I haven't really posted much about the twins yet. There are a couple of reasons for that. One is we wanted to wait a bit to make sure that they were doing well before we started talking about them too much. We have no reason to believe anything should happen to them, but vanishing twin syndrome is a thing. We just wanted to feel more confident in how they were doing. The main reason is basically second (and in this case third) child problems- we're busy. I know, terrible excuse, but it is true. When I was having Ben I remember every week feeling like it took forever. The time between check ups was sooo looong. Now? Time is going by very quickly. We are almost half way there! I feel a little bad, but I know this is what happens as life gets busier, and when you have a toddler that insists on getting attention all the time. ;)
All that being said, I thought I would post some answers to the most common questions I get.
Q: When are they due?
A: My due date is currently Valentine's Day. However, being twins they will most likely come early. My doctor said she likes twins to be born around 38 weeks, as opposed to 40. I am hoping they stay in me and grow for as long as possible. The longer they stay in the better in my book! So prayers that they stay put until February are appreciated.
Q: Do we know the genders?
A: Not yet. We will be finding out. I think it is awesome when people wait til delivery, but that is not for us. I like to plan and be prepared, and for me that means knowing the gender. I think it will also help us when talking to Ben about the babies. Plus, let's be honest, we got our 'surprise' when we found out there were two.
Q: Are they fraternal or identical?
A: We don't know yet. The way they are currently camped out in there, it could be either. There are a few ways to know for sure if they are fraternal. If they are different genders or have different blood types we will know. There are many ways twins can be arranged in utero. It's actually kind of cool to read about. I won't go into a ton of detail, since I think most people just want the short answer. That is- we don't know. There is a good chance they are identical, but of course they could be fraternal.
Q: Is Ben excited?
A: No? To be honest, I don't really think he has a clue what is going on. So far we haven't pulled out baby stuff or moved anything around yet. We do talk to him about that babies. But, well, he's two. If it doesn't directly impact him right now, he isn't really interested. We aren't worried, he'll adjust like all kids do.
Q: Are you moving?
A: No. We might be crazy for this one. We thought about moving to get more room. However Ben is rarely in his room. He mainly sleeps there. The twins will spend a couple of months sleeping in our room. Once they move out of our room, they will really use a bedroom for sleep only. And we really want to focus on saving money. Add to that either moving now while I am able to help and paying for more space than we need or waiting to move in the middle of the holidays, and it just didn't make sense. We are going to switch rooms, making our big master bedroom the kids' room. It will be an adventure, and I am willing it to work. :)
Q: Were they planned? Were you planning on twins? Are they natural?
A: Oy, these questions. Frankly how anyone plans a family is their business, so this isn't my favorite question. Yes, we planned on having a second child after Ben. The "were you planning for twins" and "are they natural" are awkward questions. I know most people don't mean any harm by them, but again how someone gets pregnant is really no one else's business. I know these are touchy questions for some couples, as they are basically code for "did you have fertility treatments?" I know most of these come from a place of honest curiosity, and aren't meant to be judgmental. And I know I have thought them myself. All that being said, no, we were not planning on twins. One, I don't think it is possible to plan for identical twins, if in fact they are identical. I mean, I don't think fertility treatments can be sure to make a single egg split. Two, we did not use fertility drugs. All babies are natural, so yes, they are natural. Twins without 'assistance' are called spontaneous, and these two are spontaneous twins.
Q: Do twins run in your family?
A: Well they do now! I know this one can be a sneaky way to check for fertility treaments (see above question), but I know this one doesn't always mean that. When I wondered that about people, it usually went along with me thinking through my family tree to see if I was likely to have twins. I can honestly say Pat and I never thought we would have twins. Meo has twins in her family, but they are people I've never met and far enough removed that we wouldn't consider it running in the family. In the odd way the world works, Pat actually has twin cousins that are fraternal twins, and we all know Ben has cousins from Pat's sister that are fraternal twins. This is all just a crazy coincidence. In order for fraternal twins to run in families, it has to be passed down through the maternal line. Think about it, fraternal means two eggs. The men have nothing to do with that. Pat's cousins and our niece and nephew all come from different maternal lines, which obviously is different from the one I am a part of. So if the twins are fraternal, there is no connection to these other twins in the family. If they are identical it kind of just happens that the egg splits. There are no identical twins in our family close enough to consider 'running in the family.' Short answer- no. Twins, despite being present in our family do not run in the family. We had no reason to think we would have twins, and it is basically a crazy coincidence that Pat's sister and our family will both have twins. The world is strange sometimes.
Q: Were you freaked out at first?
A: Yes! Of course! We had a plan for one more child. Two at once changes everything. We are now excited and updating the plan as needed. :)
Q: D you think you'll have more children after this?
A: No. No. The life plan was two kids, and we are getting a bonus. I am pretty confident this will be it. (I reserve the right to change our minds, but it is a big old no right now.)
I think that covers a lot of the main questions I have gotten over the past few weeks. Overall I don't mind them. Twins are exciting and I think people have a geniune curiosity about them. I know I do, and have asked a lot of these questions myself (if not always out loud). I do enjoy talking about the twins and Ben. What mother doesn't love talking about her kids? We are looking forward to the new additions to our family. Of course it will change everything, but I know our lives are just going to get better with these two new sweet babies. I think Ben is going to be an amazing big brother. I can't wait to see him in the role. We feel blessed to have the wonderful family we have and are getting in the future.
-Kim
Side note: I am not a doctor or a twin expert. I have done a lot of reading on the topic since we found out about the twins, but I am not a specialist. I think I have my explanations and understanding of how this twin thing works right, but I fully admit I could have gotten parts wrong. So basically, don't quote me as a source on how twins run through families or grow or develop or anything. I'm still learning. :)
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
Thursday, September 10, 2015
BFBN: 5 Reasons I Love Babywise- Guest Post
Today I am fortunate to have Valerie from Chronicles of a Babywise Mom guest posting! She has been blogging about babywise for eight years now, so she really knows her stuff! Specifically today she is talking about why she loves babywise. I agree with all of it, especially the sleep part! She has great reasons for the why behind the what, and I really like what she has to say about it.
I am over at Giving it Grace today. I have climbed back up on my science-is-awesome soapbox to talk about how we can start teaching kids to love science, even at 2 years old. These are things that I either have done or try to do with Ben. I really want him to embrace the wonder of the world and not be afraid to ask why. Yay for science!
-Kim
5 Reasons I Love Babywise
by Valerie Plowman
1-We all get the sleep we need
I am over at Giving it Grace today. I have climbed back up on my science-is-awesome soapbox to talk about how we can start teaching kids to love science, even at 2 years old. These are things that I either have done or try to do with Ben. I really want him to embrace the wonder of the world and not be afraid to ask why. Yay for science!
-Kim
5 Reasons I Love Babywise
by Valerie Plowman
I have blogged extensively for nearly eight years on the topic of parenting in general, and Babywise specifically. Now, think about writing about something 5-6 times a week for eight years. Do you think if you did that, you might really like the topic? Of course you would! And I do. Babywise has been such a blessing in our lives as as family. As I think about my long-term writing and where we are today, I wanted to share 5 reasons I love Babywise and why we have stuck with it through all four of our children.
In the early days, before we started Babywise, we didn't sleep much. At all. Once we implemented Babywise, sleep immediately improved. We all get the sleep we need. As a mom, I get enough sleep each night. That helps me be a patient, kind, engaged, and productive mother the next day. I am the best mom I can be.
There are people like to criticize mothers for wanting to sleep. I stand up, unashamed, and say I want to get sleep each night. I want that not because I am selfish, but because I want to be able to care for my children at my optimal level during the day. Through implementing Babywise, we have all been able to get the most sleep we could over the years.
To this day, sleep is still something we respect as a family and work to protect and preserve. My children are well rested for school the next day and it shows. See How Healthy Sleep Principles Have Benefited My Children from Infancy to Preteen for more on that.
2-Independent playtime
Oh my goodness I love Independent Playtime! Independent Playtime is when your child plays alone each day for about an hour. Alone. Without you. Why has this been a benefit? For each child, it has been a time for the child to learn to problem solve and self entertain. These are invaluable skills in life.
It has also benefited our family. When I brought home a new baby and had a 22 month old toddler at home, that hour each day was a time I could focus on my new baby--just the two of us spending some time alone each day. Toddlers are demanding, but because of naps and independent play, I was able to give great focus to my babies.
It has been a great time for siblings to get a break from each other as they have gotten older. They all love each other and love spending time together, but we humans all need some time apart at times. 3 months of summer break is long, so having an hour each day to go our separate ways and have some alone time is a great relationship saver. It helps the children get along throughout the day together. See Benefits of Independent Play for more on that.
3-Order and predictability in our days
I love to know what is coming. I have found my children do, too. Having a routine each day is a sanity saver for me and a comfort for my children. Starting life with a routine and continuing it as my children have grown has helped them feel secure. See Benefits of Structure and Routine for more on that.
4-We have added babies with little stress
Remember what I said above about sleep and independent play? Also the predictability? Each time we have brought a new baby home, we have been able to do so with very little stress. I have been able to carry on as almost usual (while adopting our new normal) while still caring for a new baby. We add that baby into our routine and family structure and adjust to our new normal. The children still get their naps and independent play. They still get time with me because the baby is on a routine. Life changes, but it doesn't turn on its head. See Welcoming Baby to the Family and Baby Joins a Family {AND} Family Adds a Baby for more on that.
5-We are able to focus on bigger matters
I often talk about the benefits I see in my older children today. I am so glad that we have things like sleeping and basic obedience down so that when bigger life matters come up, we are able to focus on those concerns and not be trying to figure out how to get our child to sleep through the night and how to deal with mean kids at school. Those basic details were dealt with years ago so we are able to add the new challenges of life as they come without being completely overwhelmed. See Benefits of Babywise in Older Children for more on that.
Valerie is a wife and mother to four children, ages 3-10. She blogs at www.babywisemom.com.
Check out all the ladies of the BFBN to learn more!
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
Last swim of summer
Happy Labor Day!
Well, Happy Labor Day yesterday. We spent a relaxing afternoon over at Meo and Omi's house. It was great to get out of the house, but also nice not to have to do anything too hard core. Ben got to play and run around, we ate some yummy food, and everyone got to relax.
Ben got to have what will probably be his last swim of summer. We had hoped to go to the big pool this weekend, but the last day they were open was Friday. I understand most of their lifeguards were back at school, but we were disappointed. We do have the giant pool we can pull out at our place. But honestly, sometimes Pat and I are just too lazy for that. Luckily for us Meo and Omi volunteered to set up their little pool for Ben. Yes, it is tiny, but it has big fun! Ben loves it!
Doesn't he look like he should be heading to vacation in Hawaii or something? Bringing toys over to Meo and Omi's house- close enough! :)
Along with swimming there were some good walks with Daddy. Ben loves to be outside, and I love that Pat does as well. Especially when it is hot and humid out. (I'd blame pregnancy, but, well, we all know it's really an all the time thing.) It is so cute to watch them explore together. They had fun walking around and tossing sticks into the pond.
Add to all this outdoor fun some tasty food and it was a perfect afternoon. Thank you to Meo and Omi for hosting us. I'll miss a lot of our summer fun, but I am looking forward to the fall! Cooler weather, the corn maze, the falling leaves... so many fun activities are coming up. I can't wait to share it with Ben and Pat!
-Kim
Well, Happy Labor Day yesterday. We spent a relaxing afternoon over at Meo and Omi's house. It was great to get out of the house, but also nice not to have to do anything too hard core. Ben got to play and run around, we ate some yummy food, and everyone got to relax.
Ben got to have what will probably be his last swim of summer. We had hoped to go to the big pool this weekend, but the last day they were open was Friday. I understand most of their lifeguards were back at school, but we were disappointed. We do have the giant pool we can pull out at our place. But honestly, sometimes Pat and I are just too lazy for that. Luckily for us Meo and Omi volunteered to set up their little pool for Ben. Yes, it is tiny, but it has big fun! Ben loves it!
Along with swimming there were some good walks with Daddy. Ben loves to be outside, and I love that Pat does as well. Especially when it is hot and humid out. (I'd blame pregnancy, but, well, we all know it's really an all the time thing.) It is so cute to watch them explore together. They had fun walking around and tossing sticks into the pond.
Add to all this outdoor fun some tasty food and it was a perfect afternoon. Thank you to Meo and Omi for hosting us. I'll miss a lot of our summer fun, but I am looking forward to the fall! Cooler weather, the corn maze, the falling leaves... so many fun activities are coming up. I can't wait to share it with Ben and Pat!
-Kim
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Bed head
No matter how long the night before, no matter how hard the day ahead of me might be, no matter how exhausted I may think I am, waking op to this face makes it all seem wonderful.
-Kim
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
Ben's Birthday Party!
We had a small party for Ben's big second birthday. We kept this one pretty small for a couple of reasons. One is, well, Ben is only 2. I know he isn't going to remember this birthday. I of course want it to be fun for him, but he doesn't care if it is a giant blow out or not. Some cake and family is all he needs. Two- it kept costs down. This is always a consideration, but with twins on the way it is even more important we stay on budget. Three- instead of one big party, Ben had a couple of little ones. He got to celebrate in Arkansas besides his home party. We had planned to celebrate again with Uncle Jared, but sadly I got sick and we couldn't make that trip. I was seriously very bummed about that. Sorry, Uncle Jared!
I know we probably could have skipped the party entirely, but I just couldn't do that. I was a little sad we didn't have a big blow out, Ben gave me the easiest theme every this year. Mickey Mouse! Ben adores Mickey Mouse, and it really has to be the easiest party theme ever. Every party store has Mickey decorations. Pinterest has about a million ideas that actually seem doable. Fortunately I was able to reign myself in and not go nuts over this party. We did a simple Mickey theme. Pat grilled hot dogs (to go with the Hot diggity dog song), Meo and Omi brought over a giant Mickey balloon, and we had a Mickey Mouse cake. We also all watched an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, which is Ben's most favorite show ever. (It is the cutest thing ever. Any time we play the show for him he points and waves at Mickey, just so happy that Mickey came back to see him. I know he shouldn't watch much tv, but it is hard to deny him this true love!) There is actually a Mickey's birthday episode, how perfect is that for a birthday party?
That is it, the whole shebang. Meo and Omi came over to celebrate with us. We were lucky to have Auntie Laura come to the party too. We ate dinner, opened presents, had cake, watched Mickey and played. Ben loved it, and that is my favorite part. He really liked that his family and friend were over at his house and playing with his toys. We got him just a couple of presents, of course Mickey themed. (Seriously, he went from having one little Mickey toy to about a bazillion in one birthday.) His favorite was the toy version of the clubhouse. My favorite were the gifts of money for Ben's college fund. :) I know, not fun for Ben now, but he'll appreciate it later in life.
Overall, I think it was the perfect birthday for him right now. I am so happy we did the big party for his first birthday. First birthdays are a huge deal, and yes, I do feel it is important for the parents to celebrate surviving that first year. This one though was really all about Ben. He got to spend time with the people he loves (both here and in Arkansas). He got some gifts he really enjoys. And he got to participate in some of his favorite activities. My heart was so full seeing how happy he was at his party. His joy is what his birthday should be all about.
Last couple of things. The Mickey balloon is still alive and well. It is about as big as Ben is. He adores it. He hugs it, tries to feed it, just in general thinks it's the best thing ever. Dagger, on the other hand, abhors the balloon. She is seriously terrified of it. She will not come downstairs while it is out. We have to close it in the bathroom when Ben is asleep or we aren't home so she will come downstairs. It's actually kind of funny.
Ben actually ate his cake at this party! It took him a few minutes to settle down to eat, but once he got a bite he went to town. No, cake will not often be on the menu around the Cartwright house, but for birthdays it is okay.
I want to say a great big thank you to everyone who made Ben's second birthday so great. Thank you to Gramma, Grampa, Aunt Lindsay, Uncle Chris, Charlotte, Joe, and Ella for giving Ben a great birthday in Arkansas. Thank you to everyone who sent gifts and cards to Ben, we really do appreciate it. Thank you to Meo and Omi for coming to Ben's party, bringing the balloon, and celebrating with us. And a special thank you to Auntie Laura for always being such a great friend and loving my son so much. My heart is so full thinking about the love and happiness shared with my sweet boy, and that is really what is most important when celebrating a birthday.
-Kim
I know we probably could have skipped the party entirely, but I just couldn't do that. I was a little sad we didn't have a big blow out, Ben gave me the easiest theme every this year. Mickey Mouse! Ben adores Mickey Mouse, and it really has to be the easiest party theme ever. Every party store has Mickey decorations. Pinterest has about a million ideas that actually seem doable. Fortunately I was able to reign myself in and not go nuts over this party. We did a simple Mickey theme. Pat grilled hot dogs (to go with the Hot diggity dog song), Meo and Omi brought over a giant Mickey balloon, and we had a Mickey Mouse cake. We also all watched an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, which is Ben's most favorite show ever. (It is the cutest thing ever. Any time we play the show for him he points and waves at Mickey, just so happy that Mickey came back to see him. I know he shouldn't watch much tv, but it is hard to deny him this true love!) There is actually a Mickey's birthday episode, how perfect is that for a birthday party?
That is it, the whole shebang. Meo and Omi came over to celebrate with us. We were lucky to have Auntie Laura come to the party too. We ate dinner, opened presents, had cake, watched Mickey and played. Ben loved it, and that is my favorite part. He really liked that his family and friend were over at his house and playing with his toys. We got him just a couple of presents, of course Mickey themed. (Seriously, he went from having one little Mickey toy to about a bazillion in one birthday.) His favorite was the toy version of the clubhouse. My favorite were the gifts of money for Ben's college fund. :) I know, not fun for Ben now, but he'll appreciate it later in life.
Overall, I think it was the perfect birthday for him right now. I am so happy we did the big party for his first birthday. First birthdays are a huge deal, and yes, I do feel it is important for the parents to celebrate surviving that first year. This one though was really all about Ben. He got to spend time with the people he loves (both here and in Arkansas). He got some gifts he really enjoys. And he got to participate in some of his favorite activities. My heart was so full seeing how happy he was at his party. His joy is what his birthday should be all about.
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| Presents! |
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| I still get to help with the tape. |
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| Checking out his new computer |
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| Right away he let Omi share his new toys |
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| Surveying his loot. :) |
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| Loving the clubhouse! |
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| Watching Mickey with Meo and Omi |
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| The Mickey Balloon! |
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| I love this picture, he looks so happy! |
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| After we sang he jabbed his finger into the cake. His birthday, his rules. ;) |
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| Best birthday yet!! |
Ben actually ate his cake at this party! It took him a few minutes to settle down to eat, but once he got a bite he went to town. No, cake will not often be on the menu around the Cartwright house, but for birthdays it is okay.
I want to say a great big thank you to everyone who made Ben's second birthday so great. Thank you to Gramma, Grampa, Aunt Lindsay, Uncle Chris, Charlotte, Joe, and Ella for giving Ben a great birthday in Arkansas. Thank you to everyone who sent gifts and cards to Ben, we really do appreciate it. Thank you to Meo and Omi for coming to Ben's party, bringing the balloon, and celebrating with us. And a special thank you to Auntie Laura for always being such a great friend and loving my son so much. My heart is so full thinking about the love and happiness shared with my sweet boy, and that is really what is most important when celebrating a birthday.
-Kim
Thursday, August 27, 2015
Baby proofing enough- BFBN
Welcome to another Babywise Friendly Blog Network day! Today all the ladies of the BFBN are blogging about various aspects of safety. You can check out the pinterest page to get to all the posts!
Today I'm talking about baby and child proofing. I knew when Ben was born that of course I wanted to make his home as safe as possible. But we also wanted him to learn to navigate a world that isn't 100% safe. I mean, we planned to take him out of our home at some point, meaning he would have to face situations with dangers. We decided to baby proof just enough. Just enough to be safe and able to relax in our home, but not so much he would never learn to be careful. Here's how we did it.
1) Take care of the real, immediate dangers. What does this mean to me? It means to make sure anything that can cause instant terrible injury or death is baby proofed. All cleaning supplies and any sort of chemical that can be swallowed is behind a locked cabinet or up on a high shelf even I can't reach without a stool. Knives, scissors, sharp items are all well out of reach. Dagger's litter box is in the basement, which opens up into the living room, so baby gate is in place to allow Dagger access and prevent Ben from falling. Furniture is anchored to the wall. Outlets are covered. Oven knobs are covered. While we want Ben to learn to navigate the world around him, we also know he is a small child. He doesn't know what can maybe cause a two second owie, and what, frankly, could kill him. So while we are easy going on some baby proofing measures, legit safety is not one of them.
2) Decide what items you absolutely do not want broken. We have a few items that I know I didn't want broken. A couple of nice wedding gifts, a couple of knickknacks from Pat's and my relationship so far. Nothing that is super valuable, but it is valuable to me. I took the items I knew I in no way wanted broken and put them in an area Ben can't access. They aren't items I want Ben learning on. This also includes a couple of Ben's books. We have some that have been passed down from family and are really nice. We pull them out when we can read them with Ben, but otherwise they are put away so tiny hands can't destroy them. I don't want to set us up for failure, so why leave items I know I can't really replace out to be broken?
3) Leave a few practice items out. By practice items I mean things that I know I don't want Ben to touch, but that can't be broken easily. For us that one item that includes is the remote controls. Ben has never been allowed to play with the remote controls. That being said, they are often out. They are a perfect item to practice seeing something, but not touching it. Oh, he still touches it of course. Come on, he's two, he looooves buttons to push. He also knows he is not supposed to touch it. With the remote he gets to practice his self control, but it isn't really going to hurt anything if that self control doesn't last very long. He is also not supposed to go into the diaper bag on his own. It is often out and full of items he can handle with no big deal. With it out we practice resisting temptation and listening to mom and dad when they say don't touch.
4) Give the kid safe places to explore. In our kitchen there are two cabinets that are free for Ben to look at. They hold our pots and pans mainly. He can open those up, pull stuff out, mess around with them. Sure, it can be annoying to re-stack the pots, but he can't really hurt himself with them. He is allowed to play with the Tupperware as well. The good part of him taking things out of cabinets is we get to practice cleaning up. And honestly since he has free reign over those, he isn't super interested in the other cabinets he can't get into. His curiosity has been satisfied in a safe way. It also gives him something to do in the kitchen while I am cooking.
5) Be prepared for messes and incidental owies. Of course I do not want my son to get hurt. But you know what? If he backs into the coffee table enough he is going to learn to look where he is going. Sometimes Ben feels the need to put every book he can get his hands on all over the couch. Sometimes every toy needs to be on the floor. Sometimes he gets into the diaper bag when we aren't looking and the contents end up all over the place. Sure, if we had fully baby proofed all of these items this wouldn't happen. It would be a lot easier and cleaner. But what sort of lesson would Ben learn from that? I'm not exactly happy when Ben gets a hold of a box of tissues and pulls them all out. Did it hurt anything though? No. I'm willing to put up with some annoyances to work on bigger issues of listening and learning not to touch when told.
These are the main guidelines we follow. Of course with the new babies on the way we will have to tighten up our requirements for what is safe enough to be out. (Small toys put away, back to being more careful with paper books, etc.) This approach has worked for us so far. Ben is safe enough that we can be comfortable in our own home. He is also learning boundaries. I can see that it is working when we are at the office and at other people's homes. He understands that there will be items out he cannot touch. Sure, they are tempting. But most of the time he knows and obeys the 'not for Ben' command. These lessons don't take the place of actually watching him, of course. I don't expect my two year old to always resist temptation, but at least it has laid the ground work for doing so. Ben has age appropriate opportunities to explore and to learn about safety in the world. Works for us.
Be sure to check out the other ladies in BFBN for their posts on safety!
-Kim
Apffel a Day
Chronicles of a Babywise Mom
Faithfully Infertile
Giving it Grace
The Journey of Parenthood
The Moses Home
Team Cartwright
Wiley Adventures
You can also check out the pinterest board BFBN Pinterest to see lots of great tips!
Today I'm talking about baby and child proofing. I knew when Ben was born that of course I wanted to make his home as safe as possible. But we also wanted him to learn to navigate a world that isn't 100% safe. I mean, we planned to take him out of our home at some point, meaning he would have to face situations with dangers. We decided to baby proof just enough. Just enough to be safe and able to relax in our home, but not so much he would never learn to be careful. Here's how we did it.
1) Take care of the real, immediate dangers. What does this mean to me? It means to make sure anything that can cause instant terrible injury or death is baby proofed. All cleaning supplies and any sort of chemical that can be swallowed is behind a locked cabinet or up on a high shelf even I can't reach without a stool. Knives, scissors, sharp items are all well out of reach. Dagger's litter box is in the basement, which opens up into the living room, so baby gate is in place to allow Dagger access and prevent Ben from falling. Furniture is anchored to the wall. Outlets are covered. Oven knobs are covered. While we want Ben to learn to navigate the world around him, we also know he is a small child. He doesn't know what can maybe cause a two second owie, and what, frankly, could kill him. So while we are easy going on some baby proofing measures, legit safety is not one of them.
2) Decide what items you absolutely do not want broken. We have a few items that I know I didn't want broken. A couple of nice wedding gifts, a couple of knickknacks from Pat's and my relationship so far. Nothing that is super valuable, but it is valuable to me. I took the items I knew I in no way wanted broken and put them in an area Ben can't access. They aren't items I want Ben learning on. This also includes a couple of Ben's books. We have some that have been passed down from family and are really nice. We pull them out when we can read them with Ben, but otherwise they are put away so tiny hands can't destroy them. I don't want to set us up for failure, so why leave items I know I can't really replace out to be broken?
3) Leave a few practice items out. By practice items I mean things that I know I don't want Ben to touch, but that can't be broken easily. For us that one item that includes is the remote controls. Ben has never been allowed to play with the remote controls. That being said, they are often out. They are a perfect item to practice seeing something, but not touching it. Oh, he still touches it of course. Come on, he's two, he looooves buttons to push. He also knows he is not supposed to touch it. With the remote he gets to practice his self control, but it isn't really going to hurt anything if that self control doesn't last very long. He is also not supposed to go into the diaper bag on his own. It is often out and full of items he can handle with no big deal. With it out we practice resisting temptation and listening to mom and dad when they say don't touch.
4) Give the kid safe places to explore. In our kitchen there are two cabinets that are free for Ben to look at. They hold our pots and pans mainly. He can open those up, pull stuff out, mess around with them. Sure, it can be annoying to re-stack the pots, but he can't really hurt himself with them. He is allowed to play with the Tupperware as well. The good part of him taking things out of cabinets is we get to practice cleaning up. And honestly since he has free reign over those, he isn't super interested in the other cabinets he can't get into. His curiosity has been satisfied in a safe way. It also gives him something to do in the kitchen while I am cooking.
5) Be prepared for messes and incidental owies. Of course I do not want my son to get hurt. But you know what? If he backs into the coffee table enough he is going to learn to look where he is going. Sometimes Ben feels the need to put every book he can get his hands on all over the couch. Sometimes every toy needs to be on the floor. Sometimes he gets into the diaper bag when we aren't looking and the contents end up all over the place. Sure, if we had fully baby proofed all of these items this wouldn't happen. It would be a lot easier and cleaner. But what sort of lesson would Ben learn from that? I'm not exactly happy when Ben gets a hold of a box of tissues and pulls them all out. Did it hurt anything though? No. I'm willing to put up with some annoyances to work on bigger issues of listening and learning not to touch when told.
These are the main guidelines we follow. Of course with the new babies on the way we will have to tighten up our requirements for what is safe enough to be out. (Small toys put away, back to being more careful with paper books, etc.) This approach has worked for us so far. Ben is safe enough that we can be comfortable in our own home. He is also learning boundaries. I can see that it is working when we are at the office and at other people's homes. He understands that there will be items out he cannot touch. Sure, they are tempting. But most of the time he knows and obeys the 'not for Ben' command. These lessons don't take the place of actually watching him, of course. I don't expect my two year old to always resist temptation, but at least it has laid the ground work for doing so. Ben has age appropriate opportunities to explore and to learn about safety in the world. Works for us.
Be sure to check out the other ladies in BFBN for their posts on safety!
-Kim
Apffel a Day
Chronicles of a Babywise Mom
Faithfully Infertile
Giving it Grace
The Journey of Parenthood
The Moses Home
Team Cartwright
Wiley Adventures
You can also check out the pinterest board BFBN Pinterest to see lots of great tips!
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
Happy Birthday, Ben!!!
Happy birthday to my favorite little guy! I can't believe two years has gone by already. I know every mom says that, but it is so true! Every day you are learning and growing so much. We have so much fun with you. You bring joy to all those around you. I hope you always remember that you are loved, just for being you. I have loved the past two years, and I can't wait to see what else you have in store for us. Happy Birthday, Ben!!
-Kim
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