Welcome to the many adventures of the Cartwright family.

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Discipline As Discipleship-BFBN



Today we have two posts on discipline.  One is from Carrie at Wiley Adventures.  Discipline needs to have a higher meaning, and the meaning she and her family use is discipleship.  She writes:

"For us, in our home as believers, we view discipline through the lens of discipleship. A disciple is a student, someone who is being trained to follow a particular way. Discipleship in parenting looks like "training them up in the way they should go" (Proverbs 22:6). As a Christian home, we know that "the way they should go" is the ways of Jesus and to learn and follow what the Bible says. "

Head on over to Wiley Adventures to read more!



-Kim

Be sure to check out all the posts this week!



Monday: Valerie at Chronicles of a Babywise Mom
TuesdayNatasha at Let's Be Brave
Wednesday Katrina at Mama's Organized Chaos 
Thursday: Kimberly at Team Cartwright and Carrie at Wiley Adventures
Friday: Emily at The Journey of Parenthood and Cole at Twinning Babywise

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Knowing and Teaching the Final Desired Expectation-BFBN

We usually discipline when our kids act in a way we don't want them to.  But how do they know what is expected of them?  I think sometimes we forget that part- that we have to teach them what to do, not just what not to do.  Katrina from Mama's Organized Chaos is talking to us today about teaching what we want from our kids.



She writes:
"In my journey to find our "discipline" method, and what works well for our family, I find myself coming back to the root of the idea: expectations. Without expectations, there would be no disciplinary action.

My husband and I believe in setting high expectations. We believe that, if we set high expectations, our daughter will rise to the challenge. I used the same idea when teaching high school, and I am a firm believer that it works. It not only provides a challenge for children that they are often longing for, it shows them that you believe in them.

In addition to setting high expectations, I think it is important to know the end goal. What is the final expectation, not the "right now expectation"? The final expectation is the real expectation that needs to be taught and focused on."

Be sure to head to Mama's Organized Chaos to learn more!

-Kim

Be sure to check out all the posts this week!



Monday: Valerie at Chronicles of a Babywise Mom
TuesdayNatasha at Let's Be Brave
Wednesday Katrina at Mama's Organized Chaos 
Thursday: Kimberly at Team Cartwright and Carrie at Wiley Adventures
Friday: Emily at The Journey of Parenthood and Cole at Twinning Babywise

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Disciplining foster kids-BFBN

Day 2 of our talk on discipline!  Today we have the unique perspective of a foster parent.  Foster parents can have lots of children come through their doors.  That means lots of different personalities and lots of different ways of behaving.  This means you need lots of possible ways to work on building good behavior.  Natasha from Let's Be Brave has a several great methods to try.




She writes, "When you take in children from foster care, there are A LOT of rules and restrictions.  One of those restrictions is no spanking or physical discipline (understandably so in a lot of cases) so we've had to come up with creative alternatives that actually work to keep our sanity and avoid having out-of-control kids."

Check out the rest of Natasha's post at Let's Be Brave!

-Kim

Be sure to check out all the posts this week!



Monday: Valerie at Chronicles of a Babywise Mom
TuesdayNatasha at Let's Be Brave
Wednesday Katrina at Mama's Organized Chaos 
Thursday: Kimberly at Team Cartwright and Carrie at Wiley Adventures
Friday: Emily at The Journey of Parenthood and Cole at Twinning Babywise

Monday, March 6, 2017

Discipline without Spanking-BFBN

We are at the start of another wonderful Babywise Friendly Blog Network week!  This is a time where all the ladies of the BFBN write about different aspects of the same topic.  This week we are tackling discipline.  I know, no one actually likes disciplining our kids.  But no one wants to just let their kids grow up without any sort of structure.  It is our job as parents to teach them right from wrong.  There are different ways to do that though.

Displaying Discipline Without Spanking (1).png

Today we are highlighting Valerie from Chronicles of a Babywise Mom.  She is talking to us about disciplining without spanking.  She writes:

"Before you think to yourself, "That's nice, but they must have just had easy children if they have been able to not spank." 

Oh no. No, no. I assure you I have one of the most strong-willed children out there. She has pushed me and stretched me in ways I never thought possible. To put it mildly, it has been a challenge at times. We have still been able to maintain no spanking. Despite her strong-willed nature and desire to test limits, she has never had anything but glowing reports from her teachers. 

So how do we do it?"

Head on over to Chronicles of a Babywise Mom to read more!

-Kim

Be sure to check out all the posts this week!



Monday: Valerie at Chronicles of a Babywise Mom
TuesdayNatasha at Let's Be Brave
Wednesday Katrina at Mama's Organized Chaos 
Thursday: Kimberly at Team Cartwright and Carrie at Wiley Adventures
Friday: Emily at The Journey of Parenthood and Cole at Twinning Babywise

Friday, March 3, 2017

"Mommy, you need to smile." Empathy Developments


"You need to smile.  Mommy, you need to smile.  Smile at me."

This is something I have been hearing more and more of around the house.  I know it can be annoying as a woman to be told you need to smile more, but these statements from my three year old son are really telling to me.

I am fascinated by how much my son is noticing how other people feel!  He has been recognizing his feelings for some time now.  We explored feeling sad heavily back when we were in the process of moving.  It was hard for Ben to be away from his daddy for so long.  Plus I was super  busy with getting everything ready to move and taking care of his sisters, who were only six months old.  He wasn't having a ton of focused attention, and frankly not a lot of fun times.  He felt the stress of the situation and was able to verbally tell me he was sad.  We spent a lot of time talking about feeling sad, and how sometimes that happens.  Then we would think of ways to feel better.

Since then Ben has been making a lot of strides in explaining how he feels.  He is great at identifying when he feels happy, sad, frustrated, angry, and scared.  We talk about how he feels, why he feels that way, and I try to focus on sitting with those feelings.  Of course sitting in general is tough when you are a three year old boy.  We take a moment to explore how he is feeling.  We also talk about what are okay ways to express those feelings.  We can use words to explain how we feel.  We can ask for a hug if we are sad.  We can hit a pillow if we are angry.  That sort of thing.  Generally our conversations end with Ben saying he feels better, which works for right now.

But lately, Ben has been taking his focus outward.  When Ali or Sammy cry Ben will tell me that they are unhappy.  It is so cute to hear him say, "Uh oh, a sister is sad."  I don't want him to think that making his sisters happy is his job, but I am impressed that he is noticing their feelings!  Even more so, he is noticing my feelings.  Like all moms I don't want to take my negative feelings out on my kids.  I do think it is good for them to see me having real emotions though.  I don't overreact in front of them (at least I try not to), but I do express my feelings.  Ben has started to see when I am unhappy or frustrated.  He will run up to me and tell me to 'take a step back and ask for help' when I am frustrated.  (Thank you Daniel Tiger.)  He has also started to see when I am unhappy about something, and reminds me to smile.

Over time, like really over time as in many years, I hope he learns that it is okay to feel however you feel.  I don't want him to feel pressured to be happy all the time.  I think that is unrealistic and frankly a lot of pressure.  It is okay to not be happy.  But I love that when he sees someone unhappy he wants to make them feel better.  It is a big step to recognize feelings in others, and to try to do something in response to it.  This is how empathy is grown.  And we can all use a little empathy in life.

-Kim

This article from Scholastic has an easy to understand break down of where kids are in terms of developing empathy by age.  

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Activities your preschooler and baby can enjoy together


You know how it goes.  Your preschooler wants to play with you, but your baby is sitting up, crawling, maybe even walking, and wanting to be a part of the action.  If you have more than one child (and not through having multiples) you have gone through the phase when you need an activity for your older child, but your younger child isn't as content to just sit and watch anymore.  This can be made more challenging when your baby is in the get-into-everything phase, and still putting everything in her mouth.  It is one thing to set them up with two different things to do, but sometimes you only want to deal with one set of toys, one activity, one focus.  Plus it would be nice to foster a little sibling play.  Here are 10 activities you can do with no or minimal set up that foster development and fun for toddlers, preschoolers, and older babies.

Take a walk.  Little kids and babies all love to be outside.  Wear your baby or put her in the stroller.  Grab your older child and off you go.  Talk about what you see, what you feel, what you smell.  Use all the senses you can.  The movement will keep your baby happy, your older child can run around a bit, and you get some exercise too.

Read a book.  Any time I read to my older child my younger ones come crawling over to hear the story.  All kids benefit from hearing stories read out loud.  The baby might need some toys to play with while they listen, but they can do that while you read.  If your older child is interested, have them 'read' to the baby.  They will like feeling like the teacher to the younger child, and the younger child will love that big sibling is paying attention to them.  Bonus to this it could carry on as the kids get older, creating a great sibling bonding tradition.

Have a dance party.  My kids have had some sweet moves since they were very young, and none of them can resist a good beat.  Big kids love to dance and run to the music, little ones like to wiggle and hear it too.  Music boosts brain development.  Make a play list of preschool songs with motions in them to practice some gross motor skills, or just groove to your favorite songs.

Make a blanket jump.  Take some blankets, pillows, or towels and toss them around the floor.  Have the older child jump from blanket to blanket a la the floor is lava.  This gets lots of energy out and works gross motor skills.  Mobile babies will enjoy crawling from blanket to blanket to mimic their sibling, also getting some energy out.  The different textures work as sensory play.  You can can customize the theme of this to match your child's interests.  Jump from meteor to meteor in space, use lily pads in a pond, be monkeys in treetops, and of course the lava standby.

Start a pots and pans band.  Grab your pots and pans and some wooden spoons and go to town.  Your older child can practice mimicking rhythms with you.  They can count out beats.  They can also compare different sounds from different size pots.  Your baby can just enjoy making big noises.  They can turn the pots over and practice putting things in and out of the pot.  I've seen wooden spoons used for teething toys, so this could be a good one during those tough times.

Play with blocks.  Regular blocks, Mega Bloks, shoe boxes, it doesn't matter what the blocks are, just let them build.  Older children can practice stacking, working on hand eye coordination.  With Mega Bloks you can talk about same vs. different concepts.  You can practice identifying some colors and counting.  You can work in imaginative play by building castles or barns or houses, whatever your child is into.  Babies can work on hand eye coordination with basic stacking and grabbing of blocks.  For a bonus interaction, encourage your older child to build a tower and let baby knock it down.  Both children will be practicing cause and effect skills, while also focusing on patience as they wait for the tower to be built and then knocked down.

Race cars down a ramp.  Grab a box or stiff poster board and make a ramp for cars to drive down.  Older children can compare different size cars as they go down the ramp. They can try to use different levels of force to push them down.  Babies can either hang out at the base and try to catch the cars, or they can sit at the top of the ramp and push them down themselves.  They will practice hand eye coordination and releasing objects on purpose.  Both age levels will reinforce cause and effect ideas.  They will be seeing how the natural world works in terms of gravity and acceleration.  It can also be an exercise in taking turns.

Do yogurt painting.  This is a messy one.  Get some yogurt, add a little food coloring (or not, your choice), and go to town finger painting!  The big benefit of the yogurt is of course that babies can get in their mouths without you worrying too much.  Older kids can see how colors can combine to form new ones.  They can paint on paper or just on plate that they rinse off and start over with.  Babies can smear it all around the tray of their high chair.  This is great sensory play for both ages, and a lot of fun.  Plan this one for before bath time though.

Play kitchen.  Have your older child make play food for you and baby.  Baby is going to put everything in their mouth anyway, so they will really be in character.  You and your littlest can sit at a restaurant while your older child plays waiter and chef.  Talk about healthy eating while practicing handing play food back and forth with baby.  Point out colors, shapes, practice counting.  Baby can eat and make a mess.

Create an obstacle course.  This one sounds  like you need a big house or something, but you don't.  Put a blanket over a coffee table to make a short tunnel.  Put a chair out to climb over.  Throw down some pillows to zig zag around.  This will help your older child burn off some energy while practicing gross motor skills.  Baby can enjoy playing in the tunnel and crawling around the objects.  Just changing the lay of the land challenges how they think about the world around them.



This list is just a jumping off point.  What are some of your favorite ways to foster play between your preschooler and baby sibling?

-Kim

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

February 2017 Book List

Short month, but plenty of reading was done.  This month I have three non-fictions to review.  Two of them I really enjoyed.  One was just okay to me, but I net it would really appeal to a different audience.  Let's dive in!

Spit That Out by Paige Wolf

The title of this one caught my attention more than anything.  I love reading about kids and raising kids, plus the title made me hope it would be funny.  It turns out it is about raising kids in an environmentally aware manner.  I am all for saving the planet, but sometimes this sort of thing is too much for me.  I feel like it creates guilt if you don't ascribe to every crunchy method out there.  I'm sorry, cloth diapering isn't for us.  I really don't need to feel bad about that.  I try to be green and be aware of the health and environmental impact of the cleansers and toys I use in my house.  But I'm don't go overboard with it.  I don't see the fear from some of it.  I think  as a former chemist I just don't have that fear of chemicals.  Perhaps I should, since I actually know what dangerous ones can do.  But I don't.  I don't like the push for all organic food.  That can be very cost prohibitive for some families.  I did get a couple of good suggestions out of the book.  And I am happy I read it as a reminder to be looking for ways to help the planet and keep my family healthy.  It is a fast read, so I would recommend it for someone looking for ways to be greener in their daily life.  

Hungry Heart by Jennifer Weiner


I grabbed this one because I love this author!  Her book takes us back to her childhood, the good and bad, and takes up through her writing today.  I like her honest style.  I also really like how she stays true to herself in terms of her writing.  Chick lit can get a bad rep as not being as important, or as valid a genre to read or write.  I don't like that.  I think there are books for all sorts of reasons.  Some are meant to really challenge you to think or feel something deep.  Some remind of us of times gone by, human history we all need to remember.  Some are just there to make us feel like we are not alone in what we go through in daily life.  And yes, some are there just to be fun.  There is nothing wrong with that!  She also doesn't shy away from the hard work that goes into becoming a writer.  Her family comes alive in this book, and I laughed out loud at some of her stories.  This book isn't a life changer, but it was an enjoyable read.  If you like chick lit I say go for it.  (Trigger warning, there is a chapter about miscarriage.)

The Sweet Life in Paris by David Lebovitz


This book is about a period of time in the life of David Lebovitz.  Apparently he is a famous chef, but I honestly had never heard about him.  Even not knowing who he was I loved this book.  It is all about his time living in Paris.  He is American, so he points out all sorts of cultural differences.  To be perfectly honest he made me never want to live in Paris.  But really I never wanted to spend much time there anyway.  (I know, I don't think you are supposed to admit that!)  I couldn't put the book down though!  It was like you were right there walking the streets with him.  It helps that I adore reading about food and cooking.  He made the tastes come alive.  Each chapter comes with recipes to try.  Now, he claims these are easy to do for any home cook.  I didn't see one I thought I would actually attempt.  Maybe some day, when I'm not prepping food for three little ones on a budget and with time constraints.  But it was enough to just read them all.  He does give resources for where to find the less common ingredients and tools if you want to give them a go.  I felt like I learned a lot about the Parisian culture that real people live in, not a romanticized version.  A great read to feel like you took a trip without actually going anywhere.

 I love getting to learn new things and gain new perspectives on the world.  Any suggestions for next month?  Happy reading!

-Kim