what his boundaries are for his personal space, and I support him in those decisions.  This might not be the popular position, and it might not be how other families feel.  But for me, it feels right.  

-Kim

Bedtime Routines- the 4 core parts you need for success

Sleep is so important.  If it wasn't we wouldn't have so many articles and books and blogs on how to get our kids to just go to sleep already!  A big part of getting into sleep mode is setting the stage that the day is over and it is time to rest.  No parent wants to spend hours getting their kids into bed.  A good bedtime routine contain just a few basics that can be performed almost anywhere.  In my opinion, it should take less than ten minutes.  It can be made longer if you are all having fun playing around, but it can be pared down even further if needed.  There are four main components to a good bedtime routine.

1) Pajamas.  It doesn't matter what the pajamas your kid wears are, as long as an outfit change takes place.  This physically shows our kids that we are serious, they are changing activities from day time to night time.  Pajamas need to be appropriate for the temperature of the home and the child so they are comfortable at night.  Keep in mind little ones aren't the best at keeping blankets on, or shouldn't have them at all.  So they might need warmer pajamas than adults do.  Most importantly these clothes need to be comfortable and safe.  Nothing that will tangle up at night, and nothing that will cause them to wake up uncomfortable.  Other than that- I say whatever makes your kid happy.  They are more likely to want to get into their pajamas if they are ones they like.  I don't find this to be the time to argue about texture, fit, or appearance.  Who really sees kids when they are sleeping?  No one, so who cares what they look like.  My son loved one set of pajamas so much he wore them long after they technically fit.  He was comfortable, so I didn't care.  He says something is too itchy, it's gone.  They are the ones who have to wear it for 12 hours or so, they know what they want.

2) Hygiene.  I don't believe in doing bath as a part of the bed time routine.  It can take place before bed, but it isn't a necessary component to signal that it is almost time to sleep.  That doesn't mean my kids go to bed dirty.  That doesn't feel good to anyone!  For babies a nice rub down with a baby wipe is usually plenty.  You can check all those sweet folds and get all the fuzzies out from those tiny toes.  For older kids I do at least a face wash, sometimes with a baby wipe too.  Be sure to check the feet if your child has been barefoot.  No one wants dirty sheets.  This is when we brush teeth.  This is also when final diaper changes or potty trips take place. (Potty training time means another trip last thing before bed too. One more try never hurts.)

3) Prayers and reflection.  I know not every family is religious.  This doesn't have to be formal prayers, or really any prayers at all.  This is just a good time to reflect back on the day and talk to your child for a few minutes.  We mention what went well that day, and touch on what we still need to work on.  I try to reinforce basic behavioral goals and review the all the time rules.  This is a quiet moment to really seek out your child's heart and talk to them.  We do say our prayers during this time.  It doesn't have to be a whole lecture period, just a few moments to touch base with your child.

4) Final Goodnight.  I am not a good singer, but when I had my first child I couldn't help but sing to him.  Studies have shown that babies adore the sounds of their parents singing, even if we think it sounds like screeching cats.  So I sing.  Our final goodnight is the same songs, every time our children go to sleep.  For all the children we do Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.  Short, simple, to the point.  I start singing this to them as soon as we bring them home.  Any time they are put down to a deliberate sleep time I sing this song to them.  I try not to sing it to them any other time at first.  This way when they hear that song they know it is time for sleep.  If you don't like to sing it can be a final set of words or a last series of kisses.  It just needs to be something that you can do every single time you put your child to sleep that you don't do other times.

These four things make up the core of any bedtime routine.  The great thing about building your routine out of these four items is that it can grow and change as needed.  When our children are newborns, this whole thing goes pretty quickly.  Prayers are just a few words, and there isn't much reflection with a baby.  But as babies grow into toddlers you can use this time to reinforce any lessons you are working on.  You can add more to this routine if you have the time, no need to force it into as short a time as possible.  But in the times when we are short on time and need to get everyone in to bed we can quickly hit the basics in less than ten minutes.

Building a routine you can do anywhere is so helpful.   This is something you can start at birth and continue for years.  The details may change, but the core parts can stay the same.  This encourages your child to settle in to sleep time, regardless of how long you spend on the routine or where you are.  You can travel and still do your routine.  You can easily explain to someone else how to handle bedtime.  And as I said, my favorite part, bedtime doesn't have to stretch for hours.  We can be silly and play, but still get into bed without a fight.  With a solid routine, everyone knows what is expected from them, making bedtime enjoyable for the whole family.

-Kim

It's a Babywise Friendly Blog Network Day!  All the ladies are talking about different aspects of routine.  Check out all the posts!

Twinning Babywise: Routines (or how to start your day off on the right side of the bed)
The Journey of Parenthood: Incorporating Mommy's Needs in the Daily Family Routine
Mama's Organized Chaos: Benefits and Types of Routines- And How You Can Use Routines Without Using Schedules
Chronicles of a Babywise Mom: The Key Element to Starting a Routine

When Ignoring is a beneficial discipline tool and Discipline Delay Tactics-BFBN

To wrap up our week on discipline, we have two great posts!  

First up is Emily from The Journey of Parenthood.  She is talking about ignoring your kids.  Ha, okay, I am simplifying a lot.  But it is a valid technique.  Kids will act out for attention at times, and sometimes ignoring it is the best way to go.  She writes:

"One useful tool I have in my parenting toolbox for discipline is the tool of ignoring. While it's not my everyday all day go to item, it is one that can be extremely effective if used in the right situation. And it's not as easy of a discipline method as it may sound. Ignoring a child while they are pitching a fit? Not easy. Ignoring a child who insists they don't want to meet Mickey Mouse after you've stood in line for an hour? Not easy. My husband and I have both been working harder at ignoring when necessary and it really does work so we're getting better at it ;) "

Head on over to The Journey of Parenthood to see more!

We also have Cole from Twinning Babywise.  She is talking about discipline delay tactics.  We all want our kids to obey the first time, but we also want to give them chances to make the right choice.  Cole offers up some good suggestions on how to work towards making the right choice the first time.  She writes:

"These, among many others, are discipline delay tactics. On the surface, the purpose of these statements is to offer the child a second chance to obey, but in actuality the point is release the parent from the responsibility of disciplining. Discipline isn't fun for the child or the parent, so they are hoping to avoid it by giving the child more opportunities to obey.

The problem is that delaying discipline is inherently destructive to instilling an understanding of actual obedience."

Check out Twinning Babywise to read more!

-Kim

This wraps up this BFBN week!  Check out all the ladies for their wise words on discipline.

Monday: Valerie at Chronicles of a Babywise Mom
Tuesday: Natasha at Let's Be Brave

Wednesday:  Katrina at Mama's Organized Chaos 

Thursday: Kimberly at Team Cartwright and Carrie at Wiley Adventures

Friday: Emily at The Journey of Parenthood and Cole at Twinning Babywise

Big feelings: Talking through tantrums with your child

Confession: When my son has a tantrum, I try not to punish him.  Oh, I don't want him acting out like that.  Tantrums are absolutely something to avoid and unacceptable behavior.  But I think tantrums in toddlers and preschoolers aren't telling us that our children need more discipline or are out of control.  I think they are telling us our children are having some big feelings they don't know how to deal with.

Yep, I am one of those moms who spends a lot of time talking about feelings. When my son is melting down I try my best not to respond to just his actions, but to really get to the heart of why he is having the tantrum.  I know, it sounds crazy to think a two or three year old can get into the reasoning behind how they are behaving.  I don't expect a total introspection session or anything, but I have seen that taking the time to help my child think through the whys does impact future behavior.  Slowly he is learning to self regulate.  My ultimate goal is to help my children become adults who can recognize and respect how they feel, without letting those feelings control them.

So, kid's having a tantrum.  What do we do?

Leave the trigger zone and go to a safe space
I usually do send Ben to sit on his bed if he is tantruming hard.  This is for a few reasons.  One is so we can get away from whatever is kicking off the tantrum.  Sometimes just stepping away from the situation helps.  Two it gets us into a safe space away from the girls.  Ben doesn't do anything to put them in danger, but if he is throwing things or running around I don't want him to accidentally run into them.  Additionally I try not to discipline Ben in front of his sisters or other people.  Oh, he gets some admonishments and reminders of rules in front of them.  But I feel the real deep discipline is best done without an audience.  Ali and Sammy don't know what is going on yet, but I do think they can feel the negative atmosphere that can go along with a tantrum.  I don't want shame to be a part of our discipline approach, so I don't want it to be a spectator activity.  Getting Ben away from everyone else lets him focus on what he needs to work through.  It also lets me give him more of my focus and attention.  Finally, Ben loves his room and his bed.  This is a place he feels safe.  Feeling safe is a big deal.  If he feels he is in a good place it is easier to calm down and process what is happening. It takes away some of the adrenaline reaction that can take place when emotions get too overwhelming.

Give everyone a chance to calm down
I usually don't go right in to the room after Ben does.  I give him a moment to calm down.  I also give myself a moment to collect my thoughts.  I am the adult in this situation, I need to make sure I act like it. It is so easy to get frustrated and take the behavior personally.  I take a moment to think through how I want to handle the situation.  Taking a moment lets me make sure that it is practical and safe to take some time to talk through the situation.  Are Ali and Sammy in a safe space?  Did I leave anything on the stove, or anything out that shouldn't be unattended?  By pausing I can be sure everything else is safe and I can give myself the time I need to handle the situation.

Time in
Once I make sure I am calm and everything in the house is safe to be left alone for a few moments, I step in to Ben's room.  Here the approach varies a bit.  If Ben is having a tantrum over something he knows he is not supposed to do I give him a chance to apologize.  Often I have to help him work through the words and remember what he has done.  If he is still upset I hug him until he calms down a bit.  Then he has to sit back on his bed until we finish our talk.

It seems counter-intuitive sometimes to offer hugs and reassurances when our children misbehave.  But the thing is, they still need us even when they do something wrong.  I want Ben to know that I am always on his side, no matter what.  It doesn't matter what he did, I am there for him and I love him.  If I don't show him that I love him and am still a safe person to talk to when the transgressions are little, how is he going to know he can come to me when he is older and the stakes are higher?  My job as a parent is to show discipline and teach him the rules, but it is also to show him love no matter what.

The Talk
Alright, now we are in the meat of the interaction.  Once Ben has calmed a bit and apologized for the tantrum, I try to help him name his feelings.  This is helps him build his emotional vocabulary and recognize what he is feeling.  I think when we name his feeling he can more easily recognize what caused that feeling.  We can start building his toolkit of how to handle his feelings.  Is he angry? Sad?  Frustrated?  I tell him how I feel too.  My hope is that this helps him see how his actions impact others.

After we have named his feeling we talk about what that means and appropriate ways to channel that feeling.  I never want him to think what he feels is wrong.  His feelings are legit.  He can feel any way he needs, but he isn't allowed to act out any way he wants.  We spend a lot of time practicing taking deep breaths.  (And if you think three is too young for this you'd be surprised.  He can employ this method on his own! Sometimes at least. :) ) For sadness we can hug our lovie or ask for a hug from mom or dad.  We can think about why something made us sad.  For example, we are sad we can't watch a tv show.  Can we think of a time when we will get to watch a show?  Can we think of other fun things to do?  For anger Ben can hit his bed.  I don't want him to think it is okay to physically lash out at others.  But I know having some sort of physical outlet to release anger can be helpful, so Ben needs a safe place to do that.  For anger and frustration Ben can ask for help.  He can squeeze his fists.  We are always working on relaxing our shoulders along with our deep breaths.  For all of his emotions I am trying to teach him to name his feelings out loud.  He is allowed to tell me any way he feels.  You'd be amazed at the change when I told him he is allowed to say, "I'm mad at you, Mommy."  The first time I told him he could be mad at me his anger almost melted right in that second.  Having the freedom to feel is huge, and goes very far in diffusing unwanted actions as a result of those feelings.  I tend to repeat myself a lot.  But Ben is three, and repetition works.  I try to parrot back how he feels so he knows he is heard.  At any age knowing your thoughts are getting across matters.  No one likes to feel misunderstood.

Final actions
After we have talked that is usually the end.  I don't really like prolonged punishments, I don't think they are super effective on a three year old.  Ben needs to apologize to whomever had to witness the tantrum.  My goal with this is not to embarrass him, but to show him his actions impact those around him.  Yes, this usually means that he is apologizing to one year olds who have no clue what is going on, but still I think the exercise has a point.  We also decide how to re-handle the situation that caused the tantrum.  This can mean getting a different toy to play with.  It could be asking for help.  Basically we re-do what happened.

Not at home
These steps all work great if you are at home.  But what about tantrums when you are out and about?  You can still use the same basic ideas.  Instead of your child going to a safe space, you can just pull them aside and have them sit for a moment.  The key is to get away from the trigger zone that has caused the tantrum.  If there is a safe space for them to calm down alone great.  If not it can work to calm yourself down right next to them.  You might not actually need to calm down, but take a second to center yourself.  This gives your child a moment to pull themselves together a bit too, if they are able.  The rest of it, the hugging, the talking, the final actions can all take place wherever you are.

Conclusion
I have found this works best in tandem with other methods.  For example if Ben throws a non throwing toy he still loses that toy for a bit after we talk about the tantrum.  A tantrum isn't a way to get out of consequences.  They are two separate issues.  Repeated tantrums over the same issue probably need a different approach.  But overall I have found this to be very effective.  A big reason for tantrums at this young age is not knowing how to handle these big emotions, and not feeling like you are being heard.  Taking the time to work through feelings builds a child's emotional vocabulary and starts them on the road to working through challenging feelings in a positive way.  It really does pay off to take the time and get to the why behind the what.

-Kim

Be sure to check out all the posts this week!

Monday: Valerie at Chronicles of a Babywise Mom
Tuesday: Natasha at Let's Be Brave

Wednesday:  Katrina at Mama's Organized Chaos 

Thursday: Kimberly at Team Cartwright and Carrie at Wiley Adventures

Friday: Emily at The Journey of Parenthood and Cole at Twinning Babywise

Discipline As Discipleship-BFBN

Today we have two posts on discipline.  One is from Carrie at Wiley Adventures.  Discipline needs to have a higher meaning, and the meaning she and her family use is discipleship.  She writes:

"For us, in our home as believers, we view discipline through the lens of discipleship. A disciple is a student, someone who is being trained to follow a particular way. Discipleship in parenting looks like "training them up in the way they should go" (Proverbs 22:6). As a Christian home, we know that "the way they should go" is the ways of Jesus and to learn and follow what the Bible says. "

Head on over to Wiley Adventures to read more!

-Kim

Be sure to check out all the posts this week!

Monday: Valerie at Chronicles of a Babywise Mom
Tuesday: Natasha at Let's Be Brave

Wednesday:  Katrina at Mama's Organized Chaos 

Thursday: Kimberly at Team Cartwright and Carrie at Wiley Adventures

Friday: Emily at The Journey of Parenthood and Cole at Twinning Babywise

Knowing and Teaching the Final Desired Expectation-BFBN

We usually discipline when our kids act in a way we don't want them to.  But how do they know what is expected of them?  I think sometimes we forget that part- that we have to teach them what to do, not just what not to do.  Katrina from Mama's Organized Chaos is talking to us today about teaching what we want from our kids.

She writes:

"In my journey to find our "discipline" method, and what works well for our family, I find myself coming back to the root of the idea: expectations. Without expectations, there would be no disciplinary action.

My husband and I believe in setting high expectations. We believe that, if we set high expectations, our daughter will rise to the challenge. I used the same idea when teaching high school, and I am a firm believer that it works. It not only provides a challenge for children that they are often longing for, it shows them that you believe in them.

In addition to setting high expectations, I think it is important to know the end goal. What is the final expectation, not the "right now expectation"? The final expectation is the real expectation that needs to be taught and focused on."

Be sure to head to Mama's Organized Chaos to learn more!

-Kim

Be sure to check out all the posts this week!

Monday: Valerie at Chronicles of a Babywise Mom
Tuesday: Natasha at Let's Be Brave

Wednesday:  Katrina at Mama's Organized Chaos 

Thursday: Kimberly at Team Cartwright and Carrie at Wiley Adventures

Friday: Emily at The Journey of Parenthood and Cole at Twinning Babywise

Disciplining foster kids-BFBN

Day 2 of our talk on discipline!  Today we have the unique perspective of a foster parent.  Foster parents can have lots of children come through their doors.  That means lots of different personalities and lots of different ways of behaving.  This means you need lots of possible ways to work on building good behavior.  Natasha from Let's Be Brave has a several great methods to try.

She writes, "When you take in children from foster care, there are A LOT of rules and restrictions.  One of those restrictions is no spanking or physical discipline (understandably so in a lot of cases) so we've had to come up with creative alternatives that actually work to keep our sanity and avoid having out-of-control kids."

Check out the rest of Natasha's post at Let's Be Brave!

-Kim

Be sure to check out all the posts this week!

Monday: Valerie at Chronicles of a Babywise Mom
Tuesday: Natasha at Let's Be Brave

Wednesday:  Katrina at Mama's Organized Chaos 

Thursday: Kimberly at Team Cartwright and Carrie at Wiley Adventures

Friday: Emily at The Journey of Parenthood and Cole at Twinning Babywise

Discipline without Spanking-BFBN

We are at the start of another wonderful Babywise Friendly Blog Network week!  This is a time where all the ladies of the BFBN write about different aspects of the same topic.  This week we are tackling discipline.  I know, no one actually likes disciplining our kids.  But no one wants to just let their kids grow up without any sort of structure.  It is our job as parents to teach them right from wrong.  There are different ways to do that though.

Today we are highlighting Valerie from Chronicles of a Babywise Mom.  She is talking to us about disciplining without spanking.  She writes:

"Before you think to yourself, "That's nice, but they must have just had easy children if they have been able to not spank." 

Oh no. No, no. I assure you I have one of the most strong-willed children out there. She has pushed me and stretched me in ways I never thought possible. To put it mildly, it has been a challenge at times. We have still been able to maintain no spanking. Despite her strong-willed nature and desire to test limits, she has never had anything but glowing reports from her teachers. 

So how do we do it?"

Head on over to Chronicles of a Babywise Mom to read more!

-Kim

Be sure to check out all the posts this week!

Monday: Valerie at Chronicles of a Babywise Mom
Tuesday: Natasha at Let's Be Brave

Wednesday:  Katrina at Mama's Organized Chaos 

Thursday: Kimberly at Team Cartwright and Carrie at Wiley Adventures

Friday: Emily at The Journey of Parenthood and Cole at Twinning Babywise

Communication and Grace: Two keys to building up your marriage in times of stress

The seven year itch.  Having twins.  Having three kids.   Should we add in a cross country move?  Sounds like a lot, doesn't it.  That describes the past year of our lives.  On their own each of these events could cause some marital stress.  We decided to knock them all out in less than a year.  You know what?  I really think our marriage came out stronger as a result.  There are two main things that you need to get through these tough times of transition and life with small children, especially when you are outnumbered by said children- Communication and grace.

Yes, the message is as simple as that.  First, tell each other what you need and how you feel.  Don’t assume your partner knows what you want them to do, and don’t assume you know what your partner is thinking.  It is easier said than done, but do your best.  Unvoiced needs are usually unmet needs.  It would be awesome if we could take care of everything our spouse needed without them having to say a word.  Let me tell you in stressful times is that very unlikely to happen.  So speak up! Setting aside even just ten minutes a day to do a rundown of the days events can help.  And be direct.  Having twins and three kids total taught me to be very specific about what I needed.  There was no point in sitting around and hoping someone would see that I needed help.  This is a point I think moms especially need to hear.  I have found my husband often wants to help out, but doesn’t know what to do.  I didn’t want to order him around, so I just wouldn’t say anything and instead just hoped he would somehow read my mind and know what needed to happen.  I bet you can imagine how that worked out.  You can be direct and clear with your needs while still being kind to your partner.  We both ended up happier when I spoke up.

The second part takes care of the rest, give each other grace.  What does that mean?  It means forgive each other.  Even if you are the wronged party, forgive.  It means no one is at their best at 3 am when you have been pacing with babies for over an hour and you both just want to sleep for a few blessed minutes.  Forgive the curt words.  Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt when something goes wrong.  Chances are they were not trying to hurt you or make your life harder.  Giving grace means using kindness, even when it is hard.  We teach our children that being hurt doesn't give us the right to lash out at someone else.  This applies to us as adults too!  Be kind to your spouse.  Sometimes when your partner is the hardest to deal with they need your love and kindness the most, just like our little ones.  Giving grace means take a moment to understand where your spouse is coming from and to truly look for ways they are helping the marriage.  You might be surprised what you can overlook sometimes.

These things are easy to say, but do take some active effort to do.  The thing I think we sometimes forget is that having a good marriage takes active effort.  How do you stay married in tough, stressful times?  You choose to.  Turn to each other and not against each other.  That means you make a choice every day to be married and work with your partner.  On your wedding day you stood up and took vows out loud.  You told the world I choose this person. So do it.  Choose them every day.  Tell yourself every morning I choose this person and I choose this family. Marriage is a choice, each and every day.  The goal is for it to be easy.  You don’t even think of the decision because it is so automatic.  But when you are in the trenches of life you have to wake up and actively choose to be in your marriage.  It can be hard.  But think of your long term goals.  Think of your children.  Think of that love you had back when you were young and you could live on love alone.  Now think of the alternative- divorce.  Think of holidays split up.  Think of court battles.  Think of financial struggles.  Think of what your children will go through.  Now make a choice.  Which one do you want?  I bet it is marriage.  Now that the decision is made grab the two best tools in your toolbox- communication and grace-and get to work.

-Kim

 Today is a Babywise Friendly Blog Network pinterest day!  Check out all the ladies of the BFBN as they post on all things marriage

Chronicles of a Babywise Mom: How to divide responsibilities in a marriage
The Journey of Parenthood: 5 ways to get out of a marriage valley
Mama's Organized Chaos: What I want my daughter to notice about our marriage
Twinning Babywise:  Date night babysitting sway how to
Wiley Adventures: One quick trick to a happier and health marriage